I love watching kids play baseball…and I hate watching parents watch their kids play baseball. When I read this I thought of the fights that used to break out in the stands when I was a kid and when my brother played and shuddered a little…$400 is no where near enough $$$ to do that every weekend.

Oh, and Pavano on opening day? Talk about getting screwed on Christmas morning.

Did you see SI predicted you guys to finish first in the AL East? Yeah, right. Good luck with that.

My sister was an umpire for our county’s softball league when she was about 11 or 12. She got trained and was as good as the rest of the old guys. But man oh man you should have seen how some of the parents lit into her because she “was just a kid.” It took a lot of balls.

So to speak. Your sister’s braver than me.

The umpire is a wanker. Or is that the referree? Whoever is in charge really.

That’s the cost of doing business in the profession of being an arbiter.

I could never be an umpire because I remember what a huge dick I was to umpires for like 15 years. It would probably fly off the handle if some a hole kid treated me that way.

That would actually be the best part of being an ump: throwing someone out of the game. I wish I had done it to one of the parents when I was 15.

Ha don’t you rememeber how much you were yelling at me when I was umping your playoff game.

I should have mentioned that despite my sympathy for umpiring I’m still a HUGE dick to them, as Adam can attest. But come on, I was totally pitching strikes!

$1,600 and the opportunity to stand out in the blazing heat wearing unfortunate polyester outfits and layers of padding watching little punks play bad baseball isn’t tempting? Well, I just don’t know what would be. I guess stripping’s out too, huh? Bah.

I once got asked by a drag queen to “dance” at a gay club. Yes, stripping is out.

Yeah, I saw that. Must have been written before our #1 and #2 starters went down. Damnit. Then again, I’ll wager we have a better year than the Dodger Town boys. Real men wear DARK blue.

I sense a wager coming on.

8 hours on Saturday and Sunday each weekend.

That’s a lot of weekend time given up.

As much as I could use $1600 a month (or hell, even half that), I don’t think so.

That was the other problem, my weekends would be pretty much shot to shit.. It would probably also drain my energy from going out at night. I’m already feeling the effects of old age a little too much these days.

now I don’t feel so bad for making a CLOSE call for your kickball game 4 seasons ago.

I had completely forgot about that! Was that the season my team went 0-10?

I believe that you and I both partook in umpiring a few kickball games which we did pretty well, I might add. Have you subconscously blocked that out of your memory? I guess it is possible that the bad memories overshadow the good ones.

No, I remember, it’s just that we didn’t have angry parents screaming at us.

Ehhh… Baseball. I’ve never been able to get into it, so I can’t comment on umpires in baseball. Now, soccer referees…. I could fill pages on those.

I remember the Sundays my dad would take me with him to watch soccer games at the stadium back home. I was probably 5 when I started going and the first thing dad did, right before the game started, was to turn to me and say: “OK, babe. I’m going to teach you how to curse at the referee.”

Priceless.

That’s sweet. Your dad is a wise man.

The uniforms aren’t that bad. They do have vertical stripes - as opposed to horizontal ones - don’t they? That can be elongating and, thus, very slimming. I’d rock that sh*t.

But I’d also get fired after the first game, and maybe make the local news. I don’t take too kindly to verbal attacks.

No, you don’t, K. Or sugar powder attacks.

As a baseball coach, I respect what they’re trying to do. Nevertheless, umpires remain my sworn lifelong enemy. Next time I see you, Arjewtino, I’m gonna kick tons of dirt on you. TONS!

You have been warned.

I know this is about a year old, but I found it funny.

My father was president of the Little League in my town, and sometimes had to ump my softball games. He unfairly struck me out, and ruined the memory of baseball for me forever.

OK, you win the Oldest Blog Post to Comment On Award. Good job!

That would traumatize just about anyone.

This is an awesome article. I am never be an umpire at all.

Dan Tanner’s last blog post..August NDX trade