Monday, August 6th, 2007...10:00 am
I remind my girlfriend of that guy from Still Standing
The Princess has started watching reruns of the cancelled CBS show “Still Standing”. That’s not the disturbing part.
She thinks the show is hilarious. That’s not the disturbing part, either.
She told me recently that Mark Addy, the main actor in the show, reminds her of me.
Mark Addy (whose name I had to look up on IMDB) is That Guy. That Guy who couldn’t get it up in The Full Monty, That Guy who was in some knights movie with Heath Something or Other. That Guy who played Fred in The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas seven years ago.
On his show, which I put on par with sitcoms like “Yes, Dear” and “According to Jim Belushi”, Addy plays a stubborn, idiotic dufus with a heart of gold (I don’t see the similarities). A rerun was on recently that showed him playing hockey again after his wife Jami Gertz (Lost Boys, Seinfeld chick who couldn’t “spare a square”) thinks her sister’s younger boyfriend is hot.
I know. Hysterical.
I asked The Princess how this bloated windbag (again, what similarities?) of a character could remind her of me. She said because he’s dorky, acts stupidly cute, and loves his wife.
So I did some research into Mark Addy’s life (who hasn’t, right?) to see if we were as different as I thought we were or if he is, truly, my spiritual doppelganger.
First, I compared similar photos. Obviously, I’m way better-looking:
Arjewtino 1, The Princess 0
I also learned that Addy has won BAFTA, MTV Movie, and Screen Actors Guild awards. I, too, have won many awards in my lifetime, including a third-place ribbon in the 50-yard dash when I was 8, Employee of the Month award when I worked in the hardware department at Sears when I was 17, and the Sportsmanship Award in Little League for my performance in the All-Star tournament.
Arjewtino 1, The Princess 1
Next, I learned that Addy has a seven-year-old daughter. I don’t.
Arjewtino 2, The Princess 1
Mark Addy is British. I can do a British accent, but only a Cockney one and only when I’m doing an impression of Austin Powers.
Arjewtino 2, The Princess 2
Addy got completely naked in his breakthrough role in The Full Monty. I like to walk around my apartment as naked as possible before The Princess either shields her eyes, laughs in my face, or runs screaming in horror.
Arjewtino 2, The Princess 3
“Mark Addy” is the name of a bar in Manchester, England. As far as I know, there is NO bar anywhere named after me. But there should be so I could have the following conversation:
Boss: “Why are you late for work?”
Me: “I’m hungover, had one too many at the Arjewtino last night.”
Rolls off the tongue.
Arjewtino 3, The Princess 3
There are no fan sites online of Mark Addy. I, however, constantly have women throwing their virtual panties at me through my blog.
Arjewtino 4, The Princess 3
It’s pretty obvious after this exhaustive analysis that I am nothing like Mark Addy and, this is going to be so sweet to say, The Princess is wrong.
Looks like I’M the one who now is still standing.
21 Comments
August 6th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Hahahaha a gazillion times! I read this entry upon booting up my laptop and I am laughing in my office right now.
Some laughing points:
1) The photo-shopped picture which somehow looks like it’s taken in front of a magic mirror.
2) The Cockney accent. I wonder how your Austin Powers mimic sounds like.
3) The naked parade and the reaction of the woman.
4) Narcissistic tendencies and panties.
Cheers and enjoy the laughter.
Yeah, I need to work on that British accent. It always start very London-sounding and devolves quickly into one that would get me beat up in Yorkshire or Birmingham.
That picture was taken on my friend’s Mac on what I think was called Photo Booth or something.
August 6th, 2007 at 11:16 am
There are no fan sites for Mark Addy because nobody knows who he is! As an inactive member of SAG, I know this to be true because when he showed up at the mixer, everyone thought he was there to clean up the vomit. Stupid Gary Busey, man. Always drinking too much.
So you’re saying I should start a Mark Addy fan site and make myself president? I hear ya.
August 6th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
who could possibly have one too many of the Arjewtino?
That’s what I tell people.
August 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
See, it’s CBS again.
For the record, you seem much cooler than that dude, AND you can get it up. Right?
Errr…hello?
Your CBS argument might, after all, carry some weight. As always, I am only swayed by your argument when it happens to me.
August 6th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Umm…that Hanging Curve thing was an accident. I don’t mean to play with fire.
Yeah, right. You pretty much only dabble in fire.
August 6th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
1) You remind me more of Dave Coulier on Full House.
2) What do we throw if we aren’t wearing any virtual panties?
Great, now I’m a pedophile.
You don’t want to know.
August 6th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I like the new banner & layout.
Haha your girlfriend thinks you look like a fat old man. I need to high- five her sometime because that just made me feel loads better than I have in quite some time. Absolutely hilar.
I don’t know anything about that guy so I can’t comment on personality but you def don’t look like him. But maybe if you grew a full beard.
I’m glad that made your day.
August 6th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
my roommate and i watch and like that show too. i can kind of see where The Princess is coming from…….
I’m in shock.
August 6th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
“Still Standing” is brought to you by Levitra. One side effect of watching Mark Addy may be priapism. If your erection lasts longer than 4 episodes, please consult your TV Guide to find the next airing of “Golden Girls”.
This may be the funniest comment (in my opinion) you’ve ever left. Looks like a trip to LA has done you good.
August 6th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
I think it’s more the result of jet lag and a lingering two day hangover. But thanks!
August 6th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Not so much a pedophile, but you did bang Alanis Morisette and had a mediocre hate song written about you.
So you have that going for, which is nice…
Has that urban legend ever been confirmed?
August 6th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
I had to comment again. I can’t stand the thought of Baby Bien being on top of me.
So…many…jokes…head…hurts.
August 6th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Haha I’m still on top of you…”B” comes before “F” *leaves door open for best following line*
August 6th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
I’m so glad that we only get the best of American crap in Australia. Thank goodness for your public vetting it for us. Needless to say, I’ve never heard of that show. Well done, folks!
August 6th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I guess being compared to Mark Addy is better than being compared to Jim Belushi. “The Full Monty” is a much better movie than “K-911.”
August 6th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Sadly, you watched one episode and totally agreed that you are like that guy–as his character. Your British accent is totally crap.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:04 am
jami gertz has a tv show!?! awesome!
August 9th, 2007 at 11:49 am
virtual panties? oh, dear Lord.
When I met you, you seemed more like a Chandler.
That was just the tie messin’ up my image.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
There are no fansites for Mark Addy? Try http://www.markaddy.com/ Not official. It’s a fansite. That means the last point does not belong to you; it belongs to the Princess, true? Which means SHE’S the one still standing.
Have a nice day.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
(Oh, and granted, it’s not MUCH of a site, but it’s still a fansite.)
August 10th, 2007 at 9:47 am
That’s the chick from the Lost Boys? Crazy. She was so silent and mysterious (and hot) in TLB. She’s annoying as all hell in Still Standing.
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