Friday, June 22nd, 2007...10:12 am
“Sure, go ahead and leave your friends, the only people who really care about you, fine, just take off”*
Today is my last day at the Federal agency where I have been working the past 4 ½ years. Since there is no longer the risk of getting Dooced, I can reveal that my employer for nearly half a decade was the FAA, a top-notch agency that I will miss.
The FAA runs on the expertise and dedication of thousands of public servants who work hard (in varying degrees) everyday to ensure your flight from point A to point B is safe.
(FYI: For those of you scared to fly, I have some good news and bad news. Scroll down to the last paragraph to read more.)
But what about the unsung heroes of the FAA who have kept the agency afloat and made my experience here an interesting one? They deserve thanks, too.
Thank you, Rhonda the security guard, for thinking my name was Allan my entire time at the FAA. I never had the heart to correct you so I let you continue to call me Allan, which was weird since you looked at my ID badge every afternoon.
Thank you, Culito my Puerto Rican immigrant friend, for hugging me every morning even before I had my coffee and butchering the English language for the entertainment of us all. (“There are plenty of fish in the sink”; “Attention, ladies and vaginamen”; “I can’t go to softball tonight, I have the Ricky Martin concert”; and my favorite exchange:
Arjewtino: “I worked at the Journal Newspapers in 1999 and 2000.”
Culito: “Really? Did they pay you in Jew money?”
Thank you, MJ, for once mishearing what Culito said and screaming in a crowded lunch room, “YOU WANT ME TO BRING YOU A HOOKER??”
Thank you, Brewies Chewies, for sitting on the toilet next to me last year, reaching underneath my stall and grabbing my FAA ID badge. You ruined “crossword time” for me forever.
Thank you, Sammy, the Muslim Egyptian hot dog vendor, who let me circumvent the line to buy Camel Lights, yet lectured me on the evils of smoking. I’m sorry I spoiled the result of the Liverpool-AC Milan match for you last month.
Thank you, Fausto Hilario, my Cuban cubicle-mate my first week on the job, for providing me my favorite name of all time, one which I hope to use for a character in a novel someday.
Thank you, Sgt. Barnaby, my favorite squirrel, for stashing away those nuts in the large planter outside the FAA and giving me a pseudo-Animal Planet episode. Haven’t seen you in a while, hope you’re not dead.
Thank you, all of you who walked past the escalator and instead used the elevator to go to the second floor, thereby delaying me by 10 seconds.
Thank you, , for not banishing me from the coffee club even when I didn’t wash the coffee pot.
Thank you, K-Mac, for banishing me from the coffee club just because I didn’t wash the coffee pot.
Thank you, Kirchner, for taking me for my first and, so far, only liquid lunch.
Thank you, D, for playing the role of big brother and guiding me through life. You can stop molesting me now.
Thanks to everyone at the FAA, my co-workers who never knew I had a blog, all the employees I repeatedly saw on the Metro and pretended not to see, and my friends — Patricio, Chosang, Mexican Liz, HC, KD, and everyone else.
One last special thank you to Train Wreck Secretary who once told me if I didn’t accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior that I was the anti-Christ. I hope God’s son got you that raise you wanted.
From above: The good news about aviation safety is that there has never been a safer time in history to fly. The chances of crashing are so slim that only the strangest series of blunders could make your aircraft hurtle out of the sky. The bad news is that you’ve been worrying about the wrong thing. Once an airplane is airborne, you are all but 100% safe from an accident. It’s when the plane is taxiing on the runway that you should be concerned.
* That heart-felt sentiment was written on my goodbye card from my co-workers.
HC, Arjewtino, MJ, Mexican Liz
Arjewtino, Chosang
Photo credit (via Treo): Chosang
Thanks for a fun last night out, people!
30 Comments
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:20 am
Very nicely done.
When I eventually leave my bloodsucking company I’m totally stealing your idea.
BTW, you’d better still bring your former coworkers to happy hours. It wouldn’t be the same without them!
Careful about “stealing” my idea, Jo; remember what happened to that MySpace chick who ripped you off!
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:23 am
but you’re still bringing MJ, Culito, and Brewies Chewies to happy hours, right? I mean, let’s focus on the important stuff here.
and thank you for a good laugh this morning. I still want to try the burger nazi burgers someday.
We’ll take a field trip on one of my days off…MJ, Culito, and BC can’t live without me so I’m sure you’ll still be seeing them.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
i didn’t “mishear” culito. he asked me to bring him home a hooker from vegas, its just no one thought i would question the request so loudly.
no mention of my fantastic cupcakes? we’ll miss you grandpa, it just won’t be the same without you.
That’s right. Remember, I’m old, I forget things called “facts”.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:38 am
Good luck with the new gig! Hope that your new taskmaster will let you blog on their time, too.
I’m sure I’ll fool them, too.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:38 am
“Thank you, Kirchner, for taking me for my first and, so far, only liquid lunch.”
We’re SO gonna have to fix this.
I’ve got a feeling you mean it.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:49 am
and somehow I don’t think INPY defines “fix” as “never having another liquid lunch”.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:53 am
This was a charming, funny, sweet goodbye post. And as someone who is certain of dying every time I’m in a plane, you’ve assuaged my fear of being airborne.
Good, that was pretty much what I learned here. Flying is safe; actually being on the runway could be safer.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:58 am
Well, I hope that at your new gig you are not on the GS system. That way, you can eat lunch from someplace other than a hotdog cart (unless you only buy cigarettes there, in which case you can disregard this comment).
I never was on the GS; we used Core Comp, which gave you merit-based raises. Revolutionary, huh?
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:40 am
Good luck. I’m a little jealous.
It’s all yours.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
So, what’s the exchange rate on Jew money? Is it better than British pounds? I bet I know what the deal is with that:
Damn it, there goes our secret.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Oh, and can I just say Culito is my favorite? I just want to put him in my pocket and carry him around all day.
You should, he pretty much fits into any pocket. But I think AJ called dibs on him first.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Don’t worry, if I -do- steal your idea I’ll give you all the credit!
You could always use the “Inspired by…” catchphrase.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
what a sweet thing to do! i have the stupidly false but to-your-credit feeling i know these folks now…
my last day as a receptionist at PBS, years ago, involved a woman who said to me, because I was going to grad school, ‘i always *knew* you were better than a receptionist.’
almost snorted my ginger ale through my nose on
that one.
much success at your new gig!
Thanks, Jess. I’ve never had a “bad” last day where someone said something stupid. These last couple of days have been so great that I’ll have nothing but good feelings about everyone — even the ones I hate.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:15 pm
You’re the anti-christ?
That may cause you to drop in my blogroll.
Funny, I thought that would make me go up on your blogroll.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Thank you, all of you who walked past the escalator and instead used the elevator to go to the second floor, thereby delaying me by 10 seconds.
God! Michelle & I are always complaining about people who do that. Except we’re not cool enough for an escalator but what’s a flight of stairs, yanno? Jesus!
Speaking of Him… that’s awesome that that woman told you you were the anti- christ. You should’ve just said something like, “Whatever. You speak blasphemy.”
Or “I’m Chosen, you’re just posin’.”
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Well, we balance out it, you know?
Got to cover all of our bases….(praise allah)
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:28 pm
with coworkers like that, why ever leave? I wish you luck in your next endeavor though, whatever it is.
also, have a mentioned you look a lot like my high school boyf? (ahhh, first loves)
Thanks. And if you still talk to him, tell him he’s REALLY good-looking.
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:49 pm
ps. INPY tells me we share a birthday. Happy Birthday!
We Cancers are pretty much awesome. We also share it with Freckled K.
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:37 pm
This was an awesome post.
As we say at my company, “You can do anything you want on your last day at the company. And depending on what you do today, this could be that last day we talked about. ”
please keep posting.
My lone act of rebellion today was wearing jeans. I’m crazy like that.
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Does this mean we’re not going to lunch again?
Great post.
I’ll probably use my RDOs to come back and have lunch with my FAA friends, so that dream is alive and well.
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:38 pm
Haha I was going to say you could mention something about part of the chosen ones. She probably wouldn’t have any idea what you were talking about, though. Blah. Ignorant woman! >:O
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Wow!! I’m Famous!!
We’ll have to do that liquid lunch again — I still have my toothbrush!! I guess now I can never come back if you’re not there. It just wouldn’t be the same. Maybe we could have a reunion in a few years.
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:59 pm
Interesting, today was also my last day at my job. Good luck with wherever you are headed.
Now on to less blogging and more celebratory drinking.
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:27 am
Che, Mr. Arjew. Mi amigo, mi hermano, mi Papá. Oscar Mike Golf. Who am I going to poke every morning? Who am I going to hug and say the word penis or make the first sex joke to in the mornings? Why? Why you leave me? Oh well, I guess I’m gonna have to poke myself. But hey, there’s plenty of fish in the sink, right? Good luck Che. You will be missed at work.
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:29 pm
PACO!!!!!!! Te vamos a extrañar pibe!!! No one will be correcting our ingles anymore…but we have to go and expolit your latinoness next time we all go out dancing! I wish you the best of luck in your new job!
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I’m so angry at you for leaving that I drove my Bug to a nearby barn and danced for 20 minutes. You will be sorely missed and whomever occupies your cubicle, I’m going to call them by your name, even if they try to correct me. And remember you are irreplacable until the bids go through. Mmm.. Potaters! Chewies out!
June 25th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Can’t believe I find out Arjewpoopo life facts from a fucking blog. Did you get canned? Was it sudden? Will you land on your feet? Do you need money?
June 26th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Arj- Imagine having the ‘train-wreck secretary’ for a professor. Now imagine that being ALL of your professors. *sigh* God, I hate the South sometimes.
Good luck with the next chapter; I look forward to reading all about it.
E.
June 26th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Congrats on the new job -whatever it is. Oh, and I agree. we Cancers are pretty awesome.
August 21st, 2007 at 9:54 am
[…] Photo credit: Chosang […]
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