Thursday, April 19th, 2007...9:20 am
How to eat for free in DC
When I was unemployed several years ago for a stretch of 10 months, I had to minimize many of my expenses. I cut out buying new CDs, going out drinking with friends, and exotic trips to Tryst Café.
But one thing I couldn’t eliminate was eating. Since my body stubbornly continued to demand a certain amount of sustenance without any regard for my financial portfolio, I came up with some creative methods to eat for less and, sometimes, for free.
If you are unemployed, cheap, or are tired of eating Top Ramen, here are 10 cost-saving ways to eat frugally:
1. Attend luncheons at the Hilton. The Hinkley Hilton often hosts business conferences. It also feeds the businessmen who have paid tax-deductible money to attend them. While unemployed, I used to dress up in my suit, pretend to be part of whatever conference was going on, and attend these luncheons. Once, a conference attendee asked me what I thought about that morning’s session on biotechnology. I told him I thought we had a long way to go in “our” field and escaped with my free ham sandwich.
2. Visit the . Since The Princess and I are really into Swedish furniture and carpentry, I visit this retail behemoth as often as I can to take advantage of its cheap cafeteria menu. Swedish meatballs, gravlax, and hot dogs for less than $3! I recommend staying away from the macaroni and cheese, though.
3. Go to Lauriol Plaza on busy evenings. My friend B-Fo and I used to go to the now-overrated LP all the time. Once, when the wait was particularly long, we went to the bar, ordered a free basket of tortilla chips and salsa, and ate outside. When we were finished with our “meal”, we returned the buzzer and left with full stomachs and heavy wallets.
4. Search for samples at Whole Foods. This popular, specialized supermarket loves to give out free samples of breads, cheeses, and Jewish apple cake. GoPats and I used to walk around the store like a couple of panicked search-and-rescue EMTs, scavenging for free morsels and devouring anything in our paths.
5. Get a girlfriend who likes to bake cupcakes — a lot. The Princess is a cupcake queen. She’s made margarita cupcakes, Boston cream cupcakes, Kahlua chocolate cupcakes, and many more, all for the bargain price of free back rubs.
6. Go to Dunkin Donuts at closing. I used to work at a pizza place when I was in college as a delivery boy. Next to our store was a Dunkin Donuts, where we would trade food items at closing. They throw out all their same-day donuts at the end of the night anyway, so if you ask nicely they’ll give them to you.
7. Work in an Argentinean restaurant. I waited tables at an Argentinean restaurant where we were given a free meal of chicken and a 20% discount off the entire menu. The best part, though, was that you could take home all the bread you want. Once, I filled up a garbage bag with bread and took it home to my best friend Blue. When he quizzically asked me why I had a garbage bag full of bread, I reminded him it was free.
8. Look forward to . An entire day dedicated to atoning AND saving money on food? Awesome. Too bad it only comes once a year, which at least narrows down your search for food to 364 days a year.
9. Eat Steal from Target. My friend Scotty works in loss prevention. According to his interpretation of the law (at least in California), you can open a bag of chips or bottle of water inside Target and, as long as you consume it on store property, they can’t bust you for shoplifting. He proved this once by drinking a Snapple while at Target and leaving the empty bottle on a shelf in Electronics.
10. Live like Charles Bukowski. The man, who some consider a genius while others deride as a misogynist, used to subsist on beer and hard-boiled eggs. I tried this while unemployed and found the meal surprisingly satisfying, if not completely unhealthy. Sure, you might end up devolving into a disgusting, dirty old man, but that’s a small price to pay for eating like a literary giant.
There is cheap or free food out there; you just have to have some imagination.
Thanks Wonkette, for today’s mention.
41 Comments
April 19th, 2007 at 9:55 am
I found out about IKEA recently when I bought some kitchen cabinets there. The main dining room was closed, but the place they sell hot dogs was open. $0.50 for a hot dog. I normally wouldn’t trust meat that costs 50 cents, but I was starving, and when I ordered 2, he gave me 4 because it was the end of the night. So I ate 4 twenty five cent hot dogs and lived to tell about it.
If I ate four hot dogs for 50 cents and lived to tell about it, I’d be so ecstatic. I’d probably write a book.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:05 am
I’m totally using the LPlaza tip some time. Or, I might just steal your lady. I love cupcakes. Certainly you understand.
I know I might be biased, but her cupcakes are the greatest things in the world. You’ll be getting them you-know-when.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Yeah, really - have a cupcake party, please! I’ll bring a bottle of booze if I’m plied with cupcakes.
You’ll have to ask my Social Chair; scheduling cupcake parties goes against my personal policies.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Oooh, now I’m starving and craving sweedish meatballs and the nearest Ikea in in College Park.
Think anyone’s ever had a birthday party at an IKEA cafeteria? Maybe I’ll do mine there this year.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Crashing Easter egg hunts always works too. Lots of little eggs with morsels of various confections inside….I should know!
You may have to push little goy children out of the way to get the eggs, but I think it’s worth it.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:34 am
Methods that I myself have used:
1. Working in meetings means you get LOTS of free food. Carrie M can attest to this. My colleagues would complain about eating baked chicken AGAIN, I said, bring…it…on.
3. I have filled myself on chips and salsa far too many times to count. I’m just glad I’m not the only one.
4. I actually do this mulitple times per week. AJ Tip: if you’re REALLY nice, the guys behind the counters are VERY generous. I walked out with $20 in free food from whole foods once.
8. Haven’t missed a Yom Kippur since my bat mitzvah. That day saves like $15 in food.
Now, what I do not approve of - Dumpster Diving. I dated a guy who would get his food out of the dumpsters behind restaurants and markets. Fine for him, whatever, but when he fed dumpster food to me WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST, i almost vomited. And it wasn’t even packaged food, they were peaches. *gets the chills just thinking about it*
You could write an entire book on the crazy guys you’ve dated.
And, yeah, Fregans should be drawn and quartered.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:37 am
And if all else fails, eat a homeless person.
Whatever saves you a quarter.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:48 am
How about crashing weddings? As long as it’s a buffet as opposed to a sit-down meal, you can have all of the tasty food you want. You might even get lucky with an open bar!
I had the idea for Wedding Crashers before the frat pack made it into a movie. Too bad no one believes me.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:09 am
I was unemployed a couple summers ago and found myself eating a lot of cheese sandwiches and drinking a lot of coffee. I was also lucky to have friends with jobs who got me drunk almost every night.
Yes, the generous friends thing helps a lot; otherwise, you’d be drinking one Miller High Life every night and that’s no fun.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:23 am
You should my catering orders for my office on site at meetings. Tiramisu at 11 am? Bring it on!
Invite me to your next one as a “prospective client”.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Dumpster diving is disgusting. Why not head over to happy hour for McCormick and Schmicks and choose from burger, mussels, or crab dip for a buck ninety-five? There’s a two drink minimum but they don’t care when I order coke!
Arejewey…when are you going to blog about American Idol? I’m really interested in your take on things. Thanks.
After you write an essay on how Sanjaya is ruining America.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:26 am
chips and salsa does not a meal make.
chips, salsa and a frozen swirly margarita with salt - getting warmer. but those ‘ritas aint free.
But then you can make margaraitas much cheaper at home. Or bring some Caprisun and margarita mix and make it at LP.
April 19th, 2007 at 11:29 am
I bake everything in a muffin tin - except cupcakes. Mini-cheesecakes, tiny meatloaves, salmon patties, perfectly-proportioned casseroles - whatever. But never cupcakes.
I do bake the best cookies, however.
And, don’t judge me, but I read Ham on Rye when I was 19, and developed a mad crush on Bukowski’s Henry Chinaski..boils and all.
I think you and The Princess should have a muffin tin-off.
April 19th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
There’s an Argentinian restaurant in D.C.? Where?
No, the one to which I referred was in LA and was (is?) called Gaucho Grill. There IS one in Maryland, however, called El Patio (I think it’s in Rockville, though). In Adams Morgan, Rumba Cafe is owned by a fellow Argy and features a South American cuisine.
April 19th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
I’ve known you for a long time, and issue item #1 sounds like fiction.
I want evidence.
I don’t respond to people hiding behind the anonymity afforded by the interweb. If you know me, prove it by saying something only I would know about you but which would not reveal your identity.
April 19th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
You forgot panhandling. It’s so easy to get like 15 bucks in one day when you’re really poor.
Trust me, I’ve had to do it.
I like #9. I’m so trying that next time I go to Target. If I get busted, it’s your fault.
Sure thing, G, just call me from jail and I’ll come bail you out. Oh, wait, I forgot about my Don’t Bail Out People From the 703 out of Jail policy.
April 19th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
I’ve gone to Ikea specifically for swedish meatballs. Actually I’ve probably done that more often then to buy furniture.
You and me both. Usually I can’t choose between the Fraukenruger and the hot dogs.
April 19th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Rumba Cafe guys (Gustavo and Angel, I think) opened up Rumberos in Columbia Heights. THey are really nice guys. They donated a gift certificate to Rumberos for a silent auction I did for charity so I don’t mind giving them a plug whenever possible.
Do they offer Argy fare?
April 19th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I pray to Dice K every night before I go to sleep. Your dinners for 5 years were cooked on metal rollers.
You never cleaned your bathroom.
1 ball does not necessarily equal 3 strikes.
YOU DIG?
Mom?
April 19th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Is a parillada and some chimichurri sauce on the side Argy enough for you? Maybe you need some morsilla too? Can I get you some matambre while I’m at it? You know what you are, Arjewtino, you’re a food snob. You’re the kind of person who would show up at a person’s house unannounced for breakfast and when they offer you some Dulce de Leche you would be like “what? no Alfajores? I can’t start ma’ day without at least one Capitan Del Espacio, the caviar of Alfajores.”
Anyway, if you go, be sure to use words like “Llame” and “llave” a lot. And “vosotros.” That gets funnier every time I hear it.
By llame, you mean zhame, right? That IS the right way to pronounce it. And though we DO say the word vos, we don’t say vosotros, that’s what the Spaniards do.
No Capitans for me, I like my alfajores from la Havanna compania. And, yeah, I’d say all those foods are Argy enough for me, my fellow jealous Latino.
April 19th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
hahahahahaha. He is SO not a food snob–not even for food from the homeland.
The macaroni and cheese is the best thing at Ikea…and there will be a cupcake party at some point in the future, don’t worry…
When you’ve eaten as many microwave burritos from 7-11 as I have, you pretty much get disqualified from being considered a “food snob”.
April 19th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
I don’t think food snobs buy ground beef at the Bestway in Mt. Pleasant, drop it on the ground (after opening the package), and then throw it on the grill.
We had some good burgers that night, buddy.
They were better than expected…AND we kept them down.
April 19th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
If you like to eat at IKEA, I recommend the hot dogs at Costco. Cheap and tasty. Plus I enjoy the awkwardness of eating a hot dog and drinking soda from a can at a plastic table in a warehouse. Good times.
That DOES sound like fun. Maybe I’ll take a picnic basket and checkered table cloth and make a day of it.
April 19th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
These days, Dunkin Donuts keeps those suckers for days. After they opened stores without bakeries, it was all downhill.
Civilization is doomed.
Who would have thought that a chain of fried dough products would cause the end of our society? It is what it is.
April 19th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
The DC Health Dept., which does about 3 food establishment inspections a decade, basically said the Bestway was a toxic swamp. The rats seem to like it though. Enjoy them burgers!
Ah, Bestway, what amazing quality. And those burgers weren’t bad; at least, I didn’t hurl after eating them
April 19th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Arjewtino I just wanted to let you know that I have forgiven you from the inside of my heart for what you did to me at the happy hour I attended. What you did to me was not as awful as what Roosh and VK did. You made fun of me and laughed at me but maybe it was because you had too much to drink. You were probably just a mean drunk. Your friends have evil in their dark hearts and you should not stand behind that. You should separate yourself from their evil and stand as a moral symbol of strength. You are not a bad person but you associate with the sexists and racists who attacked me. I love you boy.
I’m not sure how I feel about this comment. I don’t associate with racists/sexists/homophobes so, while I appreciate your “love”, I think you should get your facts straight before disparaging my friends or accusing me of doing something I never did and never would. And hiding behind any level of anonymity while making false accusations is just cowardly. If you want to discuss this further, e-mail me at
April 20th, 2007 at 2:26 am
All you have to do to eat free is befriend a Hill staffer. We get like 10 invites a day for every little luncheon and reception imaginable. Not only is there free food, but often free booze. huzzah!
I expect to be invited to the next one you go to.
April 20th, 2007 at 2:45 am
Your friend had an interesting interpretation of the law, but I could see how such an argument could work. The problem is, if it isn’t shoplifting, then it’s vandalism.
It’s like that urban legend that has gone around as a chain letter about a man who bought a bunch of really expensive cigars, and then insured them for a ton of money (like $100,000 on a box of cigars) against fire damage. Then he smoked all the cigars, and put in a claim to his insurance, saying that all the cigars had been destroyed in a series of small fires. And he wins the suit. But then the insurance company prosecutes him for vandalism.
That’s a good point. He’s now the head of security for a popular chain store and, I’m sure, is more familiar with the law. I’ll have to ask him to reconsider his argument.
April 20th, 2007 at 8:47 am
Congrats on the Express you sexy Jew you!
Thanks, dude. You owe me a shot now!
April 20th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Yaayy!! I’m all about supermarket samples. I’ve done that…Eternal student status makes you become knowledgeable on freebie meals… Whole Foods does have great selection of samples. And I love the Hilton story.
Y en otra cosa… ¿Será que la Princesa puede compartir la receta de los cupcakes de tequila? Suena como una excelente idea….
Le voy a preguntar si quiere compartirla y te lo puedo mandar por e-mail. No se si lo tiene escrito.
April 20th, 2007 at 11:53 am
You wouldn’t bail me out? Just because I live in the 703? :’(
That hurts, it really does.
Why would I go to jail in the first place? I’m slick; I aint neva get caught, chyo. Holla! (how’s it when i do murrrlind speak for ya? ;P )
I just wouldn’t want to cross the river and enter your strange land. Might never get back.
April 20th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
I wish you’d shared some of those secrets with me when I was living in DC. Although I did catch on to the meeting one quite rapidly. I’m surprised anyone still pays for lunch in that city!
You can try them out when you visit this summer. Make sure you bring a nice power suit and we’ll hit up the Hilton.
April 20th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
¡Gracias por preguntarle! Y si no se puede o no la tiene escrita, no pasa nada.
Lo tiene en un libro, te lo voy a mandar pronto.
April 20th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Speaking of Mom, that’s a great resource. You have to talk to her though.
Of course, but for me that would entail flying home to LA and that kind of kills the no-expense part of the plan.
April 21st, 2007 at 8:17 am
thanks for the great tips…i would like to add that costco offers lots of free samples that, when combined, can provide the nourishment of a full meal.
also, go to ANY restaurant/bar opening…always free food.
The problem with Costco, though, is that without membership, they don’t even let you in. Of course, it hasn’t stopped The Princess and me from sneaking in.
April 21st, 2007 at 7:56 pm
Very nice meeting you last night!
Same to you, it was great that you made it.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Loss Prevention and Shoplifting:
They can detain you for petty Vandalism though.
Dont “steal” even if it is in quotation marks.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Or you could stop being a cheap bastard and GET A JOB so you can pay for things!!! I feel sorry for your gf.
Just a thought.
Reading Comprehension was an important subject at MY high school.
April 26th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
I have on more than one occasion piled on the food at SOHO buffets. Just walk with confidence right past the register. It’s so packed they never know the difference.
April 30th, 2007 at 8:20 am
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who’s pulled the #3 on LP. FYI, you can even swing it on non-busy days…
September 19th, 2007 at 10:00 am
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