Do you know where to find Asian women?
If you’re like me and you went to UC Irvine, they found you. That campus was teeming with Asian chicks (and, I guess, some Asian dudes) since there were a lot of Asian people who applied to UCLA and didn’t get in.
They also all drove Honda Civics like they were issued at their high school graduations.
Everyone at UCI dated Asian girls. And by “everyone” I mean “white boys”. Whether you had an Asian fetish or not, it was nearly impossible not to date an Asian girl at some point in your 4 (or 5) years there. My first girlfriend there was Thai and in the entire lifecycle of our relationship, I learned several things about Asian culture:
1. Watching or reading “The Joy Luck Club” is required.
2. Asian students study live in the biology, have to become doctors, and like to complain about how hard organic chemistry is.
3. Never refuse food provided by your Asian girlfriend’s mom, despite how full you might be.
4. Never admit you have an Asian fetish to an Asian girl.
I have met since then many guys who have a legitimate “Asian fetish”. Maybe they’re attracted to their body types. Maybe they enjoyed reading The Blue Lotus (The Adventures of Tintin) when they were young. Or maybe they just like Honda Civics.
My Korean friend Echo Monkey hates guys who have Asian fetishes. “I’m not a thing, I’m a person!”, she often tells me while giggling like a schoolgirl and talking about how much she likes Indian men.
In any case, if someone were to have an Asian fetish but didn’t have the benefit of attending UC Irvine, there’s always my new favorite poker game, Pai Gow.
Blue and I played Pai Gow poker at the Motor City Casino-Hotel while in Detroit this past weekend. Since the Dodgers failed to win both games we saw at Comerica Park, this “luxurious” casino provided the weekend’s most interesting entertainment.
First, let me explain a little something about the Motor City casino. Have you ever been to Vegas? Ever stepped into the crappiest, dirtiest, most soul-sucking casino off the strip?
This one was worse.
You see this photo? This is what the hotel looked like from the outside:
No, that BP gas station was not working and seemed to not have pumped anything since gas was under $3.
Now look at this photo, which I took from Motor City’s own Web site. You see the pretty blond white girls laughing, drinking champagne, and playing the slots? Yeah, this might have been what the casino looked like. If it were somewhere else.
Still, overall, the Motor City casino proved to be a good place to gamble since I won at every game I played. I made about $50 playing blackjack, hit on 27 in my very first spin at roulette, and popped by gambling cherry at Pai Gow poker by winning twice as often as I lost.
Like a UCI freshmen dorm, the Pai Gow table attracts the Asians. Vietnamese, Chinese, Korean, this game ropes in more Asians than a photo opportunity at Disneyland.
“Why do so many Asians play this game?” I asked Blue while I watched him lose hand after hand.
“Look at the name,” he said, “it’s called Pai Gow.”
“So? It’s just the name,” I said. “You don’t see me playing Money Lenders poker, do you?”
I eventually sat down and discovered the game’s appeal. You are dealt seven cards, which you use to make two separate hands. The five-card hand has to be better than the two-card hand and you must beat both of the dealer’s hands to win.
This is not the most common occurrence since you and the dealer are evenly matched, making a “push” the most frequent result.
But the advantage of Pai Gow is that you can play for a much longer time than other betting games and, even if you lose more than you win, you won’t lose too much money. I played only 20 hands in about an hour and a half, winning 6, losing 3, and pushing 11.
Though most of the players were Asian men, many Asian women also played. And they won. In fact, almost everyone I played with won some money except for Blue and two old white guys who muttered obscenities under their breath.
The trick to winning, it seemed, was to either be Asian or a UCI alum.
Blue, not having even an Asian fetish, should have known he would lose.
I think this weekend he’ll be renting The Joy Luck Club.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
The most depressing casino I have ever visited is the one in Cherokee, NC. I spent Christmas Eve there - no booze, and tons of cranky pensioners lashed to their slot machines.
But on the other hand, those cranky pensioners pay for my dad and uncle’s medical care. Woo hoo Indian gambling!
As for the Asian chick fetish, seriously, what is up with that?
Shannon’s last blog post..Death Car for Smoothie: Financial Literacy
Almost as prevalent as flight attendant fetishes.
I love that you included a reference to Tintin in this post!
One of my favorite (racist) books of my childhood.
The Jew in you wants to play Money Lenders Poker, but the Argentine in you doesn’t have the money for it.
I-66’s last blog post..Evite-iquette
The Argentine in me plays poker on high-interest credit and then defaults on the loan when it’s time to pay up.
Pai Gow poker is great after your 3rd shot of jagermeister bought by the guy next to, all the while screaming…PAIIIIIIIIIIII GOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW….asian chicks love that. I know. I’m Indian.
Just sayin’
rs27’s last blog post..I Aint Got No Home, I’m Just a Ramblin’ Around
Jagermeister? Next, you’ll be telling me you got drunk on Goldschlagger on your 21st birthday.
Wait, that was me.
The gentleman in the “email bride” ad looks exactly like all the guys I’ve met who acquired brides this way.
You’ve actually met guys who have bought Asian brides?
I have to ask, who do all the Asian guys marry? i know at least 6 or 7 married couples who are ‘white guy / asian girl’ and zero, zero that are reverse. Of course, i know asian on asian marriages, but not the mysterious white woman asian guy fable… more investigation, please!
I have seen some pairings but not as many as you’d think. It’s enough that when I do see a Asian man/white woman couple, I actually notice the uniqueness.
FLight attendant fetish? Man, that one has to die so I can cash in even more on secretary fetish.
Shannon’s last blog post..Death Car for Smoothie: Financial Literacy
Either way.
Whenever the Asian fetish (or Yellow Fever, as it’s also known) comes up one of my friends always blurts out: “Yeah, dating an Asian woman is the last step before you turn gay.”
I am now going to suggest that these men read (or rent) The Joy Luck Club.
The most depressing casino I’ve ever been to is the Harrah’s on the Mississippi out in St. Louis County. It has all of the sad and tacky of Vegas, and none of the fun.
jordanbaker’s last blog post..The Most Important Meal of the Day: Breakfast Ice Cream
“when looking for horseflies find a horse”
My yellow fever was so bad, it drove me to Korea and Japan where I lived for 6 and half years. I so baldly needed to see blacks, blonds and redheads that I wound up in Europe where I’ve been for the last 17.
Husband No. 5’s good friend (old white guy) married a mail order Asian bride; he was creepy beyond words.
Judy C’s last blog post..Tasers and The Republican National Convention
i’m half korean and my mom once told me that koreans are the “jews of the east” have you ever heard this statement before? i assume it relates to money and negotiating price.
I have never heard this. I am excited to see if it’s a common one among Koreans. I’ll ask my friend Echo Monkey.
“…UC Irvine was teeming with Asian chicks (and, I guess, some Asian dudes) since there were a lot of Asian people who applied to UCLA and didn’t get in.”
That sentence just killed me. So freakin’ true. You know what “UCI” stands for?
(Stop me if you heard this)
University of Chinese Immigrants
University of Customized Integras
Ugly Civic and Integras
Under Construction Indefinitely
(You probably heard better ones)
No, those are pretty much the ones I heard. Under Construction Indefinitely was the first one I heard and was true of my entire time there. Is it still true?