Tuesday, January 15th, 2008...10:00 am
This is your density…I mean, your destiny
In his incredible book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck Klosterman writes about how reading the obituaries made him realize that each of us, in the end and even during our lifetime, is defined by one thing.
J.D. Salinger wrote Catcher in the Rye; for all practical purposes, that’s it. He may as well have done nothing else, ever.”
For some of us, this phenomenon is not exactly like getting a raw deal. Neil Armstrong will always be known as “the first man to walk on the moon”. Lily Allen will always be “that adorable chick who got famous for her songs on MySpace”. Even Klosterman himself will go down as “that pop culture writer dude”.
But no matter what you accomplish with your life and no matter how long and varied you live it, you are, ultimately, reduced to one sentence.
Think about your friends and how you would describe them to a stranger. Think about what the lead would be in their respective obituaries. You can probably sum up their legacies using about 10 words.
Look at this online obituary I found yesterday from the Washington Post. This University of Maryland professor, who lived for nearly a century and I’m sure was a very nice person, left this world known as a Pompeian historian. Is that a bad thing? Probably not. I’m sure there are many advantages to knowing everything there is to know about the ruined and somewhat relevant city of Pompeii. But Wilhelmina’s life was reduced to this one thing.
The most incredible example of this type of reductionism is the story of Claudia Wells. Wells owns the boutique Armani Wells in Studio City, CA. She has a flair for men’s fashion and her Web site says she is “known for dressing the most stylish men in Los Angeles.â€
But that is not how she is known. You most likely know Wells as that chick who played Jennifer Parker, Michael J. Fox’s girlfriend in the movie I have seen more than any other, Back to the Future. And 23 years after the movie was released, she is still telling people about that role.
Her Photo Gallery has a link to Back to the Future Photos. Her About Us page describes her stint in the movie as “memorableâ€. A photo of her shows her sitting in a freakin’ DeLorean! This woman, now 41 and still looking really good, reduced herself to a role that gave her just a few minutes of screen time and which she didn’t even reprise in the sequels.
Is this sad? Hardly. It is human nature, after all, to simplify the world around us, even at the cost of substance. It is an unfortunate fact of life — but a fact nevertheless.
Think of your own life. In your mind, you can probably wax poetically about your life accomplishments, filling the pages of your autobiography with interesting tales, events, and memories that make you a unique snowflake. That cancer scare that made you realize how strong you were. Moving to a new city and proving to yourself you could do it. Growing a mustache and raising thousands of dollars for charity.
But when people ask your friends about you, or when they have time to think about you, you will be condensed to a five-second blurb. This probably, in the end, doesn’t really diminish any of us, not really. But when there is so much of our lives left to trim, doesn’t it at least feel that way?
Little known trivia: the woman who plays Jan in “The Office” (Melora Hardin) was briefly cast as Jennifer but was fired because she was taller than Michael J. Fox.
18 Comments
January 15th, 2008 at 10:14 am
yeah, okay, but you’re forgetting that obituaries HAVE to be a certain number of words, just like everything in the journalistic sense has to be boiled down to the essential details. Is that ever the whole story? No. Absolutely not. Reporters know this, the public may not, but for the sake of “how will the world remember me?” it’s enough. You can write your own obituary though. Like: “I was a really hilarious guy that liked to smoke j’s on my couch on Friday nights with my friends.” But that would be arrogant. The key to being remembered in one of those big obituaries at the end of the Metro section is this: Do something really complicated. Like, cure a rare disease using an innovative technique that you stole from the UFO that abducted you when you were 12 (there’s videotape, oh and btw, that tape proved we are not alone in the universe) while juggling a parrot and nerf football and standing on that glass thing that juts out into the Grand Canyon. something like that…
As a former reporter, I know how often journalists simplify the world for our readers, including how we write obits. It doesn’t detract, though, from the fact that all our lives can be boiled down to one thing. I’m not sure if it is a bad thing or not, just something to reflect on.
Good call on doing something complicated in order to be remembered. Looks like I’ll have to keep working on cold fusion after all.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:23 am
For some reason, this calls to mind the angry alien cartoons, or the rinkworks site, both of which try to capture the essence, or main point, of movies/books.
I think it raises an interesting question, as well - if someone was going to write ten words about you, what would you want them to say?
dagny taggart’s last blog post..Getting it done.
What I would want them to say vs. what they would say are two different things. I have ideas of what they would say in both instances and I’m not sure they sync up.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:29 am
This was pretty heavy for a Tuesday morning. I don’t think I’ve done any one defining thing yet. I’d better get on the ball.
The Maiden Metallurgist’s last blog post..A Little Ladies Night Action
Ask your friends how they would define you, they’ll give you a much more unbiased review than you would to yourself.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:30 am
“Hey mann, get yer damn hands off of her..”
Even more interested is the fact that Eric Stolz was originally cast as Marty McFly and they filmed something like 80% of the movie with him, before deciding that the chemistry wasn’t right between him and Christopher Lloyd.
I can see it now…”Creator of the Arjewtino blog and enthusiastic Boca Juniors supporter,”
Fact checking ain’t what it used to be.
“This is a blues riff in B, watch me for the changes and try and keep up.”
Who’s up for a BTTF marathon?
Rory’s last blog post..The List: 2007
First off: I do NOT support Boca, just to make it clear! I am a River Plate fan!
Second, Eric Stoltz was initially cast, yes, but they only filmed a few scenes, not 80%. MJF agreed to work around his “Family Ties” schedule.
Third, I am totally down for a B2tF marathon…anytime.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Ironically though, we still want to be rememberd. Even if it’s just for that one line. My goal in life has always been: when I die I want to be remembered and not just fade away like 99.5% of the population. I want a wikipedia entry dammit!
jo’s last blog post..18 Years
Is that today’s sign of success? If so, then we should all be remembered! I’ll write your Wikipedia entry if you write mine.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:45 am
hello plastic surgery. no wonder you got replaced by elisabeth shue!
carrie m’s last blog post..The Great Divide
She was way hotter than Elisabeth Shue in B2tF. There was something “off” about Shue that I couldn’t quite pinpoint.
January 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am
great post
Roosh’s last blog post..Hotel Miami
January 15th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
historians already condense what people study into a phrase, not even a sentence. I’m already introduced as that girl who studies sport (or, if I’m lucky, people remember Germany and sport). Good for Jashemski for at least getting some recognition, even if it is post-mortem.
To me, you’re that academic who lives in Canada and travels everywhere. Not a bad distinction.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
For anyone that hasn’t read that Klosterman book, go out and buy it. It’s a fantastic pop culture read.
If there’s a BTTF marathon I’m in, but I’m leaving before the end of 3. That was a cinematic piece of crap.
Now make like a tree and get out of here!
rs27’s last blog post..Back to the Lecture at Hand
Most B2tF fans say that about the third installment, but I disagree. It’s not as good as the first two, I admit, but it’s not bad.
The B2tF marathon would be held in DC, my friend, so unless you find an affordable Southwest flight out of Burbank, you might be on your own.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Interesting point… how about our H.S. history books reducing entire centuries FOR THE ENTIRE PLANET to just a few pages… I guess to the victor goes the spoils, eh? Speaking of, what is wrong w/ Boca and River anyways? Not so great, which is pretty rare…
Every league has peaks and valleys. This just happens to be theirs.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I’m not sure I understand why an obit should matter anyways. Lets face it…Once your gone, your not gonna have any idea what it says about, and furthermore, you clearly won’t care. Infact there will be no “you” to speak of. The only time you will care what people remember about you is when your still alive… Is that irony?
In a related note, “Pompeian Historian” will almost certainly beat my “dead-beat drunken bar-brawler” tag.
Interesting post.
JackGoesForth’s last blog post..The State Of Jack Address
Good points, but I think you underestimate our collective desire to leave a lasting legacy. Of course, once I’m dead, I won’t know what happens with what people say about me. But that doesn’t stop me, or any of us for that matter, from anguishing over what people will say.
January 15th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
This post is depressing, mostly because I’m not sure I’ve even done anything worth noting in one sentence.
eric’s last blog post..TWSSF
I’m sure you’re wrong. Then again, maybe I am.
January 15th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
“suicide_blond… she lived next to a brothel.. and loved it..rip…”
can y’all make sure the y get it right when i pass….
xoxo
suicide_blond’s last blog post..My Porn Made a Gay Man Blush?
Done and done.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
When I was living in the US, people often introduced me as “The Australian.” This could mean anything from someone like Steve Irwin, to Cate Blanchett, or serial killer Ivan Milat. Or just someone who talks funny. I never figured out how people interpreted that introduction.
E :)’s last blog post..A Foursome? Anyone?
Or Crocodile Dundee, which I would take as a compliment.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
I think you missed one significant part of the obituary. Wilhelmina was a professor at the University of Maryland and a Pompeian Historian. However, after living 97 years, they had to write that she died of renal failure? Couldn’t that have been left out?
Sean’s last blog post..Selling Out?
January 15th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Uff. This is kinda depressing. I’ve often thought about that. If I died today, what would my friends say? So sad.
Not So Little Woman’s last blog post..You
January 17th, 2008 at 11:53 am
I read the obits in our local paper every day, and I too am amazed at how a live so rich and full can be distilled down into a single phrase. While I know that the words chosen were chosen at a time of great grief and stress and each have deep meaning, they pretty much all end up sounding the same.
I’ve threatened my children that if they put “passed away peacefully”, I’ll haunt their ass for the rest of their days.
January 18th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Apparently, the Associated Press has already written Britney Spear’s obit just in case.
Zen’s last blog post..Masked and Autonomous
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