Monday, September 24th, 2007...9:51 am
Atoning is always easier when you are Anonymous
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The act of atonement during Yom Kippur can elicit some emotional confessions and pleas for forgiveness.
But with the relative safety of the Internet guaranteeing a modicum of anonymity, many Jews over the weekend took advantage of of the Web — more specifically, Jewcy’s message boards — to confess some pretty sick — and often humorous — sins.
As for me, I spent the weekend atoning for the following:
- Going to Cagey’s surprise birthday party Friday night, where I drank beer, ate all the food, and played Super Mario Kart
- Breaking my abridged fast Saturday night at Fogo de Chao, where our waiter flirted with The Princess while I gorged myself on Brazilian beef and, yes, pork
- Discussing celebrity gossip with HAL and J-Vo
- Driving past the Holocaust Museum after watching from Gravelly Point the planes land at National Airport and thinking about oral sex
Here are the results from Friday’s poll deciding whether fasting during Ramadan or Yom Kippur is harder (results are as of this morning). Either 87% of you are wrong or I’m just ridiculously stubborn:
There is no close date on the poll, so you can still vote here.
19 Comments
September 24th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Well, there is something arousing about watching planes slowly descend from above, touching ever so lightly down upon the long runway…
Huh. You really can make anything sound dirty when you word it correctly. I’d like to atone for not feeling guilty about it.
No, YOU can really make anything sound dirty. Wait, so can I.
September 24th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Slightly peed? How do you “slightly” pee in something?? So not kosher. Heh.
I kind of appreciate the defiance of the fart guy: specifically not an atonement, more of an announcement. Loud and proud, as it were.
You can definitely slightly pee, WiB, like that feeling you get after taking a piss and you still have to go so you just let out a slight amount?
September 24th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Your Redskins need to atone for the second half. Go Pats!
I do not want to talk about that game.
September 24th, 2007 at 10:56 am
Fogo de Chao rocks! I posted about an eating contest I had there recently. Unlimited filet mignon wrapped in bacon and other types of beefy goodness: how can you go wrong?
I had warned The Princess to bring a wheelbarrow to carry me out. I might have needed it if I had fully succumbed to her taunts of, “Be a man! Eat more, you wimp!”
September 24th, 2007 at 11:44 am
great.. i was gonna try to get some work done…but now all i can think of is oral sex and brazilian meat…
xoxo
You’re welcome…
September 24th, 2007 at 11:45 am
The trick of Fogo do Chao is to not touch the salad bar or anything else. Just eat meat.
I was so hungry I went for the salad bar and instantly regretted it when the meat waiters came by. I only ate half of the salad bar plate and then dedicated my focus on the beef, pork, and chicken.
September 24th, 2007 at 11:47 am
i atone for having double entendre thoughts when i leave comments on your posts.
No need to ask for forgiveness there, Jess.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Question that needs answering: How did the applesauce feel?
I guess a lot of it has to do with whether it was room temperature or chilled. There’s no secret that applesauce is better when it’s chilled, but when’s the last time anyone stuck their anything in something and went “oh man, it was so cold, it was awesome!”
You are the Socrates of the blogosphere.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
it’s the Jewish post secret!
and please don’t ever talk about the nuances of slightly peeing.
That would make a great name for a blog: The Nuances of Slightly Peeing.
September 24th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
You, stubborn? Huh, I would have never guessed…
Wow, do I know you. As I wrote that I thought to myself, “Self, I bet The Princess will comment on you being stubborn.”
September 24th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
I pee in the spaghetti sauce at the old age home where I work. I hate myself but I can’t stop.
September 24th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Who didn’t know about the applesauce? Such a sheltered childhood. Mental note to get own coffee from now on . . .
I atoned for being me, may god forgive me, but I am so grateful for my life and all therein.
What to do?
Mental note never to get ANY food from anyone else.
September 24th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I assumed that the second half of the Skins game was my punishment for half-assed-atonement/non-fasting (clearly the Redskins offense was not written into the book of life for this year).
I think all their proud boasting this week put them on Hashem’s shit list.
September 24th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I think I need to atone for not thinking any of these are that bad… Ok, maybe the oral at the Holocaust Museum, but after all that death, don’t you need something to cheer you up?
Good point, except we Jews have been programmed to suffer.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:27 pm
If Jews have been programmed to suffer, then the oral sex at the Holocaust Museum probably wasn’t any good regardless… Do you need to atone for something that’s technically wrong, but you didn’t even enjoy?
Maybe the Socrates of the Blogosphere can answer my philosophical meanderings…
Because then we would suffer from the guilt of feeling sexual pleasure in such a hollowed location.
September 24th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
How is oral sex in the Holocaust Museum any worse than jerking off to recent pictures of the Olsen twins? Because you know there are guys doing that right now as I type this.
You’re probably right, but jerking off to shiksas isn’t as bad in our book.
September 25th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Is it sinful to put your dick in applesauce? Why would anyone need to atone for that?
Not specifically. It’s the shame. That’s just universal.
September 25th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Hollowed or hallowed?
Hallowed. You’re right. I’m wrong.
September 26th, 2007 at 10:46 am
I’m guessing I still haven’t told you about how on two separate occasions, two distinctly different people tried to stop me from eating on Saturday because, and I quote, “YOU can’t eat TODAY!”
One even physically leapt toward me as I put food in my hand to block the consumption. They were actually that upset.
Even us Jewish-looking Gentiles feel the wrath of the Yom Kippur.
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