This is what they like to call “live-blogging”. I call it “I have nothing else to do in the Kansas City Airport because my United flight back to Dulles was delayed four hours”. That is not a typo. FOUR HOURS. There are only so many pages I can read of celebrity magazines The Economist before I get bored and need to see what’s been happening on the Interwebs since I’ve been offline the past five days.
I traveled to St. Joseph, MO, a small city near Kansas City, to visit The Princess’ family and celebrate the Christian Hanukkah known as Christmas. It’s only the third Christmas I have ever celebrated in my life (my second in St. Joe) and it is a fun time each and every time.
From what I can tell, Christmas involves a lot of snow, gobs of ham, turkey, and biscuits and gravy, awkward conversations with family members you barely remember, a 24-hour A Christmas Story marathon on TBS, sibling bickering, a shitload of beautifully wrapped presents, watching family members dance to Soulja Boy, and the inevitable passive-aggressive prying from The Princess’ mom over when exactly we’re going to make her a grandma.
Our moms, though they have never met, recently became BFFs. They e-mail each other nearly every day and hatch plots to make us procreate. My mom has told me she doesn’t even care anymore about marriage, she just wants an expensive and ungrateful pooping/crying organism to dote over. I know we are not the only ones who feel . I usually try to distract the moms’ not-so-subtle pleas by reminding them they have other children to harass.
It is an odd feeling returning home (in 3 1/2 hours) after hanging out for nearly a week in your PJs and feeling warm and toasty a thousand miles away from your real life and even more real responsibilities. The Princess, after dropping me off at the airport and driving into the city with her dad, offered to come back to the airport to retrieve me. I told her that would be silly and that I’d prefer hanging out at the airport anyway.
I haven’t really missed checking my e-mail or blog or fantasy hockey team. In fact, I realized how truly insignificant these Web-based diversions really are. Still, it’s just nice to get some time alone to kick back at the airport, where I don’t know anyone and I can people watch and Web surf uninterrupted.
Of course, it’s not exactly like being at home. Though I appreciate KCI’s free Wi-Fi service, the airport won’t let me access certain sites. What Would Tyler Durden Do?, the male version of Pink is the New Blog, “has been categorized as Pornography”. Maybe it’s because it shows fake naked photos of Hayden Panettiere or maybe it’s because the site is obsessed with Jessica Alba’s breasts (who isn’t?).
In any case, I’m sure I have been flagged as a pervert and am being tracked online as we speak. I’m no computer expert, so if that is possible and KCI authorities are watching my Web surfing activities, I just want to say I love your small-as-shit airport and thanks for the free Interweb service. No perverts here.
Looks like I have a lot of blogs to catch up on and a lot of weird-looking people to watch here at the airport. Maybe I’ll head down to the bar and ask Chiefs fans why their team sucks, or maybe I’ll head to the CNBC shop and pick out the new issue of Esquire. Oh, look, there’s a little boy throwing a tantrum! I hope he’s on my flight.
There’s also a Cinnabon store here in case I feel like spending my remaining time here in the airport shitter. I’m sure they have Wi-Fi in there, too.
Three hours to go…
Comments
at least it’s a decent airport! I couldn’t imagine spending 4 hours (or even more than the 2 I had) at Tegel in Berlin, which is basically a small town airport hangar converted into a commercial airport. And the internet was most definitely *not* free. if only it had a Cinnabon!
UPDATE: My flight has been delayed again, now leaving 5 1/2 hours after its scheduled departure time.
That airport bar food is not feeling good.
UPDATE II: Flight has been delayed another 25 minutes. KCI is starting to feel like home.
I hope you get home soon and safely. I spent some quality time at KCI, and I can’t say that it’s an experience worth repeating ….
I’m also obsessed with Jessica Alba’s breasteses. Which will be getting awesomer due to her procreative activities…. Thanks, Baby Jesus!
I also managed to ignore the Siren Call of the Cinnabon. I just need to think of the cinna-shakes and I am deterred every time.
What the fuck? You play fantasy hockey?
“I usually try to distract the moms’ not-so-subtle pleas by reminding them they have other children to harass”
Lucky you. As an only child, I get no respite. The harassment doesn’t come from my mom, though, but from my older aunts who think “one day I’m going to be too old”. So lovely of them…
i got delayed for over 3 hours while every other flight from delta got cancelled… then spent 45 minutes sitting on the runway. i had a dog sitting behind me out of his cage and he peed during the flight. then when i finally landed my baggage was totally ruined and i’m still waiting for my damage claim person to call me even tho i’ve called them twice. and i haven’t even had to start dealing with my return flight.
but i did make new friends at the bar. we bonded over our vow to never fly delta again.
I like to grab a Gigantic Cinnabon, the new issue of Us! Weekly and stake out the handicapped stall in the men’s room. It’s my home away from home.
“an expensive and ungrateful pooping/crying organism to dote over”
She wants a dog?
Whoo, we got a link! My fantasy hockey team is tearing up the league standings.
I once spent 8 hours on the way to spring break in O’Hare airport. If you think we didn’t have relay races you’re crazy.
WWTDD, one of my favorite sites, seems to be considered porn all over the place. I fucking hate internet filters.
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