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Arjewtino
- How many five-year-olds could you take in a fight?
- I, Pronoun
- Profiles in Excellence: Shopping at Bath and Body Works
- What should we call October, the new female pubic hair growing month?
- I stayed up all night reading the Mitchell Report and Paul Lo Duca is still a cheating sack of shit
- I should have been more superstitious, Alex Trebek
- What? Don?t they serve bread at Mizzou?
- No concussions at this blogger happy hour
- I learned several new words today
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Blogroll
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- Seeking John Galt
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- Tickle My Kittens
- What Would J. Crew Do?
When I was a waiter an at Argentine restaurant in Studio City, I once served Alfonso Ribeiro, the little dude who played Carlton on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”. I can call him “little” because he was shorter than me and had a hot-ass girlfriend, which was either ridiculously unfair or gave short guys everywhere a measure of hope.
Other than ordering the Pollo Picante and giving me a slightly above-average tip, Carlton’s visit was unmemorable (unlike seeing Wayne Brady the next day).
Will Smith was not with him that day. You know why? Because the Fresh Prince was busy transforming himself into a box office powerhouse. In case you don’t have a TV or have disabled pop-up ads on your browser, you might have heard that his latest movie, I Am Legend, broke his box office record over the weekend, opening with a take of more than $77 million. His previous record was his $62 million opening weekend for I, Robot.
Many people were surprised by 28 Days Later’s I Am Legend’s record-setting opening. It reportedly doubled industry-wide expectations.
But to me, who was raised near the glitz of Hollywood in the glamorous San Fernando Valley (represent), it is obvious why Will Smith continues to attract all demographics to his movies. His formula is so simple yet so elusive. Are you ready for this? Pay attention:
He uses soliloquacious pronouns in his movie titles.
I know, I know, you probably wish you had a nickel for everytime someone argued that point. But let me argue it once more. The first-person, singular personal pronoun “I” has appeared in Big Willy’s top two opening weekend movies of all time. This might seem like a slight coincidence to the untrained Hollywood observer. But the magical pronoun has also appeared in eight of his eponymous TV show’s episodes. Check it:
I, Done: Part 1
I, Done: Part 2
I, Stank Hole in One
I, Stank Horse
I, Whoops, There It Is
I, Bowl Buster
I, Clownius
I, Ooh, Baby, Baby
Do you think Smith’s brilliant use of this pronoun stops merely at his films and movies? Try again. Remember his 1989 hit, “I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson”? It’s not an “I, Pronoun” dealio but it does start with “I”. He’s a fucking pronoun-using genius.
Sure, Smith is known for gettin’ jiggy wit’ even bigger movies like Independence Day and Men in Black, movies that didn’t start with “I”. But imagine how much BIGGER his movies would have been if he had affixed the pronoun to his movie titles. I, Ali, would have kicked more ass and I, Wild Wild West, might have grossed more than just $113 million. Hell, even “I, Parents Just Don’t Understand” would have won more than just one Grammy award.
I think I’m going to follow Will Smith’s lead and change my blog name to I, Arjewtino, and laugh maniacally as all the millions start pouring in.
Now all I need is charisma, acting skills, and the ability to actually rap and do the hippity-hop.
Comments
“Independence Day and Men in Black, movies that didn’t start with “I”. ” Ironically ID does start with an “I”…. just not “I” by itself.
just saying that the quoted sentance was funny out of context…
Sorry, I meant the word “I”.
for a minute there, i thought inpy had half-taken over your blog…
there’s a really frustrating article on mike tyson in playboy (too many people contradicting each other on memories of mike) — aaaand i got that song in my head as i read it.
as usual… this made me giggle 
Pop culture+grammar+my weird sense of humor=strange blog post.
Lala’s or Gaucho?
Gaucho. Have you been there?
I used to love Will Smith during the time of Fresh Prince, Independence Day and Men in Black. Now he’s turning into Tommy Girl and it creeps me out. Will’s wife Jada scares me.
Did you know Willy was up for the role of Neo in The Matrix but turned it down to do…Wild, Wild West? Great move.
Oh the elusive hippity-hop.
That’s what the kids are calling it these days, I think.
I, didn’t get the point.
i would LOVE to see you rap.
Hilarity would ensue.
You need this before the next blogger happy hour.
That is so awesome I have nothing to say to it other than encourage everyone to watch it.
Gaucho grill is the da bomb, true dat, double true.
It used to be much better. Our food was tastier and less expensive. Now, it’s always disappointing. Try Buenos Aires Grill if you venture out to Northridge.
i wonder how you’d sound rapping… lol
Not good, trust me. I have a better shot at looking natural doing magic tricks.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw similarities between I am Legend and 28 Days Later. A certain someone kept telling me I was out of my mind when I made that comparison.
I saw I am Legend this past weekend. I thought it was great.
I heard the same comment, and until I see this movie for myself, I won’t change my mind.
I won’t give anything away, but in seeing the movie, there were obvious differences. (And obvious similarities.) Regardless, I think you might enjoy.
no, it’s Will’s awesomeness from attending Overbrook High in Philly. Will, Wilt Chamberlain, a bunch of other NBA players, the woman who sang the Mashed Potato, and my dad, of course!
The Mashed Potato?
H, I think you dropped something.
You want more readers pouring in? Take all the buffoons I got on my site today looking for Jamie Lynn Spears. I made one stupid crack about her 6 months ago and now every hee-haw with a pc in on there!
You’ve become the Jamie Lynn Spears expert.
Hmm.. Reading this post has made me crave Argentinian food…. Must get to Queens NOW! (because the decent Argentinian restaurants in Manhattan are ridiculously expensive and in Queens you get better price and better food).
I’ve been to Buenos Aires Grill, which was pretty good but they ran out of sangria.
never, ever rap. ever. unless i have a video camera. then prepare to get you tubed.
From you, that just sounds dirty. And intriguing.
Where is Studio City? And speaking of Argentinian restaurants, do you know of any good joint to get some here in Washington DC? I am visiting the city and will be here until Sunday.
Not too many. You can go to El Patio, which is in Rockville, or try Rumba Cafe, which is in Adams Morgan and is more of a South American cuisine kind of place. But it is owned (or was) by an Argentine so he included some of my homeland’s fare.
Studio City is in LA, near Universal Studios, off the 101 freeway. Right about .
I Am Legend depressed the hell out of me. It’s a ZOMBIE movie, dammit all, and I hate those. Damn those marketing people for completely leaving out that fact in the ads. At least I didn’t have to pay for the flick (went to a free screening).
In reference to your BBW post, how is Prince Georges Plaza these days? My mom is afraid to shop there anymore. That could be because we witnessed a fight there once, and another time there was a shooting…but that was many years ago.
Hmmmm, San Fernando Valley? Isn’t that the capital of the US porn industry?
Also, Alfonso Ribeiro is the man, cuz he gave all short Dominican guys who can’t play baseball hope that we could also get hot girls.
Yes and yes.
I’m glad I came by to check out your blog.
*bookmarking*