Friday, November 9th, 2007...11:02 am

30 reasons Facebook should call it a night

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vamp-notif.jpg

I am really close to terminating my Facebook account. I opened one up months ago only because some of my co-workers were on it and they said it was “the next MySpace” (like that’s a selling point) and that we could share photos and videos.

Since then, though, it’s been one Vampire Invitation/Superpoke/Status Update after another and, frankly, I’ve been getting sick of it. Hell, I even discovered recently that my former campers have disturbingly grown up when I found their Facebook profiles.

Still, as fas as entertainment value goes, it has its benefits. Like finding this:

This Facebook group, which as of yesterday had 161,711 members, 4,817 photos, and 6,645 Wall posts, has been, as the young kids say, “blowing up”. It features photo after photo of women in their 20s in various undignified poses of drunkenness and overall skankiness.

Among the 30 reasons, the group’s founders advise:

#22. You think you’re in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like the bathroom floor.”

…and…

“#27. One minute you’re strutting your stuff, the next minute you’re rolling on the ground, and you can’t seem to remember the transition.”

Even FoxNews has deigned to report on this important issue, illuminating the world to the fact that, yes, women get drunk and vomit on each other’s shoes. Social networking as absurdism has hit an all-time high (or low, depending on your view of things).

Believe me, I am not looking down at these inebriated girls. I feel a sense of pity for many of them for having their humiliation broadcast in such a Web 2.0-way. Who hasn’t gotten so trashed that jumping off a balcony or peeing off an eight-story roof sound like great ideas?

But Jesus Christ on a cracker, why do they let their friends post their photos?

Still, they’re entertaining as shit. Here are some of my favorite:

30-a1.jpg

30-b.jpg

30-c.jpg

For those Facebookers who, like me, just can’t seem to quit the site, here is a 6-step wikiHow.

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23 Comments

  • Sadly, upon reading the 30 reasons girls should call it a night I realized that I’ve probably done about 25 of the 30. But no one ever took pictures so there’s no proof.

  • Is that a chair/bench in the bathroom? What the hell for? So I can sit and wait/watch while someone else goes? So I can choose to sit and read the paper or drink my coffee if I feel like it?

  • this makes me sound like an old fuddy duddy, but I am glad facebook wasnt around when I was in college. We did some ridiculous things, but at least none of them were broadcast on the web afterward!

  • i 66. Sometimes women’s bathrooms have chairs in them for mommies who have to feed their babies.

    And jo - agreed. Glad no one snapped pictures of me doing my share of the 30 things… i’m safe!

  • this is one reason why i won’t have the internet at my house if i have a daughter.

  • wow.

    my new favorite line: “jesus on a cracker”.

  • Mandy - That doesn’t look like a public restroom. Only one toilet, no evident stalls, and an actual towel on the rack.

  • i66. well ya know… some people like to sit and talk while they.. well i don’t know then. Some people are just odd.

  • I seem to recollect a particular night a year or two ago when a certain blogger got drunk at a party in VA and proceeded to puke over (or was it on) the balcony of the apartment where we all were and then fall asleep on the same balcony. While I would never post them, pics of that fateful night do exist.

    I thank you for your discretion.

  • well dip me in shit and roll me in cracker crumbs, i JUST activated a facebook account and now you’re telling me i should quit it?
    all i wanted was a poke.

  • Thats it IM OUT!

    Roissy started a Facebook account!

    Fuck a duck

  • Ladies the first pic should reinforce why you should never drink while wearing granny panties…. Just saying

  • But you’re my friend. :-(
    And I really wanted to fight your zombie, if you had one. Damn it, get a zombie, or at least a vampire. KassyK has the vampires!

  • VK- i think it reinforces that we should ONLY drink while wearing granny panties.

    this reminds me of a story of a girl who woke up on the steps of a frat house with a spoon in her bum. granny panties woulda helped

  • I just started a facebook account two weeks ago because of peer pressure, but I have yet to really check out what the site has to offer. I just saved a bunch of friends I know from high school, college, and happy hours.

  • The best reason to quit Facebook is I just read that they’re going to start personalizing their advertising, and using all our data to sell us crap.

  • We must make sure to give the title back to porn!!!

    http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1678586,00.html

  • Those bloody vampires invitations! Gah!

    And I agree with Irina. I’d prefer to be caught wearing granny panties than none at all, or have a t-bone showing at the top of my butt.

  • Seriously, bro, I started a group called “I Make Poor Life Decisions.”

    I checked out this group and it just seemed like a bunch of fat high schoolers getting wasted on Mike’s and Zima and making out. I could school these kids on embarrassing shit to do when you’re drunk. Trust me.

  • And I totally agree, I’m getting really, really sick of all of this bullshit about a zombie biting me or some person has rated me in terms of how close of friends we are.

    Fuck that shit. I joined facebook for one reason and one reason only - to prove to the world that I’m amazing and everyone loves me. It seems to have worked so far.

  • I’m glad I’m not the only one sick of Facebook. I like that I’ve run into people I hadn’t heard of in years, but honestly, like Sisco said, friendship ratings and crap like that are tiresome!

  • women get drunk and vomit on each other’s shoes

    I would never vomit on another woman’s shoes. I know far too much about what that shit cost.

  • If you can get past the initial “what the hell kind of lame…” reaction you might experience from a vampire invitation, you will discover that it is also quite an interesting exemplification of a pyramid scheme…

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