Oct
09
Chess Boxing: Exactly what it sounds like
Filed Under (Uncategorized) by Arjewtino on 09-10-2007

As many of you and Wonkette’s readers now know, I have never been in a fistfight. If I ever was in one, though, I’d like to think it wouldn’t be as lame as Slater’s and Zach Morris’ on “Saved by the Bell” but would be more masculine yet highbrow.

Thank Jehova for chess boxing, a hybrid sport that combines the mental skills of chess with the physically taxing activity of beating the crap out of each other.

Chess boxing is split into 11 four-minute rounds of chess and boxing, starting and ending with chess. Competitors can win by knockout or checkmate. The sport, though, is inherently flawed because any semi-talented fighter can breeze through the opening chess round and then cream the living shit out of his opponent in Round 2.

For the visually challenged (you’d such at the chess portion of chess boxing), it looks a little something like this:


Right jab!


Don’t take my pawn!


Here comes my uppercut!


Checkmate, bitch!

The sport is the brainchild of French comic book artist Enki Bilal, who conceived of the sport (I’m guessing as a joke) in his 1992 book Froid-Équateur, completely unaware that it would become a reality 11 years later.

It is governed by the but is most popular in Finland, where boxers/players are best able to balance “pawn structures” and “zwischenzugs” with “bolo punches” and “uppercuts”.

As most things I know very little about, I instantly decided that I would be great at chess boxing. Sure, I’ve never been in a fight, but I did take two boxing classes at my gym a few years ago before a hernia took me out of the ring. And of course I couldn’t beat any of the weekend chess players in Dupont Circle, but I was a reluctant member of the Chess Club in junior high, where I finished 2-2 in a local tournament.

Luckily for me, I still qualify. The WCBA is looking for new chessboxers, especially in the U.S., to compete in “Europe and Russia” soon. The qualifications:

  • Under the age of 35
  • “Some” boxing experience
  • An (estimated) ELO rating of 1800 (expert) in chess

They’re seeking both men and women and you can download a Fighters Form .

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Comments

roissy on 9 October, 2007 at 11:25 am #

finns are infinnitely weird.

i’m guessing after a few rounds in the ring taking shots to the head a player starts using his king to hunt down the opponent’s queen.


on 9 October, 2007 at 11:36 am #

Roissy’s onto something. You’ve got to figure that after enough left hooks, right crosses, and uppercuts, a boxer’s chess playing ability decreases. I’m willing to bet Mike Tyson couldn’t tell you the difference between a pawn and a prawn at this point.

Of course, whether he could do that in the first place is debatable. And so too is whether he actually pronounces the two words differently.


jess on 9 October, 2007 at 12:08 pm #

if the best a song can say about a country is that it’s so close to russia, so far from japan, should we trust their tastes in entertainment?

now if it was chess+mudwrestling chicks, i’d have no problem with it. none.


Heather B. on 9 October, 2007 at 1:08 pm #

Though I’m full of inappropriate comments right now, I’ll keep them to myself to maintain some sense of lady like behavior.

Also apropos of nothing else two things 1) I was in LA over the weekend and thought of you (awww)

2) You buying me a shot next week? (wheee)


Randy Moss eats A-Rod and Shits Jeter on 9 October, 2007 at 2:10 pm #

Since no one is really interested in commenting, how about a Yankees haiku?

Sizemore rounding third
Here’s Damon’s throw to the plate
Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce


on 9 October, 2007 at 2:59 pm #

This his great! If what we are doing is following comic-book ideas, all we need now is someone to implement the idea the Romans had in “Asterix in Switzerland”: If you’re eating fondue and you drop the bread piece, you get whipped. After the third time, you get thrown on a lake.


suicide_blond on 9 October, 2007 at 6:40 pm #

i would so say something… but..it is chess boxing…
i really think that says it all…
xoxo


on 9 October, 2007 at 10:09 pm #

This may just show how much of a nerd I really am. A rating of 1800 is very tough. I thought I was good chess player in high school, and although I never got ranked, I was told that I would probably be in the 1400 range (if I’m remembering this correctly). I can’t see someone like Tyson getting an 1800 in Ms. Pac Man let alone as a chess ranking.

Oh, I’m glad that we’re going to miss a Yankees-Red Sox series this year.


Sam on 11 October, 2007 at 5:39 pm #

While I hesitate to correct so pointless a point, crediting a comic book artist for the idea (?) of a legendary kung fu movie producer seems like it deserves a box behind the ears, or perhaps even a mate-in-5.

See: http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0199813/


Peter on 12 October, 2007 at 2:55 pm #

Under 35? That’s not fair. Evander Holyfield is fighting for a heavyweight boxing title this weekend, a few days before his 45th birthday.


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