Tuesday, November 13th, 2007...10:42 am
Alcohol, razors, and team strife: A Movember Update
“You’re cheating!”
Since the start of Movember, I had read and re-read the charity event’s five rules of growing a mustache. Rule #4 states:
“There is to be no joining of the handlebars - that’s a goatee.”
No problem there. So why was I getting flak from my teammates?
“It looks too much like your goatee.”
This was true. In the nine days since I decided to enter this event all in the name of raising money to fight ass cancer, I had been growing a trucker, or handlebar, mustache. It initially caused problems with my girlfriend, who tried to remind me that, no, I do not, in fact, drive a big rig.
In my defense, I was clearly not violating the Movember rules and it looked much better than I thought it would. Still, when my Movember team — the Committee for the Restoration of Trebek’s Upper Lip Hair – met last Friday night, they were adamant.
INPY’s effort, though clearly the winner so far for fullest ‘stache, reminded me of an insurance salesman. Nickels and Foxymoron were cursed by light, blondish facial hair that hid their otherwise obvious forays. Shiftless Badger was growing quite the great 70s-gay porn mustache, and Rory’s lackluster effort prompted me to ask him repeatedly if he knew he was supposed to actually be growing one this month.
“You have to shave,” they said, badgering me over lots of beer and wine at Rory’s place.
I realized that though I was technically staying within bounds of Movember’s proscribed regulations, the goodwill of my team was more important. So I borrowed Rory’s Gillette Mach 3 and dragged its triple-blade action system over the sides of my mouth.
“Much better,” my teammates said afterwards. We polished off another bottle of wine and several six-packs of beer, one of which I bought at a liquor store from a beer wench who showed me a photo of her “Free Mustache Rides” t-shirt on her cell phone.
Even done in the name of fighting ass cancer, Movember has been a bewildering event, much like a vegetarian finding herself at Fogo de Chao or a Guatemalan rooting for a winning soccer team. Having a mustache opens you up to inquisitive looks and openly personal questions, all revolving around the same theme: “What in the name of Yahweh are you doing?”
Still, it has not been as embarrassing as I had expected. People at work seem indifferent to my mustache and people on the street don’t look at me any more or less than normal.
As a team, we passed our fundraising goal on the FIRST DAY of Movember, making the Top 20 Money Raisin’ Teams in the U.S.:
We have since revised our target figure, one which we continue to inch toward thanks to the generous donations of family, friends, and readers. You guys have been more than great, in fact, as evidenced by my friend Ladder 49, who showed her support for my ’stache by growing one of her own (not bad for two-days’ growth):
We still need your help in raising money, though. You can click HERE to donate.
We are also hosting the official DC Mo Town Party (fondly nicknamed Alcohol and Razors), which will be held at the end of the month at INPY’s house followed by a field trip to . We’re discussing giving away some prizes and anyone who donates at least $10 will have an open bar (at INPY’s). The top donor also gets the dubious honor of shaving a Mo Bro’s month-long mustache.
I’ll continue to update as our mustaches fill in and scare off little children.
25 Comments
November 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am
INPY looks like Norm Peterson from “Cheers in that photo!
* Savoring my sweet revenge for the Member’s Only jacket joke! *
You should only hope that’s what you get. Remember, he was a boxer.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:02 am
I first thought, wow, that blogger friend of yours is old. but then I went down to the first set of pictures….. and he definitely looks *way* different. I’m sure this just earned me an enemy, but I think I’m safe up here across the border.
that’s so awesome you made the top 20 money raising teams. are you still that high?
Which friend are you talking about? Sorry, it’s still before 11am and my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.
We’re no longer in the Top 20 Teams but we’re still doing really well.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:06 am
but really…. why are the Aussies kicking every other country’s ass in raising money? Granted, their dollar is worth way less than the other currencies (even the lowly US $… ha!) but seriously. are there really that many aussies capable of growing a ’stache?
You’ll have to ask regarding their growing abilities, but because this event was founded in Australia, it makes sense that they and the New Zealanders are leading this money race.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:30 am
Have I mentioned today how much better your ’stache is that INPY’s? Because it is…
That comment got me punched in the face, I believe.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Whoops…better than…
November 13th, 2007 at 11:39 am
If your mustaches serve only to scare off little children the donation is worth it.
Especially children wearing Heelys.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
inpy - insurance salesman, good ol boy sheriff, milton from office space.
most impressive.
some of the other staches would look better penciled in.
Yeah, you know your team has some weak fuzz when MINE is the second-best.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
it appears to be heading in a pornalicious direction…
xoxo
That’s the best portmanteau I have heard in a while.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I forgot about that…Even if he wasn’t a boxer, I’m giving away damn near a foot of height and at least 50 pounds against that guy.
I think I’ll stop talking shit now!
And he’ll just call you a cream puff when you drunkenly punch him in the face.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
will you wear chaps to the party? can i dream?
If you bring them…
November 13th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
it looks like badger is cheating too… that looks like a goatee in this picture.
It looks more goatee-ish in the photo than in real life; must have been the shadows.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
you’re kind of cheating with the soul patch, AJT. however, if you shave the patch and keep growing the mustache to go the way of the gringo, i’ll donate $20. i’m in for $10 b/c of the booze. duh.
The soul patch is not cheating.
Rule #3: “A small complimentary growth under the bottom lip is allowed (aka a tickler).”
I await your donation.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
You lot look like you could grow one decent ’stache between the bunch of ya. Sorry seppo gits - we all know Australians will beat you any day of the week in raising funds, having a currency that is actually worth a shit in the world, and in moustache riding.
As a sidenote, my old lady has been likened to John Travolta in Urban Cowboy in that category. Even if only by me.
G’day!
You are a lucky man, but how does she handle a vibrating egg?
November 13th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Dear Committee For The Restoration Of Trebek’s Upper Lip Hair,
Following your recent update there has been widespread concern and frankly outrage amongst your donors regarding the quality of your Mo-s. I need not remind you that as an organization we demand the highest quality of Mo in our epic struggle against the evil of Ass Cancer.
Already we are nearly halfway into the month of Movember and (with the exception of INPY who has risen admirably to the task at hand) we are faced with a situation where certain members have failed to produce anything resembling a quantifiable Mo. To make matters worse one of your members has attempted a style woefully referred to as a “trucker, or handlebar mustache”. While this may technically fall within the permitted rules of Movember we wish to make it clear that your donors consider this a violation of the spirit of Movember and fully endorse the punitive shaving session forced upon the individual by the other members of the Committee.
In light of these recent developments, I, in my capacity as as a $10 donor, have taken it upon myself to visit the Committee and ensure the required standards are being met. I am hereby informing you that between 16th November and 26th November I shall be proceeding with a full audit of your Committee and its facial practices.
I will be available to discuss with you any concerns you may have on the evening of 17th November. Please note that upon the receipt of free alcohol, drugs and sex I am easily corruptible and open to solicitations of further donations.
Kind Regards,
British Guy
Donors Organization: Committee For The Restoration Of Trebek’s Upper Lip Hair
(London Branch)
It’s a dark day indeed when our team gets lectured by a Brit who calls it the “hokey-cokey” and eats spotted dick.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
She loves a vibrating egg. Especially right after I put two fresh batteries in it…
Good on ya!!
November 13th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Well, if we’re going to get into cultural stereotypes I feel I have to mention the Argentinian habit of cheating:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_of_God_goal,
which apparently extends to growing a mustache for CHARITY.
However, I must painfully concede you guys also have a knack for occasional genius:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goal_of_the_Century
(Interesting wiki fact: “Some months after the match, Argus Press Software released a Commodore 64 and ZX Spectrum game called Peter Shilton’s Handball Maradona!, a goalkeeper simulator taking its name from the infamous event”. Did you ever play this ?!!!)
Uh, NO. But now I must find one on eBay.
November 13th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Pretty weak effort from everyone so far, but it’s only two weeks, so I’ll let it slide.
Especially since you just dropped portmanteau in casual conversation. Easily one of my top five favorite words of all time.
I’m kind of a dick like that.
November 13th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
How are you a dick for being awesomely smart like me?
I think you’ve surrounded yourself with negative reinforcement. Our intelligence and consequental arrogance are in no way detrimental to others around us. By using words like portmanteau, facetious, and disingenuous in casual conversation, we make those around aspire to be as incredible as we so rightly are.
You’re right. Chalk it up to a momentary lapse of reason. I usually revel in my superior brain, it was 10 seconds of “down-ness” (how’s that for an erudite word?) on my part.
November 13th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Our dollar won’t be lower than yours for too long… And besides, a low dollar is great for our economy and encourages more Americans to donate to our Movember efforts!
As for the hair growing capabilities of Australian men, I can’t comment. Not being a man myself and all. Although I do know a few women who could compete with your manliness in the facial hair stakes… Shudder…
That’s just sad. Ladder 49 obviously kicked our collective butts and it only took her two days. Then again, if the women you know could, in fact, beat us, would that really be a good thing?
November 13th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
PS. I think the whole Movember thing was inspired by famous Aussie cricketer Merv Hughes, who had a very manly handlebar mo in the 80s. So manly and legendary, that it’s still remembered today, maybe because Merv still has the ’stache, but that’s another story. Merv didn’t have prostate cancer, but the men of Australia thought it would be good to follow breast cancer month by raising money for nether regions cancer, by growing hair on their face in the manner of manly Merv.
That IS a legendary ’stache!
November 13th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
hilarious. sounds like a good cause. good luck!
November 13th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Am I still winning??
You are technically tied with a friend from Florida but (1) she lives in Florida and (2) she made the donation as part of a couple. So, yeah, you’re still winning. Lucky you.
November 15th, 2007 at 10:52 am
I can’t believe a soul patch isn’t cheating.
Nice job to you, INPY, and Shiftless Badger. You three actually look like you’re trying to grow mo’s. You don’t look really much different than usual (must be the soul patch) INPY? I don’t really see insurance salesman like Roissy said, but maybe sheriff. Actually, maybe a trucker.
November 18th, 2007 at 12:07 am
Dear Ladder 49,
Yikes!
I hope that runner doesn’t match the carpet.
Godspeed,
J.Vo
November 18th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Dear J.Vo,
I wish I knew….I haven’t been able to check if the runner matches the carpet, since I went to Brazil.
Ladder 49
You guys are not subtle.
Leave a Reply