I’m in support of Ann Coulter shutting up. Go Jews!

Too bad she wasn’t the one at Asylum that night.

Yay no Ann Coulter and more gefilte fish. That shit is the shit. Or something.

Gefilte fish is an acquired taste, like tofu or bloody marys.

How would you use Jewification with the whole cut/uncut, um, thing?

At no point, in the writing of this thing, did that cross my mind.

The problem with Judaism (and most other religions) is that they were created for primitive people like shepherds, so their rules seem kinda silly by today’s standards. Do you really want to grow a beard and be rockin the sideburns? Do you want to give up bacon?

We need a new religion for modern times (and that yippie-hippie crystals and chakra crap doesn’t count either). I’m working on starting a religion. It will be like Scientology, except with less weirdos (except for me) and more value-added paraphenalia that you’re required to buy for spiritual salvation. Maybe I’ll charge a montlhy membership fee (like health insurance) so that you have to keep paying if you want to avoid damnation. Maybe I’ll have pay-per-view specials. I don’t know. I’ll definitely have a webpage though. If it gets big enough, I can sell Google ads.

I think you may be on to something. Of course, naming is everything, so what would you call your new religion?

why doesn’t everyone? b/c there’s only one arjewtino. thank jeebus.

For now.

Wasn’t there an awkwardly hilarious episode of “The Office” about Diwali??? Michael’s date showed up dressed like a cheerleader because he told her it was a costume party.

Yeah, actually, there was. I never saw it, but during my research into Diwali I found it online. I’ll have to make a point of watching it.

I couldn’t give up bacon. I’m sorry.

Neither could I. It’s the dessert of the meat world.

the ninja had me at bacon…
sorry..
xoxo

That’s why he might be successful with his nascent religion.

could the extra pigs eat ann coulter? just a hope…

Kind of like in the Silence of the Lambs sequel? That was pretty disgusting.

Your blog puts a smile on my face every time I read it.

Then my work here is done.

Thank you.

Your blog initiates an irreversible chain of events that always ends with me having two eggs to incubate for the next 10-12 weeks.

Again, my work here is done.

Your blog is like the Jewish version of a different blog.

yeah, but if we always read right to left, we’d have to write that way, too, and then the majority of us would have smudges all over our writing the way lefties do. but otherwise, I think it’s a great idea!

Forgot about the difficulty in writing, I’ve been so used to using computers. You raise a good point.

Ah, to be a chosen person. Oh wait, I am.

We are a lucky bunch.

I think the eating of Ann Coulter would make the pigs holy and clean, and then everyone in the world would be cleared for bacon.

That’s some specious reasoning, but I like it.

I love me some Purim. So much so that my Jewish coworkers all think I’m Jewish because I always wish them a happy one when it falls on a work day.

There would also be more good delis in DC and knishes would be considered a major food group.

Of course, as I am in the middle of Portnoy’s Complaint, I fear there may also be more manditory guilt.

Ooh! Yes! I’d be delighted if the pigs ate Ann Coulter and we didn’t have to give up bacon. And FK makes a good point, you know. Personally, I’m in favor of penile Jewification.

Oops - didn’t mean to be anonymous.

Ooh! Yes! I’d be delighted if the pigs ate Ann Coulter and we didn’t have to give up bacon. And FK makes a good point, you know. Personally, I’m in favor of penile Jewification.

would this mean i could finally use jdate?

*rubbing hands together and cackling*

btw, thanks to computers i’ve forgotten how to write cursive.

Why doesn’t everyone? Because the thought of “gefilte fish to go” is enough to make me vomit.

Amen on Ann Coulter!

As for the rest of it, sounds good to me. Where do I sign up?

You’re right about how “we all do the same thing, merely filtering the world through the lens of our personal identities and experiences.” (Sorry to copy and quote there. Gauche, I know, but you said it so well.) It’s called ordering our universes and setting things in order, if you will, based on what we know and are most comfortable in.

Jewify away. I love the idea.

Jo beat me to my comment. I cannot give up bacon, or pork in general. My grandma’s pozole (a spicy pork and hominy stew) and the lechoncito de Navidad are too much to sacrifice.

A) We all know Jews are the shit. It is obvious.
B) America would be inherently better if Jews were the majority.
C) Delis are basically amazing.
D) All penises should be circumsized (don’t ask).

I totally back all statements made in this post. Jews are the chosen for a reason and Purim is fuckin’ bad ass.

hahaha. There would be more pigs. That’s funny. And the Anne Coulter thing…that would just be beautiful.

i’m catholic and love the purim as well. there really should be a christian support group for the kids who love jewish shit.

You Jewify things just like Christians christianize everything. You’re no different. After all, what is Haloween? Is it really a Christian holiday?!

Obviously the zionists have found it easyto jewify the halacaust and apartheid in Palestine. How ironic.