Thursday, August 23rd, 2007...10:17 am

I may not hate the New York Yankees but Jesus still does

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I came upon a disturbing realization recently: I may not hate the Yankees as much as I thought I did.

The Brazilian soccer team? Definitely. Boca Juniors? Of course. ? Yup.

But the Yankees? I’m not so sure anymore.

My friend HAL brought up this nugget of revelation over a few Miller High Lifes at Bedrock the other night. While watching SportsCenter, I was blasting the Yankees for being so Yankeeish when he said:

“You don’t really hate the Yankees.”

“Yes, I do,” I said, stunned at the mere mention of such an unsettling theory.

“No, you don’t,” he continued, “you only think you do.”

HAL went on to explain that a sports fan can only hate –- really loathe -– one team per sport. Having never heard such conjecture, I pressed him to explain.

“You’re a Dodgers fan. You love that team, right?”

“Right.”

“How do you feel about the Giants?”

“Ugh. I wish they went 0-162 every year.”

“Exactly. There is no situation in which you would ever pull for the Giants. But the Yankees, you could.”

HAL was right. In the 2005 playoffs when the Yankees played the Angels, I actually pulled for New York because I was so disgusted by the Angels’ attempt to supplant themselves into Los Angeles with a stupid name change. And when the Yankees and Dodgers both made the playoffs last year, HAL and I agreed to root for each other’s teams so they could meet in the World Series.

But the
Giants
are a
different story.
But the Giants are a different story. I still get upset when I think about Bobby Thompson’s Shot Heard ‘Round the World, even though it happened 26 years before I was even born. Their orange-and-black color combination reminds me of puke. I don’t even like the Yomiuri Giants of the Japanese Central League because of their influential American counterpart.

With one sentence by HAL, my sports world was turned upside down. I had always known myself to despise the Yankees. As sure as there are 108 double-stitches in a baseball, as sure as Gibson would make a great name for my firstborn, I had been sure the Yankees were in my personal column of “Things I Wish Would Die”.

I started thinking about my other sports allegiances to see if HAL’s theory held up.

Soccer? I hate Brazil, that’s not news. And while I say that I hate England, I kind of admire their level of play. And I respect Germany’s talent though last year’s World Cup loss to them still stings.

College? As a UCLA fan, there is only one school that epitomizes evil to me: USC. I don’t care for Duke or most Big-10 schools, but USC stands alone.

Football? As a Redskins fan, I hate the Cowboys but I only mildly dislike the Eagles and Giants. I’m kind of a fan, actually, of McNabb.

So maybe HAL is right. Maybe you can only truly hate one team per sport. Maybe the Yankees aren’t so evil. Does this make me a bad Dodgers fan? Will never marry me now? Does it make my pleasure at seeing the Red Sox beat the Bronx Bombers any less enjoyable? Probably not.

But I definitely still hate Jeter.

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33 Comments

  • Ok it’s obvious that you’re a Dodgers fan…or rather not a New Englander (INPY is an anomoly) or a Sox fan b/c EVERYONE knows you root for the Sox…and whoever is playing the Skankees.

    True story: a few years back I was working at weekend-job-store. This guy comes in wearing a Sox hat and we’d played a good game the night before but (yes as usual) messed up for 1st place or something (I forget which). So I mention the game to him and he says “yeah, I was gonna root for the Yankees against (team I can’t recall) b/c you know, they’re the Northeast team”….He damn near got his eyes scratched out and that hat snatched off his head, fan-come-lately. Moral is, you never EVER root for the Skanks.

    I really expected more from you AJTino….:)

    But see, that’s the point. YOU are a Sox fan and you almost killed a man. I LIKE the Sox and will cheer for them but I won’t kill someone for proclaiming love for the Yankees. But someone liking the Giants gives me that feeling.

  • How can you really hate a team that is baseball history? I think most people just loathe the idea of the Yankees — they’re pretty and popular and win all the time. If you ignore the 1980s.

    Maybe. I’m sure an anthropologist could make a more persuasive argument than Sox fans.

  • (Stands up and applauds)

    Thank you for pointing this out…and really, the “Yankees Suck” thing? Most people that hate the Yankees can’t even tell you why (coughpinkSoxhatwearingschmuckscough) they think the Yankees suck.

    BTW;

    Yanks; 71-56
    Dodgers; 65-61

    Down the stretch we come…

    Two months ago it seemed like a lock. I am actually scared now.

  • i can give a long list of why the yankees suck while wearing my pink sox hat.

    Do it here (sans hat) instead.

  • swiss miss sez eat me
    August 23rd, 2007 at 11:25 am

    the giants are a football team. the baseball giants? who the fuck cares. except for the roid boy, they are tied with FC Salt Lake on the sports importance rankings. stick to your guns, son. yankees have, currently and forever more will suck more than any group of professionals (athletes, doctors, cpas, janitors, whatever) in the history of the planet.

    Is this GoPats commenting from Switzerland or wherever you are on your European vacation?

  • I was worried about that first part until I realized I don’t believe in Jesus.

    But I digress.

    Actually, several Dodgers fans I know hate the Yankees but they’re all in their 80’s and living in Brooklyn.

    But thanks for not hating us so much, Arj. God, I haven’t used those words since I was in Europe.

    That’s the ironic bit. If I don’t believe in Jesus and he hates the Yankees, does that mean I can’t hate the Yankees or I don’t believe in hating the Yankees? These philosophical discussions make me sleepy.

  • I already appointment myself your Jeter-picture-chooser. I am image searching all over the place.

    Here’s a good one.

    I knew you’d be all over it.

  • “appointment myself”

    who needs practice commenting?

    Who needs practice reading? I skimmed right over that and didn’t notice.

  • MJ;

    Please do. And wear the pink hat…it’ll be sooo much more entertaining that way.

    ;)

    See you next week for the games in NYC.

  • Being a Duke fan I can relate to this post. The only people that I even consider really haters are our ONLY rivals UNC fans, every one else is just riding the hate wagon just cause.

    Only UNC fans can really hate, only UNC

    Yeah, every time I hear how Maryland hates Duke I think, “I don’t think Duke even cares about Maryland.”

  • Shame on you Arjewtino!!! Come on…a bunch of grown men wearing pinstriped uniforms and that’s just one reason to HATE ‘em. How much Facist can the Yankees be without being Germans?! Don’t apologize to Sox fans apologize to yourself for being duped. Now I gotta take a shower after reading this dirty filthy stuff.

    I’m not saying I LIKE the Yankees, just that I don’t hate them. Easy, tiger.

  • you know who I be.

  • I’m sticking with the recent Onion headline:
    “Fucking Yankees, Reports Nation”

    Sincerely,
    A Couldn’t Be More Proud Today Orioles Fan

    Last night was barbaric for you. If I had known that you were an O’s fan I would have made fun of you more. Or at least not picked up your tab.

  • Don’t worry, I’ll never root for Argentina… no matter who is playing them.

    Once again, you’ve assuaged my concerns.

  • You know, all the vitriol towards the Yankees actually makes me like them more. When you grow up a fan of the team you learn to love arguing about it and if no one hated them who would could I argue with to prove I know more about baseball than them. Please, hate on.

    That’s where you’re mistaken. Loving a team does not make you an expert in the sport. I’d say Yankee fans are some of the most ignorant baseball fans there are.

    Not my Yankee friends, mind you.

  • Hating the Yankees is as easy as hating the Republican party.
    1) Both dominated by old, wealthy white guys that just don’t know when to retire.
    2) They both support “God Bless America”. In fact, I heard Cheney sings it in the shower.
    3) When challenged about the present, they always bring up past success…no matter how irrelevant it may be.
    4) They only support Cubans when they view them as beneficial…where is Jose Contreras now? And Castro hasn’t been assassinated even though he was (not really is anymore due to his health) such a big threat to democracy.

    I could go on about this, but it’s a busy day here. I will let someone else take the torch, if they desire.

    Lastly, I would like to point out (again, INPY) that the Sox still have the best record in baseball and are tied for the biggest division lead.

    You could say the same about any team in baseball regarding numbers 1 and 2. Three, though, is a good one.

  • See how good I am at following demands?

    http://www.usatoday.com/sports/baseball/al/redsox/2007-08-22-Roadattendance_N.htm

    Seems ironic that this would be declared (by my paper) the bandwagon the day you write this post.

    Not ironic. Coincidental.

    Now go make me a sandwich.

  • One thing’s for sure, Jeter is a chump.

  • I still hate the Yankees always will… especially Derek “The Most Overrated Player in Baseball” Jeter. If I could pick one team to hate in all of Major League Baseball all the time it would be the Yankees, and I don’t even root for a team in their division. (Go Seattle!) Although, there those idiot Bronx Bombers are, 1.5 games back, trying to steal our magical season, and the wild card away.

    Reason #1 to Hate NY: Derek Jeter
    Reason #2 to Hate NY: Giambi’s $23 million
    Reason #3 to Hate NY: $190 million payroll (almost DOUBLE #6 Seattle’s)

  • Oh, Mike, I knew you’d come around!

    (and maybe now I’ll stop calling you Mike)

  • “Yeah, every time I hear how Maryland hates Duke I think, “I don’t think Duke even cares about Maryland.””

    Now you’ve gone too far, Arj. Thems fightin’ words. I’ve even broken my stop-commenting-so-I’m-not-in-the-top-3 commenters to tell you to zip it.

    Why wouldn’t you want to be in the Top 3?

  • I hate the Yankees. Every time I see an Australian wearning a Yankees cap I ask them if they know what the hell they are wearing and to take it off before they humiliate themselves further. Yes, it’s true.

  • schvitzerdeutsch
    August 24th, 2007 at 5:49 am

    problem here argy is that you base your theory on the bullshit assumption that human beings have a limited capacity to hate. that’s just not true. I hate creed and the smashing pumpkins, for example.

  • I was raised to hate the Yankees. My father was born and raised in Cleveland, and it’s just something in his blood. I always root against the Yankees…always. Funny thing is, I don’t love baseball. I can watch it, but it’s not a sport I’m passionate about. But, I don’t think I could ever date a guy that really liked the Yankees. My father would kill me!

  • What a bunch of Haters….

    My only comment is that there are indeed a ton of ignorant Yankees fans. However, I think that’s true of any major market team. The average Brewers fan probably knows more baseball than the average Yankees/Sox/Dodgers.

    I’m also willing to bet you that there are more Dodgers fans who don’t know that they came from NY than there are Yankees fans who don’t know who Whitey Ford is…

    Just sayin’.

  • Woo…Sox!!

  • i always route for a winner. bandwagon stan. makes life easier.

  • I grew up near Boston. I am a Sox fan. Hell, my sister even has a little membership card to Red Sox Nation, or whatever it’s called.

    But in the past year or so, after some thoughtful insight (and maybe some gentle prodding) from a friend of mine, I’ve realized that I don’t really HATE the Yankees. I just REALLY LIKE the Red Sox.

    What I hate? Is that every year we’re always off and running, and kicking ass, and then we blow it in the end anyway. THAT’S what I hate.

    The Yankees (gulp) are actually an ok team. Never thought I’d say that. I’m even feeling a little clammy typing it out. But it’s true. I ain’t no (Yankee) hater.

  • As long as you’re cool with a little Sasquatch up in your lady’s hotness, I say keep the Samantha Micelli fantasy alive…

    http://www.hollywoodtuna.com/photo.php?id=milano_peta_big&title=Alyssa%20Milano%20Hairy%20Arms%20Picture

  • Yeah, we were pissed about the angel name change, and we live five minutes from angel stadium. serious! los angeles angels of anaheim. PSHHHHAW.

  • I hate Sunderland. And Liverpool, even though they will win it all this season.

  • No one actually hates the Yankees, they’re jealous of the Yankees. There’s a difference.

  • Yankees = the Devil.

    That’s all there is to it. Even if you don’t really care about baseball, they’re all douchebags that consider themselves the hottest shit in the world. They’re just too arrogant.

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