While walking around Manhattan last weekend, I noticed a few things about its restaurants. They don’t believe in vowels.
Not believing in vowels is sort of like not believing in air conditioning or unicorns. They exist despite your insane belief system.
But one year after I made countless jokes about a New York City bar called Manhatta, I realized that finding places to eat in the Big Apple is a perpetual exercise in searching for absent vowels, truncated letters, and nonsensical naming conventions.
For example. While walking back to Blue’s apartment in Union Square, we passed a place called Markt. Then we spotted another one called brgr. And though I didn’t see it, there is, apparently, a restaurant called STK.
No vowels? What the hell, New York? Do you realize what would happen if we didn’t showcase the essential a-e-i-o-u’s that make our language so…what’s the word I’m looking for…comprehensible? Scrabble would be impossible to play. LOL and ROTF would no longer be acceptable IMing terms. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!
Much like I refuse to do the Mexican Wave at ballgames or put my hands in the air at a concert just because Green Day told me to put my hands in the air, I refuse to patronize restaurants that don’t follow the basic tenets of language. They might as well be speaking Ubykh.
Wht f my blg psts hd n vwls? Wld thy mk sns?
I didn’t think so.
Oh, no. You’ve probably just set off a round of, “Of COURSE New York is hipper than DC, and we removed our vowels just to prove it!”
{Blank} Hrt Nw Yrk.
Shannon’s last blog post..A Millenial Moratorium
It’s not the first and it won’t be the last.
Vowels are so 2007…
There’s a steakhouse at The Palms in Vegas called n9ne. How do you even pronounce that?
The Maiden Metallurgist’s last blog post..Even More Chicago Stuff
There was a short-lived TV show last year called The N9ne, I think. It was about a bank heist.
Sorry, b$nk heist.
Manhatta at least has that Madhatter swing to it but BRGR? That’s just lazy.
lacochran’s last blog post..To-MAY-to
It is impolite to blog about vowel movements.
I guess I’ll just have to flush it all down the drain.
OMG, check it out:
I like the TRKY or the VGBRGR… LOL!
Founded in 2005, brgr offers made-to-order, beef, turkey and veggie burgers with high-quality, all-natural ingredients.
Ingredients used at brgr are carefully sourced. All burgers are free of steroids, growth hormones and antibiotics; all animals are raised humanely. brgr developed its blend of ground beef, consisting of specially selected cuts of natural beef, after nearly a year of tastings. All ingredients come from purveyors that share brgr’s commitment to the highest quality food.
brgr’s list of toppings doesn’t stop with classics like American cheese, tomatoes and onions. Guests can build their own burger with toppings such as Roquefort, Gruyere, cheddar, bacon, Haas avocado or herb mayonnaise.
We also offer sweet potato fries, onion hay and hand-cut Russet potato fries.
We make milkshakes from high quality milk that contains no hormones, antibiotics or additives. We won the 2007 Best of New York award from New York Magazine for the best milkshake in New York City.
Fck thm, rjwtn.
I-66’s last blog post..Restraint
That’s what you get for spending time in Nw Yrk and Nw Jrs. Isn’t it good to be back in Wshngtn?
Gilahi’s last blog post..It SHOULD Be Funny
Nt rlly. Lv Nw Yrk.
haha, yeah, I thought STK stood for “stick” but I guess that’s “steak” and NYC is supposed to be the portal to the rest of the world. We are dumbing them down!!!
If I get dumbed down any further it’ll be tragic.
Anyone who can casually whip out a Ghostbusters reference in a blog entry is okay in my book. A-OK indeed.
I was wondering if anyone would catch that. Good eye, Josh.
Ma$e doesn’t like consonants. He demands satisfaction.
rs27’s last blog post..It’s People’s Court, We Hold Court In the Street
Fkn hll.
My second word could be hall, hell, hill, holl, or hull. But you’ll never know which one…
Talking Budgie’s last blog post..Protected: Text Messages…
linguistically speaking, it’s not the vowels that we don’t need…is several consonats like ‘c’ ‘x’ ‘j’ and ‘q’. All those leters have other letters that make the same sounds. (ps, I’m a linguistics minor.)
milano miss’s last blog post..I went to a Bat mitzvah when I was a kid
Markt is German for market. and I think Flemish, too (but who actually knows that language?)
You all do realize that in 40 years when we’re all super old and the kids who will grow up learning that “to” and “2″ and “you are” and “u r” are perfectly acceptable, novels will be written without vowels. I also look forward to the 2048 version of the Bbl — I hear Jesus gives sight to the blind via text message.
Marissa’s last blog post..i’m a liar, but for damn good reason
I can’t believe you’re on “hiatus”.
Your so funny! I recall reading that the ancient Hebrew language also didn’t use vowels, so I wouldn’t be so quick to joke if I were you.
Diane Mandy’s last blog post..What I didn’t blog about this week
I realized that as I wrote the blog post that, yeah, ancient Hebrew shunned the vowels, too.
Only difference is, we don’t name our delis YWH.
STK? Oh, steak
Here, where I live, it is Slovak technical control and if you want to go with your car on road, you should have that control, or the police will give you penalty ![]()
I come from a country, where we write just like we speak. We would not write know, but nov and so on (but we have a lots of other complication with y and i, genders and so on), so this is the reason why I think, that those names are a bit more original than stupid. But I fully understand you. Somehow I feel, that such names are making the nation more stupid. It is maybe the same, like when here somebody is writing with me and he ignores y and is writing just i. I always think of such people: man, when do you want to learn to write in your own language? The first guy, who do this, maybe just want to make fun, but others, who copy him and think how cool it is, might forget where y is written.
What’s better: deciphering hipster (hpstr?) New Yorkese-to-English or watching male pigeons unsuccessfully mounting? Be honest.
And I heart-ed the Ghostbusters reference. Someday, you’ll do me proud with another Murray reference and write, “don’t drive angry!”
I actually used that in my softball game on Thursday, telling an amped-up teammate, “Don’t bat angry!”
I don’t think anyone got it.
I’m picturing Arjewtino as a tragic figure, doomed to roam the Earth in search of people who catch his pop culture references.
Shannon’s last blog post..Friday’s Story: She’s Coming Out!
Like Bruce Banner? I can hear the Hulk theme playing as I walk off, alone, trying to find a cure to a problem beyond my control.
Only the long vowels are written as actual letters in Arabic, short vowels and other pronunciation aides are floating vocalization diacritical marks - that are usually not written.
Perhaps it was supposed to be an Arab Bulgur-food (blgr) based restuarant, but the sign came out wrong and they just rolled with it?
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