Thursday, December 6th, 2007...10:22 am
I learned several new words today
I was surfing a series of tubes last night and came across something called the Urban Dictionary. Has anyone ever heard of this? It’s incredible. It’s a virtual dictionary of, get this, slang words. I know, right? Million dollar idea. Kind of like the guy who created this:
Anyway, I came across a whole bevy of new slang words and terms I had never heard before, like “hobosexual” and “Gary Coleman dolls”. But some words were so old I wondered how they could only now have made it into the UD, like “sike” and “dine and dash”. These aren’t new slang terms. They’ve been around since the 80s. I should know since my friend Scotty and I once dined and dashed at our local Denny’s.
We didn’t do it because we were short on money. We didn’t do it because we thought the waiter was a prick. We did it because neither of us had ever done it before and we thought it should be one of those things teenagers do. This was before I became a waiter myself and knew we had to pay out of our own pockets for any checks people skipped out on.
We hatched a plan. Scotty would leave first and go get the car and drive it up near the front door. I would wait two minutes, then casually stroll out the door. I waited those 120 seconds scared I would get caught and go to Denny’s jail, which is probably a place where you have to serve French Slams all night to ungrateful customers like us. (Yes, I used to eat the French Slam all the time.)
I then got up, made for the door, and told myself if I were stopped, I would act indignant and claim unfair oppression, kind of like the time a 7-11 manager accused me of shoplifting a bag of chips. Man, that pissed me off. It was a Twix bar.
I made for the door and as I walked outside, I heard, or thought I heard, a noise. It could have been anything. But to me, it might as well have been the po po. I panicked and ran for the Scotty’s Corvette. Scotty panicked as well and hit the accelerator. I yelled at him, “Open the door, asshole” and the passenger-side door swung open with the car still in motion.
I Dukes of Hazzarded into the car and we took off. He asked me why I ran and I asked him why he started to drive. We laughed and bonded over acting like pussies. I still feel guilty about screwing the poor waiter out of $15 or so, but I’m sure it didn’t bankrupt him.
In any case, dining and dashing is too old a term to be in the UD. Still, the web site does have a lot of other words and terms I haven’t heard of. Since it’s only a matter before these words hit the mainstream, I decided to memorize as many as possible and get a head start on being hip and cool. Like I need it.
The first word I came across was “manther”. This is the male equivalent of a “cougar”. This word was added a week ago and is defined as:
“Single, usually divorced, and at a minimum 10 years older than a cougar.”
I don’t think this word will catch on because there are already words for manthers. They’re “dirty old men”, “Peter Pan complex cases”, and “male bloggers”. Besides, a manther sounds more like some half-man/half-panther genetic freak you’d find in He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Wait, that might have been Panthor.
A cougar, though, is not a lazy portmanteau but rather a real animal. And a real person: an older woman who goes after younger men. I dated a cougar once. I was 29 and she bought me a beer at a bar while I was playing pool with Baby Bien and my dad.
I don’t remember her exact age, but it was definitely older than 35 and younger than 40. I remember, more than her age, the fact that she had a kid. A son. Whose photo she showed me that night. It didn’t bother me, really. Probably because she was hot and she bought me a beer at a bar. I’m pretty easy when you buy me a beer at a bar. That’s how Foxymoron got me to participate in Movember.
Some people look down on cougars, though, or say unilaterally they would never date one. Why? I have no idea. One of the most attractive women at my last job was this older woman in her 50s I used to see during smoke breaks.
And recently I learned that Jennifer Tilly is 49 years old. Look at her. Does this woman look like a woman nearly half a century old? Hell, I hope I look this good when I’m 49 and I’m a guy.
In the end, though, I think the age difference would have been an issue since I wouldn’t be able to relate to watching the moon landing and she wouldn’t understand what it means to be “rolling deep”.
Hey, that should be an Urban Dictionary word!
15 Comments
December 6th, 2007 at 11:17 am
sometimes the UD is the only way my seppo mates can understand me. especially after a spell in the boozer, a few too many stubbies while taking in a rabitoh match on satellite.
you lot are hard enough to understand sober…you “merkans” as you like to say. Where you from mate?
Merka!
Holy Jesus on a spigot, that’s like reading Ian McEwan. Unfortunately, my work blocks UD so I won’t be able to translate that until I get home tonight.
December 6th, 2007 at 11:45 am
When I got out of school, I targeted cougars to learn the ropes…. now I spend most of my days on IM trying to find a dateline setup just so I can get on tv and act a fool.
VK: No sir, I didn’t bring any condoms, well I am wearing one but that’s nothing new
That Dateline episode is sure to be aired any day now. They definitely don’t target enough black guys who love midget porn and that’s pretty much their prime viewing demographic.
December 6th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Do you consider it at all a reflection of the inherent sexism of our culture that “cougar” is a term ingrained in daily discourse whereas “manther” or whatever it is isn’t? The fact that there’s specifically a term that calls women of a certain age out for dating younger guys more so than there is for older men who date young chicks bothers me.
Whoa, that’s way above my intelligence level. I just think cougars are…how do the academic Poindexters put it…oh yeah, neat.
December 6th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
okay, she must have found the fountain of youth or something. she didn’t even look that good in liar, liar and that was at least 10 years ago. I just spent 10 minutes on Google trying to prove that she didn’t always look this good, but instead I’m convinced that she got a better make up artist, stylist, and hair person or something. But damn.
That is precisely what my reaction was like. I never found her particularly appealing but she looks better now than ever.
Almost makes me want to rent Liar Liar.
December 6th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
well, as you know, the problem is most 49yo women don’t look anywhere near as good as j. tilly.
a trip to the mall to take in the scenery of all the mother-daughter pairings should convince anyone of that.
Which mall? The ones in Buenos Aires are jam-packed with attractive older women and their kids.
December 6th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I would not date a cougar because it would likely try to eat my entrails.
There’s also that.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I think one of the best Aussie-isms, which happened to be on the front page of the UD today. Chuck a sickie…
As in - I don’t feel like going to work today, I think I’ll chuck a sickie…
I saw that, too, didn’t think it was real.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It’s not going to happen!
It’s not going to happen, CBP.
December 6th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
I wonder if there’s Australian slang in there (because we all know Aussies have the best slang on earth) such as:
- Banana bender: Someone from Queensland (like myself, is not a euphamism).
- Beyond the black stump: A long way away.
- Crack a fat: (I’ll let you look that one up yourself.)
December 6th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Hey Pretty beat me to it! I was going to comment on the whole cougar thing. I happen to look younger than I am (thanks, mom! ;)) and as such, happen to sometimes attract younger men. I’ve had 3 boyfriends who were younger. All my tías told me I was a “cradle robber” and “getting frisky” with “innocent ones”. NOBODY tells that to a guy. Macho crazy world!
Oh, and if you want to laugh, I’ll email you the Argentinian-Mexican slang dictionary I found online.
December 6th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
‘manther’ is too reminiscent of ‘manimal’… and yet the latter seems to fit the definition better.
i was looking at urban dictionary two weeks ago and giggled at premature evacuation and tfsu.
you used ‘portmanteau’ so well it made me swoon.
December 7th, 2007 at 3:41 am
1. People who drive Corvettes (or ride in them) have no business stiffing waiters.
2. Not only does “manther” sound stupid, but it’s also completely redundant. Not to mention redundant.
3. “Hell, I hope I look this good when I’m 49 and I’m a guy.” — We look forward to hearing about your gender reassignment surgery. Then again, it would never work… how could you stop playing with your boobs?
December 7th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Dating a coupgar does have its advantages. She can tell you about the JFK assasination, how cool the hula hoop is and calls you skippy.
I know, I’m in the process of this now..
December 8th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Hurray for the knife. Surgery has made me look just like her and I’m 54. (It’s hard to keep your neck looking good though)
December 8th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I taught you a new word at happy hour yesterday:
Blirish - The black guy in the Irish pub who actually wears an article of clothing with a shamrock on it in honor of the occasion
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