After the Dodgers lost their fourth straight game to the Phillies and dropped below .500 and 3 games out of first place, an L.A. Times reporter asked manager Joe Torre what he could say to his team to snap them out of their funk.
Torre, who is getting paid $13 million for three years of his managerial “expertise”, responded with this gem:
“There’s nothing I can tell them.”
Really, Joe? You have won 2,202 games in the majors and you don’t know what to tell your floundering team? You have won four World Series as a manager and can’t even come up with a few pearls of wisdom?
The Dodgers are sinking. Fast. It’s late August and they have lost more games than they have won.
Even though they have a chance to win the division title, at this point, unless something changes, they don’t even deserve to make the playoffs (or as I call it, a chance to lose to the Cubs in the first round).
I think I have an idea, though, of where Joe Torre might be going wrong.
Blogging.
Specifically, his blog, named Torre Stories.
(I don’t know whether this blog is real or not but it sure seems valid. It also helps make my point so I’m going to assume he’s writing it.)
Torre started his MLB-authorized blog on August 16. Since that time, the Dodgers are 2-8.
Coincidence? Hard to tell. After all, sometimes teams just play below their level. It’s called statistical anomalies.
Man, that makes me sound smart.
Maybe Joe’s blog posts can shed some light on why the Dodgers suck.
Torre started the blog with a post in which he expressed reservations about keeping an “online diary”:
“Aside from the fact that men don’t usually have diaries; even the word “diary” brings to mind a little pink book with a heart-shaped lock and a label that reads “My Secrets” in lavender bubble letters.”
Wow, Joe, that’s a pretty specific description of a diary, where’d you come up with that mental image?
Strike 1.
Joe also goes on to say he’s still learning web language and feels somewhat “behind the times”.
“I saw one of those little candy Valentine’s hearts printed with “LOL” and thought it was a typo…I mean, WTF(udge), right? Then there are “web smileys” like
and
which frankly make me a bit >:-P (I just made that one up).”
Did you just emoticon on your blog, Joe? Between the diary reference and the teenage girl-talk, I’m starting to wonder how you’re even allowed in the locker room with professionals.
Strike 2.
In his second blog post, Joe writes about LA culture and how it is not a cliche for residents to carry pocket-sized dogs.
“I learned about it first-hand when I found myself walking down Rodeo Drive with this little white Maltese or Pomeranian named Butch under my arm. The funniest (or saddest) part was that I didn’t look one bit out of place.”
OK, Joe, now you’re just sounding like a fruit. Rodeo Drive? Tiny turd dogs named Butch? I’m sure you love dogs, Joe, so do I, but how about writing something about, I don’t know, baseball?
Strike 3.
The Dodgers are now in town to play the hapless Nats. I went to last night’s loss and am going to tonight’s game as well. Watching them manage 1 run against the worst place team is making me more and more certain that their chances of avoiding another disappointing season seem slim.
Torre may not know what to say to his team, but he better figure it out soon. Or at least stop “blogging”. If that’s what he calls it.
I’m totally writing about this in my diary.
The little pink one with a heart-shaped lock.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Arjewtino, i would argue this… Torre hasn’t won shit since 2000. Eight years ago. And was manager during the most epic loss ever in a 7 game series, up 3 games to 0 with his closer on the mound in like the bottom of the 8th or 9th inning of game 4.
I just don’t think he is as great as he is currently seen. I don’t have anything personally against him, but he is living off a resume from quite a few years ago…
Plus, he was a Yankee, shame on you. lol…
I doubt Joe Torre even has a computer.
rs27’s last blog post..Them Other Boys Watch While I Attack
some person in advertising/pr has to be writing that blog, right? because it sounds like the commercial he’s in, but less creative.
i think the secret to enjoying your team is to lower your expectations. which i’ve clearly done….
I went to the Nats-Dodgers game on Wednesday and after watching it and reading about your experiences at Dodgers camp, I think you could help the team. That may have been the worst defense I have ever seen and it cost the Dodgers a win.
Sean’s last blog post..Clothing for the Olympic Mom
personally i was hoping for joe girardi instead of joe torre in the last offseason. at least that way, we might still have andy laroche instead of casey beard and he’d make andruw get his fat ass in shape.
i’m actually rooting against a playoff berth so ned coletti and his porno ’stache will get fired and maybe, just maybe we might finally get a gm who knows what the fuck he’s doing (never thought i’d miss paul depodesta.)
dan-E’s last blog post..Olympics