Thursday, November 20th, 2008...9:53 am
Profiles in Excellence: Come on, People magazine, I am way sexier than Zac Efron
I knew it was coming. People magazine’s selection of the Sexiest Man Alive of 2008, I mean.
Oh, this is going to be embarrassing, I thought. I mean, how many of these things can I win in one lifetime? I’m going to have to act all self-effacing and shit and reply to congratulatory messages on Facebook all fucking week. No, it’s just too much.
But then I saw that I had not won.
How odd.
Instead, the award went to my J-BFF Josh, who writes the blog Berg With Fries. Josh apparently beat out more than 3 billion other men who were both sexy and alive for the award. They even interviewed him.
Was I surprised Josh won? Of course not. That is one sexy Jew dude. Besides, it was good to see the award stay with the Tribe.
At least I made the cut of its “129 Smokin’ Hot Guys”, which puts me in the 99.999999957th percentile of hot guys worldwide (don’t bother double-checking that, I used a calculator), a pretty sweet consolation prize,
Or so I thought.
Apparently, People magazine thinks I’m just as sexy as Zac Efron, that High School Musical dude.
Look at Zac just sitting there next to me. That little smug bastard. Look at him gazing at the camera, feeling all good about himself, probably walking around right now with a false sense of superiority and with no “h” in his stupid name.
You know what, People magazine? Fuck you. You’ve ruined the Sexiest Man Alive award for me.
Next year, don’t even look at me.
UPDATE: White-Collar Redneck had the same idea. What were the odds?
36 Comments
November 20th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Ha - looks like we had the same idea for today. Except yours was executed much better. Show off. Thanks a lot.
Narm’s last blog post..A Comprehensive List of Events I Remember from Saturday Night Sponsored by Miller Lite
I’d love to take credit for besting you, my friend, but all I did was tell Josh about it and he did the rest.
I love it when other people create my blog posts for me.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Too bad those bastards at People magazine used that picture of you from the time you only got one lick of your ice cream before it fell off of the cone and landed on the sidewalk.
I mean, come on! You deserve better for your first appearance on the cover of their mag.
Sarah’s last blog post..Deal or No Deal
I’m just so pissed not to have won that I refused to smile for the picture.
It’s ok, though, I’m sure someone will buy me another cone tomorrow night at the happy hour.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:31 am
So many choices - all of them kosher. Oy vey!
freckledk’s last blog post..RHOA: The Finale!
Kosher is for suckers. No bacon? Please.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:32 am
I hate Efron… and what is worse, so many gay boys like that little twink. I just want to smack him around a bit… goes to my sense of good natured fun
Same gays who probably like that American Idol little dude, right?
November 20th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I have already written complaints to the editor…I didnt even make top 20.
what a fucking joke.
Matt’s last blog post..Home Improvement’s Should Be Handled With Care
Were they strongly worded letters? I’m telling you, that’s the key to TCOBing in this world.
Yes, I wrote TCOBing.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Hm, I was thinking Zac was missing a “k”, not an “h”. (A “h”? That sounds completely wrong…)
How bourgeois of you. I will take Zack with a K, along with my Slurpie and Big Mac….you can have your foie gras eating H.
Lemmonex’s last blog post..Final Call
No, no, it’s short for Zachary, right? I may not have been born in this country, but I’m pretty sure that’s an “h”.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:47 am
in a bid to win next year’s award, i’ve changed my handle to “roiss”. i’m such a sellout.
roissy’s last blog post..Great Scenes Of Game In The Movies
Good call. Arjewtin could work for me. Not so much for Roos or Virgle Ken.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:54 am
If it makes you feel any better, I think you could beat Zac up if you wanted to. Then you could take his hot girlfriend. Wait. She’s 18 right? Oh boy, here come the feds.
Again.
Chris’s last blog post..statement made
What’s her name again? Rachel Maddow or something? Yeah, that’s it.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:58 am
couldn’t you have photoshopped a photo where you are half-smiling and not looking like you’re in jail?
I’m not the Photoshopping genius, Josh is.
But wait…what do you mean Photoshopped? We won!
November 20th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Arjewtino, why are you so mad in your pic? At least you’re on the cover!
Obviously, because I didn’t win.
Fucking Josh.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Better to be pictured associated with Zac Efron than, say, the governor’s call girl… or is it? Actually, if you cast aside the lifetime of humiliation, it might be kinda worth being associated with her. Hmm.
JakieWakie’s last blog post..Halloween
You mean it’s possible to cast aside a lifetime of humiliation? How much do I have to pay for that? I got $20.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I’m not convinced Zac Efron is actually a male. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Jonah K. Haslap’s last blog post..Necessary and Sufficient
Isn’t he banging that chick with the thing? He might just be a lesbian.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Zac Efron is textbook gayface.
freckledk’s last blog post..RHOA: The Finale!
Mine is textbook crankyface.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:29 am
From Washingtonian article to the front page of people! Wow, and in such a short span of time. What’s next? A pulitzer? A TIME person of the year award?
Mb’s last blog post..Beware the Elephant Girl…
TIME better hurry up and let me know before its upcoming announcement. I need to know what to wear.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:31 am
don’t hate on Zac, People has to appeal to all communities with their picks…. so you might be the sexiest man in relation to hot shiksa goddesses aged 21-32 worldwide. Zac appeals to the 8-12 yr old crowd. I think you win.
Doug’s last blog post..The Poop Time Principle
God I hope I don’t relate to that other demographic. Awkward…
November 20th, 2008 at 11:37 am
What’s sad about all of this is the blatant disregard for Jennifer ON Angelina at the top of the cover. Now that’s an image that deserves to be seen!
the almost right word’s last blog post..Brave New World
I would pay to see that. And bet on Angelina.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I knew that cover with Hugh Jackman had to be a spoof. Cooking pancakes in the nude is totally overrated.
Yeah, they fooled tons of people with that. Wolverine is cool but sexy? I don’t think so.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
You’re both way hotter than Jackman.
Just sayin.
Crissy’s last blog post..This Ain’t From Tiffany’s!!!
And stronger than Wolverine. Right? Right?
November 20th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
What kind of list goes to 130? Aren’t lists normally 10? 100? 1000? I hope there a top 154 list of world’s greatest people. I will totally be in that.
Unless you guys enter.
rs27’s last blog post..With My Tongue Dipped in Funk Arsenic
I know, Josh + 139? Who does that?
Then again, I usually tell people I’ll meet them at some random time, like 8:17pm. ’cause I’m a dick.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Ok I’m all new and shit (mostly just new), but I always see your comments on pointlessbanter. I finally realized you had a site linked to your name yesterday, which makes me incredibly unobservant. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you’re now my 2nd favorite blogger, besides my best friend Courtni.
On topic - Zac Efron makes me vaguely nauseated. Sort of like Chace Crawford and all those other too-pretty boys with stupid spellings. You and Josh are MUCH sexier. I may just have a thing for the Jews.
I will someday destroy this Courtni person and be your favorite blogger. I iron-clad guarantee it.
Is Chace Crawford also some HSM dude?
I hate myself for making that into an acronym.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
i heard Zac Efron will go anywhere high schoolers are rumored to be singing in situations that don’t call for it. i say you make a faux concert choir out of your favorite bloggers, email his agent, and take care of business when Zac shows up to sing show tunes in a public school bathroom
f.B’s last blog post..Patty Piper Pointed at a Peeking Pickled Pepper
You’ve insanely thought this whole thing through. You seem unstable and unbalanced.
I like it.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I agree with Doug…I am a hot shiksa goddess age 21-32 and I would love to see Arjewtino as Sexiest Man of the Year!!
Your existing age spans 11 years? That’s pretty fucking incredible.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Pssshh. You beat Efron hands down!
I should hope so.
November 20th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
This is a travesty! You should have won!
You’ll still get People Man of the Year for ‘09. You’re a shoe-in for that one.
stoogepie’s last blog post..Why No Whores, Craigslist?
And TIME’s man of the year, I’m sure. Obama who?
November 20th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
should have used the picture of your butt in your new running manties (panties for men)
Jolee’s last blog post..How I Got High by Accident
But then I would have won. Better to let Josh have this one.
November 20th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
TCOB! That’s been my gchat status for like 3 weeks, thank you Mack!
WILDCARD BITCHES
LiLu’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Playing Operation, Life-Sized!
“Charlie’s our wild card” is my favorite new expression. Also:
Mac: “We’re going to hit you where it hurts…”
Charlie: “Your dick.”
November 20th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I’m sad I know this: Chace Crawford is from Gossip Girl. But same difference.
Shame…so much shame…
Liebchen’s last blog post..Partners in crime
Remind me to give you a hard time about that tomorrow.
Oh, nevermind, I’ll remember.
November 20th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Oh good, I don’t have to admit I know Chace Crawford because I watch Gossip Girls. And even if I did, which I don’t, it would be because my vagina really likes Blake Lively (who is a girl). But I don’t watch it. I don’t have to explain myself to you!
On another note, I totally snickered when I read “You beat Efron hands down.”
I can beat anyone who has his hands down. True fact.
November 20th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
We were on last year’s cover, otherwise, this must be a “regional” issue of People Mag or something.
That’s surprising. I didn’t know People included anyone from Georgia.
November 20th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Man, I unsuccessfully tried to start a boycott of People Magazine when they left me off the list back in 2004…
http://listentoleon.net/index.php/2004/12/14/boycott-people-magazine/
Unfortunately, no one seemed to notice or care!
ListenToLeon’s last blog post..Al Qaeda Attempting To Use The Race Card
November 20th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Would it kill you to smile just once on the cover?
Lisa’s last blog post..Son et lumière
Yes. Yes, it would.
November 20th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I have the same problem with Maxim’s Hot 100. I think it’s unfair that they don’t give another girl a chance at number one sometime.
BWP’s last blog post..“Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I’m working”
November 20th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I’m going to boycott People Magazine until they put you back on top.
Consider this a big sacrifice because that’s where I get ALL of my news about Clay Aiken and all of the other American Idol rejects. Like I said…BIG sacrifice.
Maxie’s last blog post..Winter
November 20th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
you ang narm are apparently destined to be BFF’s 4-EVA.
note to self: learn photoshop
November 21st, 2008 at 9:07 am
Next up for you: America’s Top Model
November 27th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Zac Efron’s hair automatically nixes him from the running, as far as I’m concerned.
Phil’s last blog post..That’s what she said.
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