“Oh no, no. Too high, it’s too high.†— Cleveland Indians fan Ross Farmer tracking the flight path of a homerun, in Major League.
While watching my L.A. Dodgers pound the natty Nats 5-0 last night at RFK, I overheard two middle-aged men sitting behind me talking out of their collective ass.
Not literally, of course; but enough inane comments to nearly make me turn around and address them.
“Have you seen Fever Pitch?†one of them said. “That’s a great movie.â€
Wince.
“He was safe by a mile,†after Ryan Church got caught stealing in the 2nd inning, even after television replays showed him out by a step.
Groan.
“I was rooting for Duke.â€
Idiot.
There really should be three guarantees in life: death, taxes, and baseball fans saying stupid things. Attend any ball game and you’ll hear pseudo-managers argue obtusely about topics like the Yankees’ payroll, interleague play, and sabermetrics.
Or you’ll hear fans question a team’s strategy, the umpires’ calls, and baseball trivia — usually contrary to the facts.
Football may have its Monday-morning quarterback phenomenon, but baseball has more fan-based, second-guessing and ersatz expertise than any other sport. We like to think we know what we’re talking about; baseball and the nature of its provincial beginnings bring out that need probably more than any other sport.
P.S. Last night’s Dodgers win raised the ballclub’s all-time record to 9,389-8,542, a winning percentage of .524. Just in case you were wondering. Here are some reasons why some of us bleed Dodger Blue:
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“Too high?!” I love that movie.
My other favorite baseball movie is Rookie of the Year. “Pitcher’s got a big butt!” Dare me to say that next week?
Consider yourself officially dared.
Jusssst a bit outside
That line still cracks me up, especially since I hear it all the time now that Charlie Sheen is selling out for DirectTV.
Man, I was with you until the “I rooted for Duke” crack. Et tu arjewtino? When did you join the Blue Devil hating masses?
Los, the question you should be posing is, “When was I ever NOT part of the Blue Devil hating masses?”
Just to remove any doubt that may exist in the sports world…
The norm is to hate Duke. It’s the people who don’t hate Duke that are the ones with the problem.
If this were an experiment, hating Duke would be the control. When you add variables like “drug abuse”, “eating paint chips as a child”, and “forcible sodomy” is when you get the people who are Duke fans.
Very well put. Hating Duke is a default function.
The genius that is I-66 never ceases to amaze me.
We want a pitcher, not an underwear snitcher!
Okay, I’ll stop with the random baseball movie quotes. For now.
I love the guy that says “It’s over, knock this place down with a bulldozer and put a parking lot here instead”…that’s the fan you gotta love.
As for the Dodgers….well, at least it’s not the Sox.
That “guy” sounds like you.
Duke-hating is the new Yankee-hating. They’re just so f’n successful at everything, all the time, that you get to the point you want them to lose just out of spite.
…and I could give a shit less about Duke or baseball. Wake me when football season starts.
Duke-hating’s been around for a long time, even when I lived in LA (that’s because Duke beat UCLA many years ago in March madness and I still haven’t forgotten it).
Am I the only one who’s going to stand up for Fever Pitch here? Come on! When Jimmy Fallon does that thing where he screws up his face into a funny expression? And then when Drew Barrymore does that thing where she screws her nose up into that adorable expression?…Anyone? Anyone?…
Seriously, I like that movie and I’ve been trying to get my friend who is Sox Superfan #1 to watch it. That sort of badmouthing isn’t going to help my case any.
You’re assuming your case needs helping. Let me hwlp you: it’s beyond help. That movie was terrible and I still resent United Airlines for subjecting me to it on the trip to Japan last year.
The type of people who like Fever Pitch and root for Duke are the sort who would defend A-Rod’s blatant bush-league cheating in last night’s Yankees game.
I like the Dodgers because with Nommie, D-Lowe and Dr. Do-Little as the manager, they are the bizarro 2003 Red Sox.
Or, as my friend MJ calls them, Red Sox Juniors.
i own fever pitch and last year i used to watch it during the playoffs when the red sox weren’t in it.
Jimmy Fallon got you through October? So sad.
Dammit all. And I was convinced the Bird had good taste. Now that supposition’s been shot to hell. Fever freakin’ Pitch? Come on.
I know, kind of makes you think differently of her, doesn’t it?
Baseball games can become almost unbearable at time listening to a bunch of jackasses that think they know what they’re talking about. A couple of weeks ago I sat in front of three guys who talked for a solid 3 innings about the virtues of Eric Byrnes and what a mistake it was for the Orioles to let him go. No wonder the Orioles suck. Why bother putting a quality product on the field when the fans are too clueless to even recognizing sucking?
ps I did not know those guys from Major League had names. “Who gives a shit, it’s gone.”
pps Fever Pitch definitely sucks.
ppps Whoever mentioned Rookie of the Year earlier. That sucks too. Might be my least favorite baseball movie ever. And thats saying something, because you might recall that Freddie Prinze Jr. made one.
I didn’t know he had a name either until I confirmed his quote on imdb.com.
You know what was a surprisingly good baseball movie? The Rookie. Very realistic, considering it was a biopic of someone still alive, which is often a recipe for disaster.
Did you know that Steve Sax named his kid after Orel Hershiser?
Oldest Dodger joke in the world. I expect more from you, Baby Bien.
Speaking of Major League, am I the only one who was completely shocked to find out that President Palmer, aka The Allstate Guy was Pedro Cerrano? I mean, that’s almost worse than DB Woodside (President Palmer 2) once playing a convicted sex offender who liked little boys on CSI.
When did you find this out? For me, it was weird seeing Pedro Cerrano (Serrano?) playing the President.
What about “Quantum Leap”’s own Scott Bakula getting top bill in the third installment?
I also love the fact the Corbin Bernsen’s career was strong enough in the late 80s that he could get the roll of Roger Dorn, but then sucked enough in the late 90s that he was still playing Roger Dorn.
That’s closer to the level of humor I expect from you.
Roll should be role.
I admit that I don’t know every intricacy of baseball, but I know when not to run my mouth. I almost smacked the guy sitting behind me at a Nats game who yelled “can of corn” any time that the ball could be fielded, regardless of whether it was a pop-up. When I’m in a position to correct someone’s baseball-related slang, you know it’s bad.
Can of corn? What did he mean by that?
You know, it’s not just baseball. One year (when sitting in the Greek section, not surprisingly) the dumbest girls sat behind us at the Big House. One time one of them said, “Safety! That’s my favorite play!” ugh.
That’s like rooting for the punter.
I didn’t recognize him not bald or carrying Jobu around. It took me a little while to put the two together.
I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
I didn’t recognize him with hair and acting all dignified.
1) I’ll cop to eating paint chips as a kid so maybe that explains my Blue Devil fandom.
2) Fever Pitch does indeed suck terribly. I saw a free sneak preview of it and I still was angry at the two hours I lost.
3) I went to a minor league Lynchburg Hill Cats game last weekend and was annoyed at the lack of quality heckling. All I heard was some annoying kid behind me doing the oh-so-tired “swing batter” chant for an eternity.
When he shouted, “Swing!” you should have popped him one.
First off, let me join you in expressing the sentiment that Fever Pitch was a terrible movie.
Next, I’m cracking up laughing at the Pedro Cerrano/President Palmer revelation going on here. I’d love to see him pray to Jobu in his next Allstate commercial, just for the hell of it.
All he had to do to help Kiefer was put a curse on the terrorists and a bat would go flying and conk them on the head. Case closed.
So let me get this straight - there’s a professional baseball team in Los Angeles? And in Washington?
GO FUCKING SOX!
It’s people like you who make me sympathize with INPY and start hating on Red Sox fans.
Nat fan is the worst…