The shame of television (and how it's all American Idol's fault)

May

The shame of television (and how it’s all American Idol’s fault)

Filed Under (TV) by on 08-05-2008

Everyone at some point in their lives have met someone who declared that he or she did not own a TV.

This statement was always perceived as some sort of “holier-than-thou” comment by someone “too good” to succumb to only the most important cultural invention in the past 70 years.

During my freshman year of high school, I had a crush on a girl named Paula, who was one of my sister’s friends. I liked her for three reasons: we once danced at my sister’s birthday party and she let me hold her hips; she once sat in my lap in a car (hilarity ensued); and she held my sweaty teenage hand when we watched Cry Baby in the movie theater.

But there was something odd about Paula and her family and I finally found out after weeks of pining for her. She didn’t own a TV.

When she told me this startling fact I looked at her like she was a Martian. A really hot Martian who liked to sit in my lap.

“So, what do you do?” I asked her.

I don’t remember what she said, but it had something to do with “reading books” or “talking with her family” or some other crazy behavior.

I never understood people who didn’t watch TV. They usually added to this fact by declaring that they didn’t even own a TV set. Television was the first widely available machine to which humans became addicted, bringing diverse people together, and allowing us to avoid eye contact with our friends and family.

But maybe Paula, and all the other aliens who pride themselves on not owning a TV, was onto something. Because on Tuesday night, after enjoying decades of staring at the socially relevant telecommunication system, I did something I am not proud of:

I voted on “American Idol”.

Specifically, I picked up my cell phone and texted the word “VOTE” to (866) IDOLS-02, just like the funny-looking Seacrest man told me to do.

A TV show I had once reviled for being a retarded popularity contest featuring karaoke singers got me this season to watch. And care. And vote. But, I believe, I had a good excuse.

For those of you who watched on Tuesday, you may remember that the phone number I mentioned above was the voting designation for Syesha Mercado (who survived this week’s vote in no small part thanks to me). Though she wept crocodile tears and compared her efforts on “American Idol” this year to those of the civil rights movement, Syesha was so amazing singing “Proud Mary” and, more importantly, looked so friggin’ hot, I was overcome by a desire to text a vote for her.

Turn away, I’m hideous.

Overcome by shame, I then texted my friend MJ about what I did.

Arjewtino: “I’m voting 4 syesha.”
MJ: “We might not be friends.”

MJ didn’t mean we wouldn’t be friends because I had succumbed to voting for some hot chick on a TV show (as opposed to being unable to vote in this year’s Presidential primary). She meant we wouldn’t be friends because she disagreed with my choice. (FYI, she voted for David Cook.)

Sure, my man card should be taken away. Sure, this makes me a hypocrite (big surprise).

But at least I own a TV.

FIRST PHOTO CREDIT

Share with the Interweb: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.

Comments

Big I on 8 May, 2008 at 9:26 am #

She is hot, and from Sarasota. Maybe you should come to florida and visit more often

That might get me to Florida, after all! Oh yeah, and your baby, of course.

Shannon on 8 May, 2008 at 9:28 am #

I own a TV, but I don’t watch TV. The TV is just there for 90210 on DVD and Grand Theft Auto. Can’t figure out if that’s holier-than-thou or tackier-than-thou.

Shannon’s last blog post..FAQ/About

A little from Column A and a little from Column B. But mostly…Column B.

MJ on 8 May, 2008 at 9:40 am #

i see no shame in voting, its practically a civic duty. would you really want some super crappy singer on the airwaves all the time?

and i sensed from our text message exchange you were quite proudly voting for sayesha.

I was proud. She was amazing. But even I couldn’t believe that someone was making me actually watch and text American Idol.

I-66 on 8 May, 2008 at 9:53 am #

C’mon, are we really going to take seriously the declarations of someone who went to a [name of boy band I won’t mention] concert at the end of last year?

I-66’s last blog post..Dogged Determination

I-66 on 8 May, 2008 at 9:58 am #

And by the way, MJ, as proof that our votes of any kind don’t keep super crappy singers /artists off of the airwaves, I submit to you the following:

Britney Spears, John Mayer, Kanye West

Really? Is Kanye West not considered a talented artist? I thought everyone loved him.

homeimprovementninja on 8 May, 2008 at 10:00 am #

You watch (and vote!) on American Idol. I think you’re becoming a woman. Go to Sears RIGHT NOW and spend at least four hours in the tool section before the damage is irreversible.

homeimprovementninja’s last blog post..Speechless

Ha, HIN, joke’s on you! My first job at 16 was working at Sears hardware where I learned all about ratchets and flux capacitors. I even became the youngest employee of the month in the store’s history.

The Maiden Metallurgist on 8 May, 2008 at 10:06 am #

Wow. My knee jerk reaction was to belittle you, but I’ve watched all seasons of both Flavor of Love and Rock of Love… and gotten into spirited debates with strangers about both.

The Maiden Metallurgist’s last blog post..Warts And All

Don’t forget “Beauty and the Geek”. Don’t lie, you know you watch it.

carrie m on 8 May, 2008 at 10:28 am #

You voted for Syesha Mercado. FOR SYESHA MERCADO? This is my translation of what she said during her interviews and during her critiques:

“Me, me, me. Me. I’m really excited to go on tour to talk to my FANS about ME. Me, me. Me. Idol Gives Back made me realize how important I am, and also how amazing I am. Sob. It’s okay! Me. *sniff* It’s my dream. Me, meeeee. (Me)

When you chose to debase yourself and vote for Idol, you voted for that. I may smack you the next time I see you.

I haven’t seen you this worked up since you sang “I Touch Myself” at the karaoke happy hour. I think I like it.

rs27 on 8 May, 2008 at 1:20 pm #

Don’t you put down Beauty and the Geek. I will not stand for that.

Seriously, own a TV. Its 2008. The people that don’t own tvs are the same ones that think its ok to ride your bike in the car lane.

Thats right I said it.

rs27’s last blog post..When I Dip You Dip We Dip

You are a bold man, my friend. A bold “Beauty and the Geek”-defending man.

Baby Bien on 8 May, 2008 at 2:40 pm #

Gchatting while watching Idol. I know, I can’t believe that I am admitting this too. But at least I have never voted.

BabyBien:(about David Cook)all you need to do is slow down a faster song or vice versa and they love it. it’s not hard
MJ: okay grumpy

A few minutes later after Syesha’s second song:
BabyBien: wtf is paula talking bout?
MJ: i dont know. the tears need to stop
BabyBien: yes
MJ: its for sympathy.haha. i’m so skeptical

Connie on 8 May, 2008 at 2:44 pm #

We own a TV, but have no antenna, satellite, or cable hooked up. We wait for everybody else to suffer the flood of annual garbage to decide what series are good, then we get the DVD’s. American Idol is not on that ‘to get’ list, besides, if any good bits come out of the show, someone else will copy it to YouTube soon enough. (Thank you, everyone else).

Connie’s last blog post..But how can you tell?

Marissa on 8 May, 2008 at 6:19 pm #

Wow. Every time I have to tell someone I don’t have cable, I don’t feel better than them…just poorer. Ahh…

Marissa’s last blog post..hill-arity + snobbery = internetastic!

milanomiss on 8 May, 2008 at 8:39 pm #

so, I guess I fall into that holier than thou category, even though I own a tv cause when people ask me what I watch I respond “PBS, Discovery, National Geographic, and History channel”…but those are good channels.

milanomiss’s last blog post..It’s like, all the planets aligned

Scotus on 8 May, 2008 at 8:46 pm #

I read a book once instead of watching TV. It felt unclean, and I haven’t done it since.

Regardless, I’m afraid your vote was futile. That annoying Archuleta robot thing almost certainly has it wrapped up.

Scotus’s last blog post..Why the hell are Kids In the Hall tickets still available?

freckledk on 8 May, 2008 at 9:05 pm #

As long as you didn’t vote for that fucker Archuleta. After the violent butchering of America - my favorite Neil Diamond song - I’d like to call a Jihad on both he and his oddly stiff posture.

Oh, and I won’t call her out on it, but you and I both know and admire a certain female blogger who also voted for Syesha, only she did so during Neil Diamond week.

freckledk’s last blog post..Reflex Reflux

E :) on 9 May, 2008 at 12:49 am #

I once babysat on a regular basis for a couple who didn’t own a TV. It was hell.

E :)’s last blog post..He’s a gonna be sleepin’ on the couch tonight…

I-66 on 9 May, 2008 at 8:38 am #

Yes, everyone loves Kanye… his songs are dance-able and even catchy at times, but lyrically he is so inferior to the other hip-hop and hip-pop artists it’s laughable.

Genevieve on 9 May, 2008 at 9:19 am #

American Idol? That’s pretty sad
Though I was REALLY into The Biggest Loser this season. I probably cried every episode. In general these “reality TV shows” are crap, though.
But for reals, there are some GOOD shows on TV. Why wouldn’t someone own one? What if they want to watch movies? Weirdos.

Genevieve’s last blog post..?You’ve got more tricks than a clown’s pocket, don’t you??

Phil on 9 May, 2008 at 9:21 am #

My goal is to have a tv mounted on the ceiling above my bed, so that I can watch without tilting my neck upward.

Phil’s last blog post..President Bush reports that most 3 a.m. phone calls just the Guv’na, drunk

Diane Mandy on 9 May, 2008 at 9:28 am #

I own a TV (and a big ass one at that thanks to the hubby) but German satellite stinks and I don’t understand a thing on it. It’s like not owning one, only worse. What I’d give to be able to vote for an American Idol!

Diane Mandy’s last blog post..What I didn’t blog about this week

John on 9 May, 2008 at 10:35 am #

At least you didn’t vote for the squirt David Archuleta. He’s terrible. (Personally I want David Cook to win. But Syesha is hot.)

John’s last blog post..Unsolicited Advice

IntangibleArts on 10 May, 2008 at 7:43 am #

Strangely, I knew someone who chose to have no TV but wasn’t smug about it: It was the weirdest damn thing. He hadn’t had a TV in most of his adult life (even WELCOME BACK KOTTER references were met with a confused puppy-like tilt of the head), but was a genuinely well-grounded, non-conceited dude. So I know it CAN be done.

I tend to keep one around for things I can control (DVDs and such) so perhaps it’s a control issue. But we all have our weaknesses (Futurama, and any of those Ninja-Warrior sadistic contest shows on G4)…

IntangibleArts’s last blog post..The (Swiss) Green Fairy Has Arrived

Sisco on 11 May, 2008 at 10:47 am #

I only watched last season because I had money on the outcome in my office. I was the only one who picked Jordin, so I won like sixty bucks.

But American Idol is definitely one of the shittiest shows out there. I have lost so much respect for you.

Aileen on 11 May, 2008 at 11:59 am #

Personally, my favorite is David Cook, but I’m hoping he doesn’t win so he can have a chance at a “real” music career!

And I get kinda annoyed at those people out there that turn their noses up at “pop American culture”. To them I say- Get over yourself and stop taking things so damn seriously!

Aileen’s last blog post..Go Ahead and Try…

Washington Cube on 12 May, 2008 at 11:13 am #

David Cook? Eesh. I don’t even watch the show and yet I’ve been reading about his backstage johnny daddy from hell. Daddy Dearest…and why didn’t they show Mommy Dearest on television yesterday? It was Mother’s Day, for God’s sake.

I went to elementary school with a boy who was the only one in the school who didn’t have a t.v. His father was a German rocket scientist or something. The boy always wore a grey sweatshirt to class and looked like he lived in a boot camp. Like you, I asked him what he did at night: family time, his father helped him with his math homework, etc.

Me? I’d have my kid watching The Wire Season One Boxed Set and telling me he didn’t like oatmeal for breakfast, “Where the Count Chocula re-up? You feel me on this, Yo?”

Washington Cube’s last blog post..A Morning At The Opera