-
Arjewtino
- I should have been more superstitious, Alex Trebek
- What? Don?t they serve bread at Mizzou?
- No concussions at this blogger happy hour
- I learned several new words today
- The greatest season finales in history: A Blogger Happy Hour
- It?s the end of Movember as we know it, and I feel fine
- DC Blogs Photography Contest
- Gawker keeps stalking me
- New York City? Get a rope
-
Blogroll
- 23/6
- Average Jane
- Blonder Than You
- Bridal Bird
- Caged Bird Sings
- Citizen of the Month
- Collateral Damage
- Culinary Couture
- Freckled K
- Grateful Dating
- Hey Pretty
- I Now Pronounce You
- I Wish I Was Like You, Easily Amused
- Life of Red
- Listen to Leon
- Love is Blonde
- Magic Jewball
- Playaz Ball
- Roissy in DC
- Roosh
- Seeking John Galt
- Starting Today
- The Brooklyn Boy
- Tickle My Kittens
- What Would J. Crew Do?
Some of you may remember in January when a Burkina Faso banker man promised me $5.6 million after a client crashed his “sharter plane” into “mount kenyan”. My economic shrewdness has since continued as another e-mail has landed in my inbox telling me I have apparently won 1 million Euro in the “Lottoria Spanish”, a contest — get this — I didn’t even enter!
While the African banker, Mr. Buba, has not delieverd yet on his promise to send me his dead client’s riches, I am certain that Raul Peters’s assurance will happen. Let’s examine the reasons:
1. Mr. Buba claimed to be a “Foreign Remmittance Manager”. Raul Peters, however, is an “International Remittance Officer”, a title that is not only spelled correctly but also looks better on business cards.
2. Raul sent a personal e-mail to me but wrote “Dear Winner” in the subject heading. At first glance, this might look like a depersonalized way of mass e-mailing a phishing scheme. But Raul KNOWS I’m a winner and knew it was the proper way to address me.
3. A Google search of “Lottoria Spanish” yields several hits suggesting this is a “hoax” or “scam”. This is a clever ruse set up by the Lottoria to dissuade the dimwitted and gullible from cashing in on their winnings. Suckers.
4. While “lottoria” is not a Spanish word, Raul smartly disguised the promotion as Italian to throw off less intelligent lottery winners. Using the correct language would have just been too suspicious.
5. “After this automated computer ballot, your e-mail address attached to serial number 25-6565 drew the lucky numbers 6-13-18-24-33-39 which consequently emerged you as one of first fifty (10) lucky winners in this category.”
Raul might have confused “fifty” with “10”, but he totally nailed my lucky numbers. Six is my birth month, 13 is the age when I started stealing porn magazines from convenience stores, 18 is the numerical value of chai, the Hebrew word for life, 24 is my birthday, 33 was the number of my favorite baseball player growing up, Jose Canseco, and 39 is the atomic number of yttrium, by far my favorite element of the periodic table. Does this guy know me or what?
6. “Your fund is now deposited in an offshore bank with a hardcover insurance.”
I don’t know what that means, Raul, but it sounds smart and, therefore, legitimate.
7. “Due to the mix up of some numbers and names, we advice that you keep this award from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted to you as this is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unwarranted taking advantage of this program by the general public.”
This is the final piece that clears up any doubts one might have of its authenticity. Aside from his horrendous syntax, Raul is making it clear that people want to ruin my chances to be a millionaire so I better keep this quiet. Thanks for looking out for me, Raul.
Between the Lottoria Spanish and the Burkina Faso claim, I am well on my way to collecting more than $6 million. I suggest you try to befriend me now before it becomes clear you only like me for my money.
And my sharter plane.
Comments
Can you spot me a fiver, Richie Rich?
No problem, K, but it comes with a 35% interest rate. Take it or leave it.
So you really can support me! I’m handing in my notice to my job tomorrow. (Not that it’ll make a difference because I’m actually paying somebody NOT to pay me. The university has a great system going.)
I always said I’d take care of you with my government salary and complete and total disinterest in making gobs of cash.
You’re welcome.
I’m officially a persona non-grata at the library, because my giggles over the “lottoria” have caused many a weird/bad stare from very serious students. You’re gonna have to hand over some of that money so I can buy my way back into my study space.
With more than $6 million to go around, I’m sure I can afford to get you a $10 gift card for Politics and Prose.
Yeah, I hate the douchebags who send those emails. Apparently I have relatives in Africa and of the million cousins, aunts, uncles and what have you that I’ve got … it’s ME they want to give their millions to! I bet my family has a hate on for me because of it.
I’m actually starting to enjoy seeing the different places they’re picking for their scams. Soon, there will be one from a relative in Antarctica.
I totally thought of you the other day when one of those 60 minutes type shows followed up with a few of those scams, er, emails, and went to london to meet two of them. it was great! (well, at least the parts I saw during the commercial breaks of the search for the next Pussycat Doll)
Oh, man, I would have LOVED to watch that episode! Did you record it? Oh, sorry, DVR it?
Books are my greatest vice. Shoes even come a distant second…
Shoes come in 763rd place for me; and while I tend to be somewhat cheap when it comes to mass consumerism, I always feel like there’s money for books.
Sharter = Starter charter plane? To be your first of many, I’m sure.
Read the blog post I linked to, it explains what I assumed a “sharter plane” was.
so drinks are on you next time? sweet. i knew you were a shrewd businessman, but well…brav-o.
I can use my government credit card for blogger happy hours, right?
Lucky you! So far I’ve only won the Nigerian Lottery!
How much money did you make? Let’s pool it together and buy half of South America.
There are a ton of scam baiting games out there. I picked this one because it has the word “Codpiece” on the home page. (And, really, who doesn’t need a little codpiece in the morning?)
You should totally play. It’d be hilarious.
I’ll check it out and get back to you.
Okay, so you are buying drinks and gift cards all around, and I get hit with the 35% interest rate? What the hell?!
That’s the way the world works. MY world.
Now you really do need the pocket watch and monocle look, moneybags.
Check your pockets, I stole yours last night.
Damnit.
Sweet, now that you’re gonna be hella rich will you sponsor my self- discovery trip to Japan? I’ll repay you with whatever esoteric and existential thoughts I acquire.
Excuse, and what you think concerning forthcoming elections?
cool blog!
nice photos of this blog
Thank you.
[…] Though my blog is ad-free, I am still waiting for the $5.6 million check from Burkina Faso or the 1 million Euro check from Spain to come […]
[…] a bank manager in Burkina Faso who wanted to give me $5.6 million. Others may recall the time I won 1 million Euro two months later in the “Lottoria […]