Monday, December 3rd, 2007...11:14 am
It’s the end of Movember as we know it, and I feel fine
If the journey of a thousand steps starts with just one, then the voyage of a mustache starts with just a lonely whisker. And it ends with a team of men who briefly tasted the awesome, if not hyperbolic, majesty of the mustache.
(Watch to the end for a cameo by Baby Bien explaining victory is his.)
Hundreds of whiskers and thousands of dollars later, Movember is finished. Our team raised $4,100 to fight ass cancer, with friends, family, and ever strangers chipping in $1,403 to my individual effort. Considering I was hoping to raise $200 and our initial team goal was $1,000 TOTAL, these fundraising amounts far exceeded our expectations. What does this prove? That you guys are ass cancer-kicking rock stars. And we thank you.
Our participation in Movember began as the brainchild of team captain and evil mastermind Foxymoron, who convinced five men to flout social norms and fulfill their genetic imperative to grow facial hair. Driven by my desire to not die of prostate cancer and to save my future erections, I agreed to do it.
And in the past 30 days, I learned a lot about my friends, facial hair, society, and myself — not bad for letting an obnoxious soup strainer grow above your upper lip.
Among these lessons:
1. Everyone should have a mustache idol.
My ’stache idol is my dad, who had the very first mustache I ever saw. As a child, I used to draw pictures of him with crayons and alway started on a blank sheet of paper with one feature: his mustache. I would give him these drawings and always beamed when he told me how proud he was of me.
Zorro is also a pretty cool idol. He fought against oppression, for the love of hot Mexican women, and the right to carve zees on the sides of tree trunks.
2. A mustache makes you a rebel.
The truth is, the mustache fell out of favor in the modern U.S. shortly after the cancellation of Magnum P.I. Since then, growing one has been considered taboo in social situations unless you do porn or consider yourself a gunslinger. It took guts for us to do this all month, risking standing at work, being shunned by our lovers, and facing those hard stares every day on the Metro.
The Wall Street Journal wrote a piece about men taking this risk. And a private school across even came under fire for threatening to bar a student who was participating in Movember of he didn’t shave off what they called his “bum fluff”.
3. Mustachioed people bond.
As my pushbroom grew everyday, I noticed more often men with their own mustaches and felt an instant kinship. Sure, they weren’t always doing it for charity, such as the guy who looked like Rollie Fingers who I saw at Atomic Billiards and asked if he was “doing Movember”, but we still were brothers in a way. I went from being a mustache apologist to embracing the very thing I thought I would never see on my face.
Also, my teammates — Foxymoron, , Nickels, INPY, Rory, and Fraim — all met up at least once a week to celebrate our ’staches over some beers. We ridiculed each other for our common plight, drank lots of cheap beers, and even won a trivia night at Madhatters together. My Mo Bros will always be my bros.
4. A mustache is your passport to an awesome party.
The Alcohol and Razors party was held on Friday, the last day of Movember. Though we couldn’t attend the official Movember Gala in NYC despite the fact that each one of us qualified (minimum $200 in fundraising), we hosted the official Mo Town party for DC at INPY’s house and Wonderland. So many friends and donors came to enjoy the open bar of kegs and liquor, laugh at the ceremonial shaving, and watch that outstanding Movember DVD put together by Rory and which you can see at the top of this post or by clicking .
Of course, what blog post of mine is complete without some photos from the party? Enjoy:
MJ, HC, Baby Bien and Brewies Chewies loved touching my mustache:
Brewies Chewies takes one last, long, aching, passionate look at my bigotes:
The Princess reacts to Shiftless Badger’s face manipulation:
Nickels and Foxymoron ponder the end of the Mo road:
INPY, J-Vo, and Rory:
Using my Redskins mug to hide face from public view:
MJ, Cagey, and The Princess before the pillow fight started:
Tits McGee and J-Vo loved the idea of having a mustache without having to, you know, grow one:
Hanna Montana and I compare biceps after I whooped her in arm wrestling. The only thing we proved is that I’m the whitest man alive:
The Princess was not a fan of the mustache, which made her role in shaving mine off all the more poignant:
She needs to practice lathering shaving cream on my face, though:
The shaving begins:
“You look weird,” she said:
Check out Shiftless Badger’s look of abject horror as I haphazardly wave the razor across his neck:
His fear gave way to calm as he realized how gentle I would be:
INPY started the night filming a Got Milk? commercial:
Starting Today goes to town on INPY’s face:
Mel makes her husband Fraim pay for participating in Movember:
Then Foxymoron shows her how it’s done:
Satan took over Rory’s body shortly before being shaved:
It didn’t stop Cagey, though, from shearing that thing off his face:
Cagey feels up Rory’s post-shave upper lip:
To read more about our month-long Movember journey, click HERE. I leave you with this exchange between The Princess and myself a few days ago:
AJT: “I think I’m going to move right along into Beardember and grow a beard in December.”
The Princess: “Why can’t you be normal?”
28 Comments
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:29 am
Perhaps you all could team up with the Rambler, creator of Manpoo, for some sort of mustache grooming line. Just watching the commercials would make women pregnant.
That might be something to consider since Manpoo might be the greatest thing RCR ever came up with. We need to continue the Manpoo/Movember brand, though.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:31 am
I am the greatest photographer ever.
Second greatest.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:35 am
I’m so sorry to have missed the party (husband is somewhat skeptical of meeting strangers from the internet to watch them shave facial hair — gosh I wonder why, I mean it sounds so normal, really). Sounds like it was v fun and I am really impressed by your fundraising total!
When you put it that way, I’d be skeptical as well!
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am
It all looked like so much fun! (the party, not the mustache growing. ew.) Although I am surprised that The Princess actually appeared in one of the pix within your montage. but, most importantly, congrats on all the money you raised!!
Even Rocky had a montage.
She was a great sport during the entire ordeal but was probably the happiest to see it end.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am
Congratulations! you guys did a great thing. And hooray for shaving those things off, I know my friends out here who participated in Movember were champing at the bit to get rid of them.
Today, Rory sent an e-mail to the team asking if anyone missed their ’stache. INPY replied, “Not even a little bit.”
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 am
The only reason you whooped me in arm wrestling was because I was so distracted by the wretched looking mustache on your face. Now that you’ve been shaved, I’m requesting a rematch…
Sure, because otherwise you were SO close to beating me. If you want to fall to 0-2, I’ll be more than happy to make it happen.
P.S. I gave you a new nickname.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:58 am
oh? Pray tell…
Re-read the blog post.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:59 am
thanks to you guys for hosting us and giving us an opportunity to do something good for men’s asses everywhere.
i still have a vivid tactile memory of your oh-so-smooth face. oh, and i still love the princess. principessa, if you will.
I don’t think that memory will fade anytime soon for you. It’s probably indelibly burned on your brain.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
The music is perfection.
Yeah, I’d say Macho Man was an inspired choice.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
sorry i missed the shindig on friday, but i will not miss the moustaches!
Not even a little bit?
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:24 pm
The video montage is absolutely hysterical! Congrats on your successful fund raising!
I must say, though, I feel for your women- mustaches are sooooo icky! (Imagine if your women did a similar fund raiser with their legs! ha!)
When we first started this, or even before it started, The Princess and Cagey “threatened” to grow out their facial hair. My response? “Go ahead.”
I totally called their bluff.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
job well done…y’all..
xoxo
Thanks, SB, you helped make it happen.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:36 pm
you better have a goatee by friday.
It’s already in the works. Were you traumatized when you saw me?
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm
chicks shaving guys turns me on.
i now have a fetish. finally, i feel normal.
This fetish might be your most mainstream, buddy.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I’m very proud of you, Simon.
Arghhhhhh!!!! Careful, I might have to do to you what I did to the last guy who called me that.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
“Victory is mine!!!!!!!!!”
Sure thing, Super Mario.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Terrrrrrible nickname.
Not if you realize the thinking behind it. Come up with a new one, big shot.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Thank you I-66… Hanna Montana? L.A.M.E! What exactly was your thinking behind it?
A very complex system of writing down the first thing that pops into my head. Duh.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
okay, it appears in the pictures that the same razor is used by multiple people. thats kind of gross. please tell me you all just had matching razors?
No one used the same razor as far as I remember. We’re all just big fans of the Gilette Fusion. So much, in fact, that someone stole mine and now I havr to use my sucky Schick Quattro backup.
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Congratulations on the emancipation of your upper lip, and for all the money that you raised.
Thanks, man. I suppose it was easier getting a beer at our party than Saturday night?
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Congrats on the fundraising efforts! I must say you and your teammates have such baby faces. With your mustache you looked like what I imagine the protagonist from any given Isabel Allende novel would look like. That’s kinda hot.
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Your Dad had a rocking mo in that picture. 70s chique.
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:56 pm
alrighty, call me a hippy, but i like mo’s. and beards. as long as they arent unkempt and stanky! LOL! heck, even long hair is fine as long as you arent bald on top
dont any women like the scruffly manly look anymore? hehehe! i mean, facial hair is what makes a man different from a woman! well, in one way at least. heh.
dont get me wrong, i like the babybutt face as well. *LOL* my hubby has always been clean-shaven but i convinced him to let his beard and mo grow this winter. he looks very sexy and still professional!
okay enough of that
congrats on the dinero raised and im glad ya’ll had fun!!!
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:02 pm
That picture of you with your dad! Could it say “late 70s/early 80s” any louder? Looking at it I had a flashback to my own childhood. We had the same brown-colored sofas and my dad had a mustache and a puffy hairdo too. Good times, good times.
Oh! And congratulations on such a great Movember!
December 4th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Sorry I missed it. I would’ve liked to have taken a whack at that ever-so-lovely soul patch, leaving your face as nude as a baby’s bottom.
December 4th, 2007 at 10:03 am
“You look weird,” she said:
That’s because you have a “soul patch.” I hope you later shaved that off as well.
Congrats on raising so much money!
December 4th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Um, I just want to say that we didn’t threaten to grow out our facial hair…cause that would be weird, and kind of gross. We did threaten to grow out our leg and/or armpit hair, though.
December 5th, 2007 at 1:29 am
If Charlie Chaplin was alive, I bet he’d be a strong proponent of Movember.
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