Thursday, August 9th, 2007...9:16 am
Ask a homophobic Brazilian judge
A soccer-deprived friend recently asked me to help him learn about the most popular sport in the world.
Having been born in the United States of Football, Baseball, and Basketball, he rarely watched “the beautiful game” and never studied its history, strategy, and competitiveness.
I told him I’d take him under my wing. Take him to a soccer bar. Guide him toward some soccer blogs. Explain why “Guatemalan soccer” is an oxymoron.
I’m sure he’ll have a lot of questions. Where was soccer born? (In China, not England.) How often is the World Cup held? (Every four years.) Which is the greatest team in the world? (River Plate.)
But I knew I wouldn’t be able to answer all of my friend’s questions. So I decided to turn to someone who wouldn’t be afraid to spew some verbal vomit. I turned to the homophobic Brazilian judge who just this week ruled that that there’s no place for balls-on-balls action in futbol.
Judge Manoel Maximiliano Junqueira Filho threw out a lawsuit brought by a player against a TV station that intimated that he was gay on the grounds that soccer was for breeders only and so a lawsuit was unnecessary.
Let’s get to the questions:
I have a gay friend who loves soccer and even traveled to Germany last year to watch the U.S. play in the World Cup. Should he travel to Brazil in 2014 where the World Cup is likely to be hosted?
“What is not reasonable is the acceptance of homosexuals in Brazilian soccer because they would harm the uniformity of thinking of the team, the togetherness, the balance, and the ideal.”
How good a soccer player can a homosexual become?
“It’s not that a homosexual can’t play ball. If he wants, than play it. However, form his own team and start another federation.”
So you would be in favor of gay soccer leagues like ? How many games would you attend?
“Jeez, if this fad catches on, soon we will have a quota system, forcing the access of so many of them per team.”
Them? You know, you’re teetering on the edge of sounding like a racist. Do you have a problem with black soccer players, too?
“And don’t say that this opening will be in the same way that it happened when blacks started to be part of the teams. It is a completely different thing. If a black is also a homosexual, he should also avoid being part of heterosexual soccer teams.”
Maybe I shouldn’t be asking you any questions, Judge Bigot. I want my friend to love soccer, not revile it, to enjoy it as much as I have, to…
“Not to mention the uncomfortable feeling of the fan, who wants to go to the stadium, sometimes with his son, and see his beloved team succeeding in the competition, instead of losing oneself in analysis of the behavior of this or that athlete with an obvious personality or existential problem, making it uncomfortable also for the teammates, the coach, the technical commission and the managers of the club.”
Wow, you seem like an equal-opportunity xenophobe, judge. You sure you’re not repressing any deep-seated feelings you’d like to share?
“Each one in their own area, each monkey in their own branch…”
What? Monkeys?
“…each rooster in their own coop…”
Don’t you mean cock?
“…each king in their own deck of cards.”
Now you lost me.
“That is what I think, and because I think like this, in the condition of a judge, I say it!”
Maybe Brazilian judges don’t make the best teachers. I should just take my friend to one of these matches.
15 Comments
August 9th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Man. That guy who writes Quarter Volley is awesome. I so wish I could be him.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:10 am
My dream come true would be attending a match (or watching a game) with you and Jo.
Followed by a naked pillow fight, of course.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Your “friend.” Riiiiiiight.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:32 am
At first, I didn’t understand where this post is coming from, and then I clicked the links you gave at the end. There you go again, pure Arjewtino humour. Hehehe.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Um….I don’t get it.
*Makes hand fly over head*
In other news, that judge is a fucking douche.
August 9th, 2007 at 11:20 am
I didn’t know you formed your own “league”…mazel tov…
August 9th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Because there have never, ever, ever, been any gay soccer players in the history of the world…riiiiiiiiight! Who cares if they’re gay or straight, as long as Argentina wins in 2010!
Thank you, B.C., whoever you are. Finally, someone roots for Argentina and not gay Brazil.
August 9th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Well, he would have said “futebol”, because it’s like that they write it “up” here (I’m from Argentina, but currently living in Brazil).
BTW, Brazil has a lot of great things, it’s just that part of the population that cares about football (because it’s that, not “soccer”), namely the male population, that’s a mess.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Nah, Brazil is a top dog. In 2006, my friend Carrie and I were really pulling for Ghana to overcome Brazil, but they won anyway. Bastards! So then we switched to France for the rest of the tourney, and of course Zidane’s insane head butt in the final match was so f’in crazy (seriously, what the hell was he thinking?) that I still get mad just thinking about it!
August 9th, 2007 at 6:26 pm
They play football in Guatemala?
I guess the Brazilian judge may be the reason Vinny Jones is no longer in football? Oh wait, he’s an actor now that he’s not grabbing the kerbangers and twisting! My bad…
Did your friend seem to want to come into the football light or is he stuck on the dark side of “I-don’t-want-to-watch-any-sport-that-might-end-in-a-scoreless-draw” mode?
August 10th, 2007 at 1:37 am
The Brisbane Strikers are the most awesome team in the world, and the Socceroos the second most awesome. Duh. Everyone knows that.
August 10th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Wait a second.
Gays play sports?
August 10th, 2007 at 9:34 am
first. that judge sounds like a real winner. hasn’t he ever even noticed the homoeroticism between teammates during a victory? jumping all over each other, fiercely embracing! honestly, he’s probably just mad that he never scored a goal, and no one ever jumped his bones afterward.
second. what did you type into the search engine to find that picture?
August 10th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Maybe I shouldn’t be asking you any questions, Judge Bigot. I want my friend to love soccer, not revile it, to enjoy it as much as I have, to…
Don’t you mean “too”?
Now on to the real issue. Even when I was a Christian, growing up and surrounded by Christians I never, ever understood why someone’s sexuality even mattered. It’s not like if you have an Asian friend you’re going to say, “Hi, this is my Asian friend so-and-so.” But for some reason people make a big deal of what gender you have a preference for. I understand why the Bible (Old and New testaments) say that being homosexual should be avoided but that was simply because people weren’t aware of diseases and how to prevent them. It was simply God’s way of helping humanity not completely destroy itself in it’s early stages of development (& no, I don’t believe in evolution completely).
These days we have things like condoms & other safe sex practices so that whole sigmatism with being homosexual shouldn’t even apply anymore. People are just so close- minded & really afraid of what is different from them so they make this deal of something that really isn’t anything at all.
No, I didn’t mean “too”, I meant what I wrote. See, the judge interrupted me mid-sentence.
I don’t think this blog post worked, people didn’t get it.
August 10th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
The actual reference in Leviticus that homosexuality is an abomination was simply meant as a rabbinical code and wasn’t intended to be applied to the entire populus.
Oh, and Jesus never, ever came out and referenced homosexuality directly or indirectly, positively or negatively. He did, however, express the need for love and understanding in a world filled with hate.
It was the beloved Paul, angry bastard that he was, that continued to rail on gays in the New Testament. A man that Luther placed lot of emphasis on during the Reformation, thus securing his elevation in terms of importance in the centuries to follow.
So, to sum up, gays are incredible people and there is no theological or direct Jesuit (for lack of a better term, trust me, I know what a real Jesuit is) basis for hatred and judgement of homosexuals. To be completely transparent about it, Jesus’ teachings focused on quite the opposite.
Or Christians can continue to be hateful, ignorant, and prejudiced and not even understand the basis of their own religion and way of life.
Love, forever and always,
Sisco
Well said, kid.
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