Tuesday, March 11th, 2008...9:10 am
I, too, did something illegal in the Mayflower Hotel
Anyone notice what was plastered all over the news yesterday? No? Take a look at the top 20 Google Trends stories. Anything jump out at you? Notice anything repetitive?
I hardly think anyone should be coming to my blog for breaking news. But for those 43% of readers not visiting from the DC area or the Empire State, New York Gov. and fellow Jew Eliot Spitzer was implicated yesterday for allegedly having sex with a high-class whore at the Mayflower, a historic hotel in the downtown/south Dupont area of Washington, DC.
The hotel has hosted an inauguration ball every year since Calvin Coolidge’s presidency and is said to be the place where FDR penned his famous “We have nothing to fear but fear itself” inaugural address.
The Mayflower is also where I once “illegally” took a piss.
Three years before Gov. Spitzer, a one-time future presidential hopeful now relegated to the bin of sex scandal history, allegedly bedded a prostitute from something called the Emperor’s Club VIP, I went in to the Mayflower while walking back from a night of kickball and drinking.
I entered through the main entrance on Connecticut Ave. and as I sauntered through the lobby, having told my teammate to just “act like you belong” so as not to get noticed, an employee at the front desk asked if he could help me. I said “no” and kept walking. I had, after all, to take a monster piss I would not be able to hold in before getting home.
He came out from behind his desk and asked me if I was a guest in the hotel.
I was wearing my dirty, sweaty kickball jersey, probably doused in spilled beer from playing flip cup, muddy shorts, and cleats.
“I wish!” I replied.
This did not make him happy.
I just need to use the bathroom real quick and I’ll be out of there, I told him. But no. Mr. You Can’t Use Our Hotel Bathrooms Unless You Pay for a Hooker told me I had to leave. Sensing he was serious and that getting arrested in my kickball outfit would not endear me to the denizens of a DC jail at midnight, I took off.
But then I snuck in from the back.
In my defense, I really had to go. I used the lobby bathroom as quickly as possible (not that nice of a facility, surprisingly) and got the hell out of there before Mr. You Can Bang $5,000 Call Girls in Here But Not Use Our Ugly Toilets caught me.
Gov. Spitzer, known in FBI files as Client 9 (an otherwise sweet-ass nickname), will ultimately have to resign for his indiscretion. Fucking (allegedly) a whore the day before Valentine’s while having busted prostitution rings as New York Attorney General is not exactly the best political career move he could have made.
I’m sure his bathroom in Room 871 was nicer (allegedly) than the one I used and he was able to (allegedly) use it legally. But he had to pay thousands of dollars for that right, nit to mention his marriage, career, and reputation.
I merely had to play kickball.
On a side note, I found this unfortunate ad placement on Gawker yesterday. I’m sure it was accidental, but the way he’s eyeing that American Apparel chick can’t be good for Spitzy’s image.
22 Comments
March 11th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Ahh, the late night “oh my god, why didn’t i piss once more before i left the bar” piss somewhere in downtown DC after a night out of drinking after kickball… memories kiddo, memories
btw, you should stop by sometime this season to say hello… we have about 12 new people, so it should be interesting to say the least… also, it probably will be my final go around, so yeah…
I already stopped by to say hi and no one took off her top. Besides, why would I want to meet 12 new people?
March 11th, 2008 at 9:36 am
You and I also celebrated our fake gay wedding there as well. I have the pictures to prove it.
Oh YEAH, I nearly forgot. That means our fake gay second wedding anniversary is coming up in July.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Playing kickball is my worst nightmare. Whenever people ask me to be on their team, I merely ask them if we have ever actually met. Even the lure of beer cannot get me to wear a stupid outfit and get covered in mud.
Lemmonex’s last blog post..Herbivore
What about the lure of staying in Room 871?
March 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am
i think the real question is why is tucker carlson on the top 20 google stories that day?
’cause he got shitcanned.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Not to meet the 12 new people, to hang w/ us “hanger-oner’s for one more season” peeps… plus, it will make Ting’s night… she might give you a special treat
LOL…
A beer?
March 11th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Oh, yeah…for $5550 I would stay in 871…
Lemmonex’s last blog post..Herbivore
You’re just TRYING to get 50 more, huh?
March 11th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Just imagine what the Pilgrims were doing in the Mayflower.
Hey-Oh!
That American Apparel is girl is pretty smoking, can’t blam Spitzer for taking a look see and then offering her money.
rs27’s last blog post..Speed So Fast Felt Like I Was Drunk
I know, right? American Apparel models are some of the prettiest in the discount fashion industry. That’s what I always say.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
I’ve used that bathroom too! I also recommend the john at the Hay Adams.
CPO’s last blog post..In Case You Missed It: Ori Z. Soltes on the Jewish Abstract Expressionists After the Holocaust
Very underwhelming, though. Considering how expensive their hookers are, you’d think they would make them better.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:55 am
My, you are a good screen shooter
I get that a lot.
March 11th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
The hooker’s name was Kristen and I ate the the Mayflower once. somehow I walked out $5000 richer… ummm
I am finally breaking a story on this blog. ’bout friggin’ time.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Check THIS out. The AP’s subliminal reporting has been found out.
And for pictures of the whores on the Emperor’s VIP Club web site, which yesterday went down (zing!) due to high volume, click HERE.
Arjewtino’s last blog post..I, too, did something illegal in the Mayflower Hotel
March 11th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I love that I saw this on Huffinton Post first.
And that I immediately thought you had planted it somehow, like when Gawker TOTALLY posted on how famous you were…
Sad thing is no one got the Gawker thing. They thought it was real. My SnagIt skills are crazy awesome.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
i joined a kickball team. what was i thinking?
client 9 is indeed an awesome nickname. so much so that i will appropriate it for myself. i’m curious what his trick looked like. for 5K she must be inspiring.
roissy’s last blog post..Mandatory Paternity Testing Has Arrived
For 5K she better be Anne Fucking Hathaway.
You did not join a kickball league. Please tell me this is some sort of anthropological experiment.
March 11th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
you just have to get some old official guy from the Japanese Olympic team to grab a pass, throw it around your neck, and then whisk you away to the swanky bathroom.
At least, that’s what happened when I couldn’t sweet-talk the young Italian “security” guy at the entrance of the hotel near the train station in Turin. and after drinking during and after the gold medal game with Canucks, Swedes, and Finns, there was no way I was using a port-o-pottie or paying to use an icky train station bathroom.
Peeing in the bushes or an alley has worked pretty well for me in the past.
Still does.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
That screenshot is amazing. Nice.
B2G’s last blog post..Let me see your digits, girl give me your digits?
March 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
MJ already beat me to the question (by a good 11 hours), but Tucker Carlson? Is he going to be on Dancing With The Stars again?
Sean’s last blog post..Best Man Speech
March 11th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Finding places to pee is every woman’s specialty.
E :)’s last blog post..Hello?
March 11th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
yep, i did. we play down at the mall come april. i’m really hoping my signing was just a very lucid dream that i am confusing with reality.
roissy’s last blog post..Mandatory Paternity Testing Has Arrived
March 12th, 2008 at 2:21 am
cafepress.com already has client #9 gear for sale
connie’s last blog post..Hit points and gold
March 12th, 2008 at 9:16 am
The kickball league is now advertising in the Express. They really have turned into an official dating service for ugly people.
March 12th, 2008 at 9:31 am
I feel like everyone has done something illegal at the Mayflower. I bought alcohol underage like 47 times but spent less than $5,500. So I doubt anyone would care.
Heather B.’s last blog post..The First of Many
March 12th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
OK, I totally thought it looked fake, for the record.
And come on, who really thought you had that much free time? Well…I guess all of us did…
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