Hey readers, what’s up? You doing OK? How’s your 2009 so far? Oh, me? Yeah, things are going pretty well on my end so far.
Yes, I DID drunkenly sing “Toto” by Africa on New Year’s Eve, but not every new year can start off error-free.
Oh, what? This? It’s my new Wordpress theme, mofos!
Calm down. I know change can suck. And I know “different” can be jarring and upsetting.
Imagine how I felt when many of my favorite web sites redesigned their appearance the past few months. I cried myself to sleep every night.
True story.
I mean, check it out. Gmail got themes. Google Reader made itself look shittier. Facebook survived a redesign that caused a futile backlash, Wordpress amended its admin panel, and ESPN released a limited test version of its upcoming site revamp.
Even DC’s Metro system finally entered the 21st century with a complete design overhaul.
So it only makes sense that after 13 months of using the Fotosky theme, I am also changing my blog.
This is Thesis, a Wordpress theme by Chris Pearson who decided to create something so easy to personalize even webtards like me could figure it out.
If you’re reading this in your RSS reader, click out to see the new theme.
The first thing you might notice is the white background, which I think is easier for reading how awesome I am. Powder blue works well for 70s-era tuxedos but not so much for the web.
Also, I liked my series of photo blocks on the masthead so I kept that, but I chose new ones. They’re sort of a summary of the things that define me, like baseball, Argentine soccer, photography, toilets, and, of course, jumping.
I also changed my About page, using my 2008 summary blog post and a new photo I dug out from my trip to Mexico two years ago.
See that photo box on the right below the masthead? That motherfucker “rotates”, which means the photos will change when you refresh or click on different pages in my blog.
You’ll also notice that the comments section is different. It used to be in small font and hard to read and pretty much a sucky experience for all you people telling me how much I suck.
Now, when you want to call me an asshole or propose marriage to me, it’ll be easier to write. You can even subscribe to future comments (by scrolling over that RSS icon and down arrow on the right) so you know whether or not I accept when I reply.
Also, if you want to add a photo (a gravatar) to your name (and you really should) so you can stand out more, click here.
I made a bunch of other small changes, like adding a favicon that should appear in your web browser window or tab.
Many others, though, you might not even notice. I’m going to continue working on it (did I mention how easy the customization is?) so that visiting my blog makes you feel like you’re riding a golden unicorn.
Because not changing your theme is so 2008.
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My favorite shoes are these boat shoes, which people now tell me have become hip again. I figure out what to buy using GQ magazines. 
And my freckles don’t help. But I know there’s not much you can do about that now. Still, thanks for passing on a genetic inability to produce melanin, Mom.
If you read the fine print (and why wouldn’t you?) you’ll notice we went ahead and cast the rest of the film’s principle actors, including Amy Pohler, Seth Rogan, and Morgan Freeman.
Power: Can raise or lower the temperature in any room by only 3 degrees. If it’s too cold in your living room, he can instantly make it, oh, let’s say, 69 degrees. He can sweat out any enemies by making them slightly uncomfortable.
Power: Can create a rainbow anytime, anywhere, using only his power of prism-filtering. Popular at gay parades and kindergarten classes.
