I didn’t get to interview the Jewish, LA-based, celebrity disk jockey/ex-boyfriend of Nicole Richie at Shamrock Fest this weekend like I had planned. But if I HAD interviewed him, THIS is how I imagine it would have gone:
Arjewtino: Why did you agree to play Shamrock Fest 2007?
DJ AM: I get paid anywhere from $20,000 to $25,000 per gig and spinning to a VIP tent made up of drunk, mostly Irish Catholics, is like doing bar mitzvahs, only Jewishless-er.
Arjewtino: Do you feel weird being Jewish at a predominantly gentile event?
DJ AM: Why? Because people are acting like idiots, running around trying to kick women off unicycles, knocking powdered sugar into the air, and exposing their breasts?
Arjewtino: Yeah.
DJ AM: No, didn’t you hear how much I’m getting paid?
Arjewtino: Why do your songs play for only 1 minute before segueing into a different song?
DJ AM: When you’re drunk, your attention span is shorter than a three-day-old goldfish’s, so you need some variation and diversity in music to stay captivated. You didn’t seem to mind, though, as you “danced†to just about every song I played.
Arjewtino: Really? You saw me out there? How’d I do?
DJ AM: You DID see your friends were leaving you as you danced, right?
Arjewtino: I thought they were just giving me room to bust a move.
DJ AM: Don’t say bust a move.
Arjewtino: Gotcha. So everyone wants to know about you and Nicole Richie, but I’m too classy a blogger to bring up such a personal time in your life.
DJ AM: Thanks, I appreciate it, you get so tired of talking ab…
Arjewtino: So why did you and Nicole Richie break up? Was she too goyish for you?
DJ AM: No, as you can see from the recent sightings of Mandy Moore and me, I like schtupping the shiksas.
Arjewtino: Don’t we all?
DJ AM: I know, why is that?
Arjewtino: No clue. Probably because they don’t remind us of our mothers.
DJ AM: You’re a wise man, Arjewtino.
Arjewtino: Yeah, I know, DJ AM. Can I call you Djam, just make it one word?
DJ AM: No.
Arjewtino: How about Adam?
DJ AM: No.
Arjewtino: Mr. G?
DJ AM: Maybe, I’ll think about it.
Arjewtino: Cool, well thanks for being too busy to have this interview, Djam.
DJ AM: I’m going to have Travis Barker kick your ass.
The rest of Shamrock Fest was more fun than expected. I met up with some cool bloggers and kickball friends, listened to some decent music, won a stuffed pig by shooting water into a clown’s mouth faster than anyone else, and drank lost of free Bud Light without puking.
Below are photos from the Fest interlaced with my favorite quotes.
Myself and Baby Bien wearing girly sunglasses
“I thought you were taller.†— Joe Logon
The Shamrock Fest brought out the classiest women
“We all want attention; some of us are just more deserving than others.†— Freckled K
“Why don’t y’all talk Jew?†— Heather Barmore
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Best quote of my college career courtesy of a guy who slept with my friend Regan…
“Oh my God! I slept with a Jew!?!”
It happens, honey. It happens.
Happens to the best of us if we’re not too careful.
Hollywood sellout.
Come to think of it though, he does have a very long face.
You should see his pre-gastric bypass surgery look.
Breaking news: DJ AM and Mandy Moore broke up!!!! Maybe your interview caused it.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/03122007/gossip/pagesix/alone_again_pagesix_.htm
FYI: DJ is short for disc jockey. Not disK jockey.
I read about that this morning but decided since he didn’t bring it up in my interview, I didn’t have to change it.
Since you heart correcting people’s grammar, always put yourself last. “Baby Bien and me”
Where did that “myself” shit come from anyway.
“This is a picture of myself. Myself is dancing to the Jew DC.”
That’s so not you, [redacted].
I know how that grammar rule works, I just wanted to make sure people knew I was on the left. Imagine the horror if people thought I was Baby Bien?
Mandy Moore and DJ AM broke up almost 2 weeks ago… come on now. The news just broke yesterday. No way he could have caused that.
Unless he’s been sleeping with Mandy Moore. And that would be hot.
I wish. Even The Princess would be impressed.
I thought DJ AM was hotter. I must have been looking at a member of his posse.
And I missed the boob flash, too. I’m going to have to start wearing my glasses to these things.
I wish Heather had been a bit quicker with her photo-taking speed. Don’t worry, K, you didn’t miss much.
i heard from several sources that DJ AM is much better looking in person - can you confirm that, being the professional reporter you are?
and the girly sunglasses look surprisingly good on you boys.
I had beer goggles on so even though I’d say he is better-looking in person, my observation can’t be objectively validated.
you should have worn those sunglasses around DJ AM because he might have mistaken you two for the next hollywood “it” girls and actually talked to you.
Nah, I would have had to lose too much weight. Or developed less testosterone.
From your post and Kassy’s it sounds like you all had an awesome time. I -almost- wish I had been there.
Still bitter about the move from Ballston to RFK.
DJAM used to be VERY heavy, and now he dates anorexic women. I find that odd.
It’s like when George Costanza bought a toupee and discriminated against bald women.
Is Nicole Ritchie even still alive? The last time I saw a picture of her she looked very near death.
Have you seen “A Mighty Wind?” There’s a part that is just way funny, probably moreso to a Jewish person. The Norweigian speaking Yiddish? So funny.
I just borrowed the DVD from a friend, haven’t watched it yet.
Your glasses are so hipcool! Though I prefer my extremely non pretentious Rayban Wayfarers. ;]
I also liked your sneak picture of that classy broad. Glad to see I’m not the only
creepperson who takes pictures of randoms.I’m so glad I read replies to comments. I’m definately taking you up on that free beer next HH.
Yeah, the classiness was out in full force Saturday. That’s just one picture that we were able to capture. We missed out on the woman exposing her left breast.
Ok fine! I’M SORRY FOR MISSING THE GIANT AREOLA PICTURE! Happy??
And I totally forgot about the stuffed pig.
Oh and upon first reading this, I thought “whoa! I was so drunk I missed an interview with Djam”
I’d spell it ‘Dajam’ by the way.
And finally, I totally heart the jews. mmmkay?
You’re forgiven.
You did call him DJAM all day. And for the record NO MAKING FUN OF MY GIANT BUG SUNGLASSES PEOPLE…I was wearing huge sunglasses before Nicole even knew what dieting was. So there biatches!!
Had a blast.
And yes, DJAM is MUCH better looking in person…a lot prettier.
Please note I only made fun of them in reference to how they looked on Baby Bien, not you. You were hip before they even called it “hip”.
As noted, I meant to say, “I thought you were going to be larger than life” — Joe
Yes, in context your quote is more flattering, but I am a narcissistic, self-loathing individual with a flair for dramatic wording.