From the category archives:
The Princess flew to Missouri on Sunday to see her family for something called Christmas.
This means I’m here alone. On my own. Under no supervision.
Before she left, The Princess left me explicit instructions to turn the heat down when I’m not home and not burn down our apartment.
So far, I’ve managed to accomplish [...]
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I knew it was coming. People magazine’s selection of the Sexiest Man Alive of 2008, I mean.
Oh, this is going to be embarrassing, I thought. I mean, how many of these things can I win in one lifetime? I’m going to have to act all self-effacing and shit and reply to congratulatory [...]
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After her brilliant parody of Tina Fey last week, Sarah Palin sat down with Katie Couric again last night to prove to U.S. Americans why she’s ready to help lead our country into the next depression.
Palin was heavily criticized for her previous appearance with Couric, so this time she brought some muscle in the form [...]
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I went to my favorite Korean-owned deli for lunch earlier this week. After saying “Anyong” to the two hot female owners, I checked out the food.
“It’s turkey day!” I declared gleefully to no one in particular.
Ah, turkey day, when the deli provides a hu-fucking-mongous bird for its hungry patrons. Always succulent, the white [...]
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The Princess turned 30 on Saturday.
And because I “listen” to “things she says”, I knew just what to get her for her birthday.
A kitchen appliance.
Specifically, a KitchenAid 5-Qt Artisan Series stand mixer. Empire red, of course.
“You can’t get her that,” my friend Blue told me weeks ago when I told him about the [...]
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In one of my favorite This American Life podcasts, Dan Savage of Savage Love fame narrates his story of being a young substitute teacher at a U.S. military base in Germany. In a moment of pure exasperation only educators can relate to, he tells an incorrigible kid who was acting up in his classroom [...]
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When I get sick, I act like a big baby. I understand this about myself. But when The Princess gets sick, it’s much, much worse. Because when she gets sick, the whole system breaks down.
This “broken system” is the reason why on Sunday evening, I had to go to Bath and Body [...]
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The best way to make your girlfriend’s ovaries jump is to hold a baby.
There is something that happens to the typical woman’s brain when she sees her man (sometimes any man) embracing a helpless newborn. While men are thinking, “Don’t drop this thing, don’t drop this thing, hey, it’s like holding a [...]
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