I worked billed from home on Monday and decided that telecommuting might be one of the greatest scams ever devised. This was my actual day:
9:31 am: Phone rings. Verizon guy tells me he’ll be here in 20 minutes to fix my Internet connection problems. Decide now is as good as any to get my “work day” started.
9:36 am: Eat bowl of cereal while watching something called The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet.
9:42 am: Turn on computer. Insert thumb drive of work I brought home with me. Decide that Mike from The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet is a closet case.
9:44 am: Stare at work on computer screen.
9:45 am: Look over photos stored on Picasa. Eat second bowl of cereal.
9:50 am: Verizon guy shows up. Show him the piece-of-shit wireless router and watch as he tosses all my littered shoes that are in his way into my closet.
10:01 am: Turn the channel to Rachael Ray. Become hypnotized as she “interviews” Jenna Bush. Hope the Verizon guy doesn’t disapprove of my TV viewing choice.
10:03 am: Unable to turn off Rachael Ray, quip to the Verizon guy, “Man, I hate daytime TV, there’s nothing on.” Feel uncomfortable during the ensuing silence.
10:10 am: Start working on my documents. Edit here, cut-and-paste there. Feel productive.
10:15 am: Take a well-deserved break. Offer Verizon guy a glass of water. Verizon guy declines.
10:30 am: Decide to clean bedroom. Pick up dirty underwear off the floor and toss it into the hamper. Feel productive.
10:37 am: Go back to computer. Verizon guy tells me he needs to go outside and work on some techno-dork mumbo-jumbo.
10:40 am: Go outside to carry empty trash cans off the curb. Watch Verizon guy elevate himself in pneumatic bucket thing from his truck up to the electric lines. Wonder if he’s scared. Decide that I would totally make for a great Verizon guy myself if I knew anything about computers.
11 am — noon: Watch The Price is Right. Make fun of contestant who can’t spin the giant wheel all the way around.
12 pm: Verizon guy is still here. Decide to “shoot the shit” with him. Pretend like I know what he’s talking about when he explains why we couldn’t connect to the Internet.
12:30 pm: Make a sandwich. Wonder why Verizon guy is taking so long. Imagine if I could kill him while he has his back turned to me. Remember funny Seinfeld episodes.
12:33 pm: Verizon guy leaves with our Internet connection working. Do the in my living room. Text The Princess the good news.
12:34 pm: Check e-mail, read a couple of blogs, check sports scores while eating dried peaches.
12:44 pm: Nearly finish entire bag of dried peaches.
1:13 pm: Check work e-mail. Send e-mail to boss so she thinks I’ve been working all day. Decide to take a break.
1:15 pm-2:05 pm: Continue watching Lagaan, a nearly 4-hour Bollywood movie about cricket recommended to me by a co-worker. Decide I would totally kick ass at cricket.
2:05 pm: Completely fail to understand the game of cricket. Turn off DVD player to concentrate on work.
2:33 pm: Wash dishes. Clean bedroom. Consider taking a nap. Decide not to.
3:05 pm: Buckle down and do some work. Realize how hard it is when it’s away from the office.
4:30 pm: Get e-mail from The Princess telling me we’re having dinner with a couple of her friends. Remind her that Heroes is on tonight and will need to be back by 9pm.
5:01 pm: Take shower. Shave. Brush teeth.
5:41 pm: Finish watching Lagaan.
6 pm: Work day is over. Hope my boss doesn’t ask to see how much work I got done.
You weren’t kidding about that shady Mike character.
http://www.mandjshow.com/meet.php?sectionID=2
Also, I find it inspiring that you waste so much time. What’s it like to have free time? And I’m sure you would kick ass at cricket and being a Verizon guy without having any minute understanding of either.
Football and drinks soon?
Once baseball is over, I’ll be able to concentrate fully on football. Right now, it’s just a passing interest.
I am *so* jealous.
You’ve had your own telecommuting days.
[…] brian.w wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHope the Verizon guy doesn’t disapprove of my TV viewing choice. 10:03 am: Unable to turn off Rachael Ray, quip to the Verizon guy, “Man, I hate daytime TV, there’s nothing on.” Feel uncomfortable during the ensuing silence. … […]
I so would love to telecommute… Then again, I’d probably get nothing done either. I’m getting nothing done now, and I’m AT work!!
This is not a common thing, believe me, though I wish it were.
Thanks, Arjewtino. Without that link, I never would have known that Juliet doesn’t know her own age, she wants kids! “Very badly!”, and sniffles over not having a husband.
The power of linkage.
When you say ‘Start working on my documents,’ is that an ‘Average American Male’ type-euphemism since you’re working from home?
You’re as smart as I thought you were, Jess.
im too ocd to work from home…first i have to clean the house…. then do the laundry, then clean out the cupboards, then walk to coffee shop, then do more laundry, then clean the closets… then around 5pm the place is “clean enough for me to concentrate on work stuff” but.. heck..its 5pm.. and im tired…
xoxo
That’s kind of how I felt, except for all the cleaning. I’m more ADD when I work from home.
Yeah, I wouldn’t get anything done either. I’ve done about 45 minutes worth of work and I’ve been here 3 hours already.
I feel bad… sorta.
I can’t even imagine the percentage of lost revenue due to bloggers’ non-work activities.
I could do 85 percent of my job from home. And yet, 9-to-5, day in day out. WAAAACK. Ha.
Also, you would chessbox. I’ll go double or nothing in a match for the outstanding $2.
Sounds good, so long as we start with the chess round.
My entire job could be done from home.
I’m still trying to figure out if I’d be more productive, or less productive.
My reasoning:
More Productive - because I could speed up everything I do and get it all done in like 4 hours instead of 8, knowing that I had the rest of the day to do as I please.
Less Productive - because I don’t feel all professional in my PJs. And I might check my blog a few times. And yours. And everyone else’s.
I think the only way to truly do it is to wake up at a decent time, shower, and dress like you normally would. Lounging around in your PJs, boxers, or naked doesn’t exactly create a work-like environment.
Yeah, this is sort of a “girl” question, but what did you wear to the home office? The not getting dressed part of working from home is what has me dreaming of the day that I am able to telecommute.
Button shirt and slacks, tie optional.
i remember an old price is right episode where a grossly obese woman couldn’t spin the wheel more than two clicks. god i peed myself. i thought for sure with that much mass her forward momentum would’ve sent that thing spinning into orbit.
Everytime I watch someone spin that wheel I hope he or she takes a nose dive.
I’m considering getting a job where my work consists of staying home, watching indie films, reading nerdy books, and making fun of Arjewtino.
It’s called unemployment.
I tried it. Trust me, it sucks. Working 96 hours or whatever it was last week has made you delusional.
I actually think I would do more work from home. I feel like if my boss knew I was working from home he’d expect some sort of tangible evidence that I was actually working. I’d be so paranoid it would be the hardest I’ve ever worked, only it would be in my underwear so it would still be awesome. At work though I only do 12-13 hours of work a week. I feel like I’m stealing sometimes.
If it makes you feel better, you’re not alone. Every single person now reading this from work is effectively “stealing” company time.
I don’t think it helps that I haven’t had a day off since June or July. And that counts the weekend.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels guilt over not really doing anything at work but is still far too distractable to make a change. I will sleep better tonight armed with this knowledge.
Your Perfect Strangers reference made my day.
but hanging around the house all day in pjs is *so* productive! I mean, I dissertate all the time. or something like that. but at least you don’t have to do laundry as often, and when the weather sucks outside (see: Toronto winter) you can choose just not to leave the house. It’s better than ice and snow!
Ha ha. You can’t understand cricket… Then again, who am I to judge? I can’t understand fantasy football.
You forgot to log at what time you masturbated. Don’t try to fool me. I’ve worked from home. I know how this works.
Did the Price is Right episode still have Bob Barker or have the Drew Carey shows started?
My place of business has forbidden me from working at home. Not everyone, but some, including me. The guys they do let work from home come into the office and babble at each other till 8pm anyway. Nevertheless, they work from home too. It’s mighty creepy to fire off an email to their work account on a Sunday evening just to get a response within five minutes.
[…] Arjewtino wrote a fantastic post today on “â��Billing from homeâ�� is the new â��working from homeâ��”Here’s ONLY a quick extract1:15 pm-2:05 pm: Continue watching Lagaan, a nearly 4-hour Bollywood movie about cricket recommended to me by a co-worker. Decide I would totally kick ass at cricket. 2:05 pm: Completely fail to understand the game of cricket. … […]
I can’t tell you how glad I am to know that I’m not the only one who thinks about killing Verizon employees. Just kidding, of course. Sort of.
Don’t the Drew Carey shows start next week?
I only know this because I watched Kid Nation last night. Go ahead, judge away.
Isn’t one of your devoted readers who prefers standing in pee also the person who helped you get the job you currently have?
[…] I feel like such a sucker for actually doing more work at home than at the office. Then again, not having the work/personal line as sharply defined has noticeable […]
I’m totally working from home next week…I’ll put my classroom on speaker phone and teach from the living room. That would be awesome.