Nearly a year ago, I reluctantly attended the Maryland Renaissance Festival.
As it turned out, and as I wrote in what became my most viewed blog post of all time thanks to a Wonkette mention that involved the word “cleavage”, the MRF did not suck.
So when my friend Nathe invited The Princess and [me] to join some of his friends at the Montgomery County Agricultural Fair this past Saturday, I had a much more open mind when I agreed to attend.
Unlike the MRF, the MCAF didn’t feature enormous cleavage or nerds dressed up like knights with fake swords. But it did feature plenty of entertaining options, including more meats on sticks, pigs and bunnies, and the GREATEST DEMOLITION DERBY I HAVE EVER SEEN*.
We started by looking at the farm animals. When I was 4-years-old, I attended a private school in LA called Farm School. I remember being traumatized by a demonstration of how they shear sheep.
So when I saw this cute ruminant, I was very excited and started to stroke his fur.
Then he started to laugh at me. Asshat.
We also saw plenty of pigs and made a lot of kosher jokes.
Then we went to the bunny house, easily the most popular of the animals. I prefer the pigs, but that’s just because I relate better to them.
Still, it wasn’t hard to feel sorry for this bunny when The Princess noticed the name of the family that bought him.
This bunny wasn’t getting slaughtered. It won first place in whatever bunny-judging contest they had. Probably the “Most Likely to Make Women Say ‘Awwwww…’ Contest”.
As the sun set, we headed for the Demolition Derby. When we got there, Nathe was looking presidential and already discussing his tax incentive program with the plebeians.
The derby started and it was one of the most exciting events I have ever seen at a fair. Cars were slamming into each other, people were cheering, body parts were flying. As it turns out, I wasn’t the only blogger in attendance that night.
Nathe’s friend Nigel and I seriously discussed how to become derby drivers while The Princess and his girlfriend closed their eyes in fright.
Afterwards, we went for some food, which always includes the most awesome things that could make your bowels kill you if they had a chance. Like funnel cake…
…and corn dogs…
…and, um, whatever The Beef Display was.
After so much crappy eating, we got loopy. Nathe (sarcastically) stuck a McCain sticker on Mischa’s bookbag. This lasted for 10 minutes until his girlfriend Chrystina ratted us out alerted him.
The best thing to do after eating all that food is to go on rides that make you vomit just looking at them. Like the vomitron.
I took this shot of the fairgrounds from the top of a ride we went on. I forgot what it was called, but it involved lifting us 100 feet into the night sky and then dropping us to the ground at whatever speed it takes for my stomach to go into my mouth.
In the end, we had an awesome time, even among Maryland’s redneck population.
Next year, though, I hope to see more cleavage.
* I have now only been to one Demolition Derby.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
The Renn Fest starts next weekend. Boobies Galore! http://www.rennfest.com/
you guys suck. you were totally out my way (well, you passed my way, but still) and i haven’t seen either of you in AGES. i could have brought the cleavage to the fair, too. i’m off my game today, i can’t even think of a joke about cleavage.
carrie m’s last blog post..Harry Potter Becomes Warner Brothers’ Red Headed Stepchild, Batman Promoted to Prodigal Son - New HP Movie to be Released 7/2009
LOVE the beef display… can you mail me that sign, pretty please?
Third graf - Nathan invited I to go to the fair?
Good one, person who corrects other people’s grammar.
Be the object sometimes. It’s good for I. I mean you.
hate to follow the grammar douche…
i like the photo of the princess looking askance at your corndog. yes. i know what i did there with the phrasing….
I’m totally going to the Humane Society today, adopting all the kitties, telling the workers my name is Slaughter, then watching the horror on people’s faces as they read that on cages… That’s HILARIOUS.
JustinS’s last blog post..People who say Vancouver ain’t classy aren’t going to the right places
Despite having grown up in Missouri, I had never attended a demolition derby. It was much more fun than I expected–but also the other people were like people from Missouri. Who knew that to find Midwestern-type rednecks you had to go to the county fair?
Renn-fest starts this weekend, and the BF has started bribing me to go… it should be kind of fun though, and at a bare minimum I will enjoy some meat on a stick!
The car featured in the derby pic ( the blue one with yellow lightning bolts that had the other car on its trunk ) was me. I am glad I could entertain you but I won $200.00 for winning that race.
You were involved in one of the most exciting moments of the Derby. Congrats on winning!
How do I become an awesome Derby driver like you?
Jess - Next time you see Arjewtino, ask him who the original grammar douche is.
Wow, you are taking me back to my old stomping grounds in North Carolina during State Fair time. What I wouldn’t give for a funnel cake right about now!
Diane Mandy’s last blog post..Double-edged
all you have to do is not worry about getting hurt and being a little crazy never hurts. if you have any more photos to share I would love to see them
There’s probably no place *other* than a RenFair where you’ll get the combination of cleavage-baring women and nerds. Not that any of the women would give the time of day to any of the nerds, of course.
No fried Snickers bars?! That’s not a real fair.
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