Wednesday, March 19th, 2008...9:46 am
Ten percent of a million visitors can’t be wrong
As of this very moment, even as I write this, my blog has received 98,418 visits.
Some of these visits have come from friends. Others from bloggers who have become friends. Many have come from stalkers. Or my mom. Even more have come from people who think I’m an asshole.
In any case, though, there have been close to 1/10th of a million visitors to this blog. I want to mark the impending milestone by rewarding whoever will soon become the 100,000th visitor to my blog. Or, as I like to call it, stealing Smash’s idea.
I actually was one of the winners of Smash’s 50,000th visitor contest and received a signed, personalized head-shot of Smash. I was planning on taking a photo of the Smash photo reading my blog on my laptop, but, being the responsible and organized man I am, I promptly lost it.
So now I’m having my own contest. In just a few days, maybe a week or so (I really can’t predict the site traffic, you guys are a fickle group), someone will become visitor number 100,000. I will use every metric I possibly can to identify that person and send him or her the grand prize.
What you have to do to win this momentous contest is visit this blog. Repeatedly. Everyday. And what will you win?
I racked my brain for several long minutes recently trying to figure out what I could possibly give someone. I don’t really know how to make anything and everything I own is, well, mine.
I considered giving away a bag of change but I like saving them in my jar until it overflows and I have to go to a Coin Star to redeem them. I also thought about giving away a dreidel but then how would I gamble during Hanukkah?
In the end, I turned to the smartest person I know not named Arjewtino for advice. Of course, The Princess knew exactly what fans of my blog would want:
“Why don’t you give them an autographed picture of your butt?”
Genius.
So there it is, blog readers. The 100,000th visitor will receive a photo of my butt, signed and personalized. You may hang it proudly in your home or donate it to Goodwill. You may also take a picture of you and the photo playing Hungry Hungry Hippos and send it to me, which I will then post on this blog.
In addition to receiving this one-of-a-kind (I hope) prize, the 100,000th visitor will also receive an authentic rookie baseball card of me from Dodgers fantasy camp. This baseball card is one of only 50 in existence, so it is already the most valuable thing I own.
Act now. We’re already at 98,545 visitors.
25 Comments
March 19th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Oh, that butt is mine!!!! I think you still owe it to me btw… and I’ll get my 2 guys from the cruise to assist… yeah, you remember that picture… LOL!!!
You know, I considered writing a blog post about my gay friends and using that picture, but INPY and I agreed that it was too disturbing to even look at let alone publish.
March 19th, 2008 at 9:57 am
But I already have an autographed photo of your butt. No fair!
But it’s not personalized.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I’m fixin’ to hit 10,000 visits, maybe I should give out a prize that is 10% as good as a picture of your butt?
The Maiden Metallurgist’s last blog post..Hidden Treasures
I think a picture of your butt would probably be 100 times a better prize than one of mine.
And your stats would skyrocket.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I might have to steal this idea, as well. For when I get my tenth visitor. (I’m so close!)
I think it actually would be funnier to have a contest to reward a random numbered visitor. Like, your 38,047th visitor.
You should do something like that.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Will it be the picture of your butt in those tight pants from training camp? I dream of that ass…nightly.
Lemmonex’s last blog post..365 Degrees?Burning Down the House
Don’t ruin the surprise!
March 19th, 2008 at 10:39 am
How about the picture and Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Wendy’s last blog post..I really wish my ankle would heal fast - I so want these shoes
No way, that HHH is mine.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I don’t want a picture of your butt actually. I just thought this was an amusing incentive.
Jo’s last blog post..Oh La La or Why I Love the French
I have never heard this sentence: “I don’t want a picture of your butt actually.” You must be crazy.
March 19th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I would love to win this contest.
Oh a little later I have something for you.
Roosh’s last blog post..The Brazilian Consumption Card
This sounds ominous.
March 19th, 2008 at 11:19 am
is the contest only valid for residents of the 48 continental United States?
Nope. It is valid around the world.
Except Wyoming.
March 19th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Chutes and Ladders?
Wendy’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Bruce Willis!
Ugh, I hate that game. You’re better off having more fun watching paint dry.
March 19th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I really I hope I’m 100,001. Like Really.
rs27’s last blog post..End of the Innocence
If there is some disagreement over the 100,000th or I can’t locate that visitor, the next winner will be the 100,001st person.
Lucky you.
March 19th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
It’s a good thing you’re never running for public office.
The government’s always trying to quell my ambitions.
March 19th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I may have to stay away less I win this contest - my sons already have too much to talk about in therapy.
Judy C’s last blog post..Bang the Drum for Earth Hour and Shape + Colour
What’s one more trauma?
March 19th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I would think you’ve had a lot more visitors than that. Then again, Google Analytics tells me I get about half the half that StatCounter does. How can they be so off?!?!
janet’s last blog post..on my wishlist
Sometimes Sitemeter and GA are so off you’d think they were tracking two different blogs. Other times, they can be within one of each other. Strange.
March 19th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
will it be a 3-d picture?
Only if you win.
March 19th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
… so I guess I won’t be reading until April …
Kato’s last blog post..“you have serious middle child syndrome”
I think that’s a double insult. Ouch.
March 19th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Gosh, now I don’t know whether to visit everyday or wait a couple days.
I think in your heart you know the answer to that one.
March 19th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Just as long as it isn’t a scratch and sniff picture.
I…I…uh, yeah.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Hope you have a big photocopier.
I might have to rent an industrial scanner.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
…frah…gee…ley…
Finally, someone gets it…
March 19th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
the first prize I ever won was in 10th grade raffle and it was a package of pepperidge farm sausages and I was so excited that I jumped up and yelled “SCORE”…I scored some sausages. I have a feeling that if I win this, I’ll have a similar reaction. I can’t wait!
This is the funniest comment I’ve read all week.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
3-d. ha.
will it be one of those spooky butts where the cheeks follow you around the room, like mona lisa’s eyes?
roissy’s last blog post..Big Rapport Mistake
March 19th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I want The Princess to tell us if it is worth winning an autographed picture of your butt.
E :)’s last blog post..Super sleuth…
March 19th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Is this one of those contests where the winner can choose either the prize or the cash value of the prize? If I’m number 100,000, I’m not sure how I’ll spend my 13 cents.
Sean’s last blog post..Visiting Seattle
March 24th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Wow.
I absolutely adore your blog and look forward to reading it, but I really, really, REALLY hope that I am not the 100,000th visitor…
*grin*
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