I liked that This American Life episode, as well. Your post reminds me of how my older step-brother used to punch me or nearly suffocate me by sitting on top of a giant bean bag which he had first placed on top of me or, basically, abuse the shit out of me. Sometimes it kind of hurt, but I’d find myself laughing uncontrollably, anyway. It was our primary form of communication. And I thought it was pretty cool.

I used to do similar things to my little brother, who’s 7 years younger than me, only to have him run to our mom “telling on me”. I also once locked my sister in a giant toy chest and told my parents she ran away.

My communication with my 5-year-old cousin is more unspoken; I let him eat ice cream and pizza, watch Ben 10 for the tenth time and stay up late. As a reward, he lets me read his parents magazines in peace and drink all their fancy beer. We have a good arrangement.

What’s Ben 10? Is this like Eon Kid from Saturday Morning Cartoons?

The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club.
If this is your first night, you have to fight.

I think I’ll start a club called Mini-Fight Club. First rule of Mini-Fight Club: You must fight someone 20 years younger than yourself.

So true!

My nephews (ages 8 and 10) decided I was the cool aunt when I had a burping contest with them. They were laughing hysterically. Later they said to their dad “do you know your sister burps?!?”

I wish I could compete in a burping contest. Along with whistling and bubble-gum-blowing contests. But I suck at all of them.

Well, before you were upset about never having punched someone in a real fight. I don’t think these 8 year olds count, but you could be working up to a real fight. Think of it like going to the gym and these kids are like when you do a few reps with just the bar (no weights) before you start benchpressing.

This month, I want you find a nine year old and beat him up. By next year, you will kicking junior high school kids in the groin, and by the time you are my age, you will be punching out cops and have gang tattoos. Then you can have cool anecdotes and say stuff like “and then he said “nice to meet you, Simon” and I knifed him…twice.”

Sounds like a great plan for spiritual growth in 2008. Thanks!

I love that episode. I made my uncle listen to it, and told him that’s how I was going to roll with his kid. Wham! Instantly removed from the babysitting list. There’s another one, “David and Goliath,” I think that features an older sister tormenting her little sister. Reminds me of my youth.

Sounds familiar but I’m not sure if I have heard that one. I’ll check it out.

Great job getting out of babysitting gigs. Though this is, I’m sure, how I will also act like a parent.

Ben 10 is some cartoon about super powers or something. I don’t really know; I am usually drunk and watching him play with knives as the TV is on…

Ok, you made me go look it up. Looks like something I would have loved when I was a kid:

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/tv_shows/ben10/index.html

Kids under 10 are perfect for hitting in the face. They love that stuff.

Until you make them cry and give them bloody noses.

I’m just sayin’

That’s the thing. This kid could really take a punch. He’s going to be a great boxer some day.

First of all, let me say I love the dogs pictures. I am, after all, a dog person.

Second, I love this post. In teaching High School I get plenty attitude that wants me to punch the kids in the face and tell them to knock it the fuck off. And my kids are famous for being good. It’s the ones I meet in the hall I want to choke. Like the idiots who whack me with their backpacks and don’t apologize. Aaaarghh!!

You and The Princess, who teaches middle school kids, should share stories.

My kids are *not* famous for being good…so being a teacher is hard because I sometimes really want to cuss at the kids and shake the hell out of them, only I don’t want to lose my job or go to jail.

I also really wish you hadn’t told people that you punched my 8-yr-old cousin. It’s still disturbing to me.

I didn’t like the way that kid was looking at me.

My brother is 6 years younger then me. For 15 years we communicated using only fists, knees, elbows and blunt objects. Our savagery would occasionally reduce my mum (who doesn’t have any brothers and had no idea what she was getting into)to tears.

I don’t remember any interesting conversations I had when I was 8. I do remember all the big fights, gruesome accidents and weird things people could do with their bodies. Based on this I think face punching is a perfectly acceptable way to break the ice with 8 year olds.

Your entry has made me nostalgic for the days when I could punch my brother in the stomach and dangle him over the bannister until he cried. I felt so much more…alive.

I know, it made me miss beating up my siblings, too. My brother could now probably kick my ass, I don’t know. I might have to find out next time I go home.

I had two boys. The elder used to sit on the younger and fart in his face. I say punch em all.

A classic older brother assault tactic.

I used to babysit kids all the time. There was one particular boy whose Mum thought was a genius, even though he used to do puppetry of the penis at the age of 3 or 4. I somehow managed to refrain from physically laying a hand on him, even though he tested my patience to the max. After a particularly rough day of pulling up this kid’s pants 2453 times as he decided to flash people walking down the street, the mother came home and asked how her “little genius” was. My answer ensured I was never asked back to babysit.

I heard this kid got expelled from school. Good.

Puppetry of the Penis would make a great name for a band.