Sep
19
I don’t know, how do you tell your mom you want sex?
Filed Under (The Internets) by Arjewtino on 19-09-2007

search.JPG

I care about my blog readers. I care about what they think, how they want to be entertained, and what embarrassing incidents in my life I can write about to make them feel better about their own lives.

I even care about their search queries:

  • “A Christian boy wants to date a Jewish girl, where can he find one?”
  • “Did Flock of Seagulls become millionaires?”
  • “How to tell your mom you want sex?”

Many pro bloggers will tell you that knowing your audience is vital to the success of your blog. But judging from some of the bizarre searches some of my readers conducted to find this blog, I sometimes think the less I know, the better.

For example, these guys might want to get together to devise the best mom-banging strategy, with or without their friends’ participation:

i wanna bang your mom
i want to bang my friends mom
i want to bang you and your mother
hot mom around 38 having sex
young kid bangs hot mom

These searchers need advice on dating Jews or attending universities with a high proportion of Jewish people:

how to date jewish girls
is it ok for jewish people to date outside their religion?
my boyfriends mom doesn’t approve of me because i’m not jewish
do jewish guys like non jewish girls
shiksa looking for a jewish man
jappy colleges

These inept Internet users are just plain horny:

girl naked in sprinklers
seeing boobs of neighbour secretly
men in their wet underwear porn

Some Web lurkers want international guidance:

argentines people advice
backpack alone guatemala
brazilian fucking on river

These confused people thought these two DC bloggers were well-endowed or Jewish:

hung
roosh hashanah

And maybe these searchers just wanted some information on:

…how to eat for free…

steal from target

…whether was animated…

alyssa milano cartoon character

…or a very specific physical ailment…

what do it mean when u have tickle in my throat to make me cough when you not sick?

I hope Arjewtino.com helped these Web users. If not, then at least they entertained you.

This post was inspired by Magic Jewball’s monthly Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions posts.

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Comments

Becca on 19 September, 2007 at 10:29 am #

I never wondered about A Flock of Seagulls becoming millionaires… until today. And now I can’t stop thinking about it.

BTW, “girls naked in sprinklers” is a line that was cut from Sound of Music’s “These are a few of my favorite things” song. It’s a little known fact.


on 19 September, 2007 at 3:10 pm #

my top search for awhile was “free korean massage”

i love that.


on 19 September, 2007 at 4:26 pm #

I’m dying laughing at these. I searched mine for the first time recently, and it’s some of the best unintentional free comedy out there. Great entry!


on 19 September, 2007 at 7:54 pm #

Jajajaja!! Madre mía! That last line was just too much!

Who knew you’d be the source of so much wisdom for the world, Arjewtino?


Mr Blifil on 19 September, 2007 at 9:53 pm #

You know a naked girl in a sprinkler will lead to fucking on a river in Brazil EVERY time.


on 20 September, 2007 at 3:39 am #

Ok, I got a real question for you guru to the jew: I’m a goy boy and I’m dating a jew broad. Anything I should watch out for?


startingtoday on 20 September, 2007 at 9:23 am #

Well aren’t YOU all cool for being in the Express this morning. Again.


on 20 September, 2007 at 12:14 pm #

well, *did* flock of seagulls become millionaires?

i save the funniest/dumbest search queries i find for just this reason. except now when i post mine, it’ll look like i’m copying. you bastard.


the princess on 20 September, 2007 at 3:22 pm #

“what do it mean when u have tickle in my throat to make me cough when you not sick?”

That sounds like the way my students speak.


P on 20 September, 2007 at 4:05 pm #

How do you see what people have searched to find your site?

Google Analytics.


on 21 September, 2007 at 12:49 am #

My favourite ever search for my blog? “My life in an insane asylum”


Platypus on 21 September, 2007 at 9:22 am #

i stumbled upon this site looking for “fried ass eggs” and have been here ever since.


Metro Section: You Can Never Quarantine The Past | Political Debate Zone on 21 September, 2007 at 10:38 am #

[…] “Girl naked in sprinklers” versus “Brazilian fucking on river.” [Arjewtino] […]


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