Friday, August 17th, 2007...9:36 am
One-Sided Eavesdropping
I’m on the Metro train, end of the day. My Express crossword is finished. My book, An African in Greenland, doesn’t have enough pretty pictures to entertain me. I need to be entertained. I must be entertained on this hour-long commute. This is when I play a game called “One-Sided Eavesdropping”.
Much like Garfield would be funny if you took out the strip’s dialogue, eavesdropping is much more fun when you can only hear one side of the conversation. It leads to incongruous segues and mystifying comments.
Earlier this week, I could not help but listen to some dude guy talking to his friend while on the Orange Line:
Dude Guy: I usually get motion sick when I ride backwards.
DG’s friend: …
Dude Guy: It’s usually when I’m reading or playing poker on my phone.
DG’s friend: …
Dude Guy: It used to be worse when I was a kid and I’d throw up.
DG’s friend: …
Dude Guy: Which one are you talking about? The hot one? She wasn’t there last week.
DG’s friend: …
Dude Guy: It would have come in handy since I have a dog.
I’m actually happy I couldn’t hear Dude Guy’s friend’s meek voice, it made for a more entertaining conversation.
11 Comments
August 17th, 2007 at 9:42 am
A day’s worth of fun could be had with this.
Dude Guy: Which one are you talking about? The hot one? She wasn’t there last week.
DG’s friend: Too bad. She was supposed to bring you that jar of peanut butter.
Dude Guy: It would have come in handy since I have a dog.
August 17th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Now I need to try this. It may break my habit of imposing dirty meanings to all things I overhear. Or, you know, enhance that…. Win-win.
August 17th, 2007 at 10:52 am
This reminds me of a great one-sided eavesdrop I had in an airport a few months ago. A guy was nervously pacing around asking the person on the other end of the phone to get log into his email account and delete EVERYTHING. I don’t know what kind of stuff this guy was involved in, but it couldn’t have been good.
Also, I don’t understand the people that must face forward on the Metro. What do they do in NYC where most of the seats face inward? Sit sideways on the bench? I think it’s all psychosomatic and if people didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t be an issue.
August 17th, 2007 at 10:52 am
I drive to work and back, and never leave my apartment in-between, so it will be difficult for me to participate in this game. There are the folks that sit outside of my local Starbucks all day, but they normally finish their own conversations, and that’s no fun.
August 17th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Sometimes I answer my phone at work in the following manner:
“..For all I care she can have the abortion! Hello this is (name)….”
Makes the person on the other end have to assume what/who I was talking to immediately before picking up the phone - rather amusing.
August 17th, 2007 at 11:08 am
We love fucking around with our friends when they’re on the phone. A cliched favorite is screaming “Jesus, [ friend who is girl on phone with boyfriend], where are my pants!? I’m late!”
You might enjoy eavesdropdc.blogspot.com. You’ll most definitely enjoy overheardinnewyork.com and it’s various sister sites.
August 17th, 2007 at 11:53 am
I giggled out loud at I-66’s comment. Very nice.
I love eavesdropping. I hate being caught eavesdropping however. Sunglasses are great for this. They don’t know you’re looking at them.
August 17th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
garfield was actually funny in his first season, back when his eyes were drawn cool round instead of dorky hallmark oval.
jim davis shoulda pulled a calvin and hobbes and left on a high note.
August 17th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Oooohhh the many possibilities that conversation could’ve flowed…. Hehehehe. Dirty Mexican mind at work.
August 18th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Hahaha. Are you sure there is someone with him? Or is he talking over the phone? Or maybe he is schizophrenic?
August 20th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
By the way, having an iPod and a crossword makes eavesdropping much easier; people tend to assume you’re not listening. Put the music on low or turn it off, and it’s the aural version of sunglasses.
And the crossword is an inconspicuous pad and paper to write down the inane shit you hear all day.
Not that I’m creepy or anything…
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