Your mom probably thinks I'm demented, too

May

Your mom probably thinks I’m demented, too

Filed Under (blogging, childhood) by on 15-05-2008

One of my favorite posts by Rothko at Nicolasix was one he wrote telling his mom about his blog. Hilarity ensued. Here is how it starts:

I recently gave my mom the address to this blog. She’s known I’ve had a blog - or as she calls it, a ‘blob’ - for some time, but she’s always figured it was something I might not want her to visit. Because, who knows, I might say something a little vulgar, perhaps. Or slip in some vaguely sexual pun. Or, you know, I might drop a few F-bombs down on this bee-atch.”

I never had the problem Rothko had since my mom knew I had a blob — er, blog — about 10 seconds after I started it. There have been moments when I have wished she, along with other family members and friends, didn’t know I had it since it would be easier to write about things I often feel I can’t share, like my inability to drink water out of a straw. So embarrassing.

I don’t mind that my mom reads my blog mainly because she gives me constant validation about my writing skills. My mom honestly doesn’t understand why I don’t have a book contract with a $100,000 first-time author advance or why my life hasn’t been optioned into a movie. All in due time, mom.

That’s the great thing about mothers: they think you’re a fucking genius even when you’re writing about how many five-year-olds you could beat up.

But what happens when someone else’s mom finds your blog?

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Baby Bien (who I’ve written about a lot here) sent me an e-mail alerting me to the fact that Mama Bien had stumbled across my blog. She spent nearly half an hour reading all about her son stupidly losing a $300 bet, wearing what she called “a fake Hitler mustache”, and giving me his mailing address “so now you get schmutz from the internet….oy,oy,oy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (yes, she’s Jewish, too; all Jewish moms talk like this).

Mama Bien added:

It was fun reading your demented friend’s website. [Arjewtino] should be ashamed of himself… ha,ha…

Now that I’ve had a chuckle and a panic attack, you can safely resume your life. It is no longer a “visiting” site… No parental guidelines…

Love ya, Baby Bien…”

I was on the phone a while back shortly after I posted a photo on my blog of a vagina with a fish painted on it. She said she told a friend of hers at work about my blog and that she checked it out. On the very day that photo was posted. I warned her to look into sexual harassment laws in the L.A.U.S.D.

I suppose there is a lot about us that we don’t want our moms to find out. They often know us better than anyone yet there are facets of our lives we just wish they didn’t know. Moms fed your ungrateful ass, clothed you, comforted you, put Band-Aids on you when you fell off your bike trying to impress a girl, and we thank them by growing up and having the gall to lead our own lives.

Rinse and repeat.

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Comments

The Maiden Metallurgist on 15 May, 2008 at 9:39 am #

I never minded my parents reading my blog, they’ve got my number sure as shit anyway. I do have 2 friend’s mom who read it, and now, shamefully, the mother of the young man I am seeing reads it. Fortunately it’s not too vulgar. Well, not too often anyway.

The Maiden Metallurgist’s last blog post..Conversation With My Dad This Morning

That explains why I haven’t seen as many drunk photos of you lately.

Nickels on 15 May, 2008 at 9:43 am #

Well, since I am pure and virgin’esque, i wouldn’t mind my family reading my blog (if i had one) … lol

Your dad reads my blog, which I think is awesome. Though I can’t write anything bad about you.

Judy on 15 May, 2008 at 11:01 am #

I always have a valium and a vodka before I read my son’s website - everything is pretty with valium and vodka.

Judy’s last blog post..Shopping With My Peeps or Why I <3 Zappos

The V/V combination can be pretty sweet.

rothko on 15 May, 2008 at 12:23 pm #

What’s funny (sort of) is that my mom’s memory is pretty bad these days. Have you ever seen Memento? Well, it’s kind of like that. So I continually have to remind her of the address of my “blob.” Even then, I’m pretty sure she never reads it. (Oh well. I tried.)

Anyway, you bring up a good point here: Other people’s parents! Holy crap. This is slightly more terrifying. Thanks a lot!

Baby Bien on 15 May, 2008 at 12:43 pm #

I would comment, but my mom could be reading right now.

I think you’re good, aren’t you? Didn’t she say she wouldn’t come back?

CPO on 15 May, 2008 at 12:46 pm #

I love that they call it a “blob.” What is it about Jewish mom’s that makes it so hard for them to pronounce simple words. My mom has yet to properly pronounce:

sushi — pronounced “shooshi”
Seinfeld — pronounced “steinfeld”
gyoza — pronounced “groozoo”

CPO’s last blog post..WJMF Sound Byte: The Sisters of Sheynville

There was a Seinfeld episode that made fun of the Steinfeld phenomenon, the one where some guy tries to deliver a package to Jerry, I believe.

rs27 on 15 May, 2008 at 12:50 pm #

Why do moms say the craziest things. My mom calls it Jambalaya juice. Yeah that sounds appetizing

rs27’s last blog post..We Scheme and We Scheme But We Always Blow It

That’s hysterical. My friend J-Vo’s mom calls “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” by “What’s Johnny Grape Eating?”

MJ on 15 May, 2008 at 1:04 pm #

i can’t imagine what my mother would say about your blog. she would probably find you entertaining, but there might be a couple of too many things that would make her worry too.

my sister on the other hand loves you.

That’s ’cause your sister is hot.

What does she think about my stories about you, though?

jess on 15 May, 2008 at 1:45 pm #

my mom: pepto bismo, jaguar pronounced like jag-wire, and ethnicisity, which i don’t even know the origin of, honestly. the bf’s mom mangles cliches in cutely hilarious manner.

You should spend some time with my Puerto Rican friend Culito. “There are plenty of fish in the sink.”

Sisco on 15 May, 2008 at 4:02 pm #

I would never, ever let my mom read my blog, see my facebook, or probably even gchat with me.

She judged me enough when she found out my screen name in college was sobersisco.

janet on 15 May, 2008 at 9:09 pm #

It’s possible my mom reads your blog. Is that frightening? (kidding, chances are slim)

She reads mine, as does my DC-BFF’s mom, who leaves that as her blog comment name.

When my dad comments his name is “Double D” because those are his initials. I call it his bra size name.

Phil on 16 May, 2008 at 8:33 am #

My mom, thankfully, does not know how to turn on a computer.

But she does know about web-addresses (email addresses), sharktooth (blue tooth), blueberry (blackberry), and of course The Google.

Phil’s last blog post..Playaz attend Bush wedding; got party started

mami on 17 May, 2008 at 12:16 am #

I think it will be interesting to write a BLOG about how smart, intelligent, articulated and successful we are. And, yes, I think that you, arjewtino, are selling yourself short. YOU CAN WRITE A BOOK and not for the money but for pure satisfaction…you are very talented…and this is from a very objective point of view. I can’t help it, I read blog every day, it is my daily contact with you.