Even online, high school reunions are awkward

May

Filed Under (LA, childhood) by on 13-05-2008

Back in March, I received a Facebook friend invitation from someone I used to know in high school (in the San Fernando Valley, CA). We weren’t exactly friends back then but were acquaintances and had some mutual friends, so I accepted.

Her friend request, though, didn’t come with any kind of message or “Hey, how’s it going!” or “Can’t believe how long it’s been!” comment.

So I took the novel approach of messaging her to see how she was doing. I wanted to keep it short since catching up with people on the last decade-and-a-half of your life is as much fun as watching cooking shows.

I noticed that her “network” was in Raleigh, so I wrote the following:

“So give me your 14-year recap. What are you up to? What took you to Raleigh?”

She responded with this:

“First of all, I was born in Raleigh…I came to LA when I was 13 years old, remember?

Everything is good…I am still in LA. Having fun…working, going out, dating, etc. How are you? DC, huh? How long have you been there?

Take care.”

There was so much wrong with this message I couldn’t even begin to deconstruct it in my head. “First of all”? Where was the “second of all”? We were barely friends in high school, how could I be expected to remember she was from North Carolina let alone her family’s continental migration habits?

I e-mailed Blue who, of course, also knew this girl. I copy-and-pasted our exchange. Not exactly the online social networking expert, Blue wrote back:

“This Facebook stuff is weird. How the f–k were you supposed to remember how old she was when she moved to LA or that she was born in Raleigh. You cant even remember that you didn’t get a hit in you first at bat at Dodger camp one month ago.”

Thanks, Blue.

Catching up with friends from high school is a superfluous act of nostalgic regression. You remember certain people for certain reasons (like who you took to prom) but have little to no interest in revisiting these memories (like your prom date getting picked up by her parents at 11pm). If these high school friends were so important to you, you would have stayed in contact with them in the first place.

But using Facebook, say, as opposed to the obnoxiously ubiquitous Classmates.com, is different. You can see how your high school “friends” have aged, what they’re doing, where they’re living, and who they’re hooking up with (if at all). You see people who once fretted about carrying enough AP classes instead holding babies. Or that popular asshole who you hated now “out and proud” and actually liking assholes.

And it makes it easier to skip high school reunions altogether, like an AP reporter wrote about yesterday.

The thing is, I didn’t even want to attend my 10-year high school reunion (back in 2003) even before the advent of Facebook. I just had no desire to see anyone face-to-face again and relive a time that had long passed me by. I’d rather look at them online, from afar, with the safety of an Internet connection acting as a social buffer.

In the past few weeks, I have “friended” a few other high school classmates and even joined my high school group.

Blue, however, isn’t sold:

“I don’t like this Facebook stuff. You two reconnect but have nothing to say to each other. Why even start it?”

I wrote the classmate who “friended” me two days later, asking her how she expected me to remember such information but asking who she’s still in contact with from high school.

That was two months ago. I haven’t heard back yet.

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Comments

Danielle on 13 May, 2008 at 9:19 am #

So very true. A group of people from my grad year were asking where various people are and what they were doing. That’s when we found out that the most accomplished guy that we went to school with was just arrested for showing up to meet a 13 year old boy…but it was the police. Nice.

Great blog! I’ve been enjoying your interesting and insightful posts.

I-66 on 13 May, 2008 at 9:20 am #

My 10 year reunion is 6 months away. I’m going through the same sort of stuff.

Blue has a good point when it comes to not talking to someone that you friend, but at the same time that is indicative of it being harmless, so why not?

I-66’s last blog post..Hunch Drunk

Nickels on 13 May, 2008 at 9:23 am #

I have to admit, I really enjoy going to H.S. and college reunions, especially if you have a group of close friends going with… That way you can be cool b/c you have your gaggle of friends, but still reach out to others if you feel up for it… LOL

The Maiden Metallurgist on 13 May, 2008 at 9:57 am #

My ten year reunion is the summer. not going. I still see my best bud (since we were 6) every damn day, and I don’t necessarily need to see that those douchebags who used to tease me got fat and/or maybe kind of meth-addicted.

Wow. Apparently I’m a little bitter.

The Maiden Metallurgist’s last blog post..I Don’t Even Know Why I Was Watching It

Lemmonex on 13 May, 2008 at 9:57 am #

I just love the human drama that unfolds on facebook though…all in one week a former classmate of mine changed changed her relationship status to “single”, added “my daughter” to her interests, and changed her profile pic to that of a newborn … Makes me feel better about most things in my life.

Lemmonex’s last blog post..Class Act

rs27 on 13 May, 2008 at 10:56 am #

First of all, Blue is hilarious.

B.) I’m still waiting my invite to my 10 year reunion. I still haven’t gotten it.

III.) Why do girls gots to be bitches? (I saw that on TV once.)

rs27’s last blog post..I’m Gonna Be Like You Dad

freckledk on 13 May, 2008 at 12:18 pm #

I can’t identify 99% of the people who signed by HS yearbook.

freckledk’s last blog post..Page Turners?

lacochran on 13 May, 2008 at 12:34 pm #

I wasn’t going near my 10 year reunion but by the 20 year reunion I was coaxable by a friend who so much wanted to go. *NO*body was as I remembered. So that was interesting but weird. I did reconnect with one old friend so I guess that’s reason to be glad I went. And, it sort of had a leveling effect–I was no longer impressed, even a little, with the people I’d been impressed with in high school.

lacochran’s last blog post..Elementary School Moments

Shannon on 13 May, 2008 at 12:51 pm #

I went to my 10-year (11 years after graduation, I guess we overslept or something). A friend was coming into town for it and talked me into going with her. It was a total ripoff - $100 for crappy pasta and a cash bar.

I live 25 miles from where I grew up, so I was already in touch with most of the people I’d wanted to see. Usually a “high school reunion” for me is suddenly realizing the bartender was in my Civics class.

Shannon’s last blog post..Still Mad About Radiohead, But Now a Little More Coherent

Sisco on 13 May, 2008 at 2:50 pm #

I have my ten year coming up in four years. I judge most of the people who went to HS with me now, and did back then, as well.

I don’t know if I’ll end up going. But I do know that I don’t need to see them to know that leaving was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Is that too harsh?

Diane Mandy on 13 May, 2008 at 3:04 pm #

I could have written this post (though not nearly as well)! You’ve expressed my sentiments exactly. I skipped my 10th and went to my (cough) 20th reunion this past summer out of a sense of nostalgia and obligation. What a total waste of time–except for seeing the longest mullet in the history of bad haircuts.

Diane Mandy’s last blog post..Lady of leisure

Scotus on 13 May, 2008 at 7:05 pm #

That social buffer is a godsend. A couple of times a year, I’ll get this irresitable urge to pull out my senior yearbook, and check up on my former classmates via Facebook, MySpace, or Google.

I can’t imagine what I’d do if I had to conduct such investigations by actually talking to people. This really is the Golden Age of stalking.

Scotus’s last blog post..Go, Speed Racer! Go, Speed Racer! Go, Speed Racer, Goooooo!

E :) on 13 May, 2008 at 7:05 pm #

I’d ex-communicate her from my friends list if that had happened to me.

E :)’s last blog post..He’s a gonna be sleepin’ on the couch tonight…

Becca on 13 May, 2008 at 8:37 pm #

I joined FB a couple of months ago and have been Friended by a few HS classmates. It was a spectacular way of finding out why I decided to not keep in touch with them in the first place.

Becca’s last blog post..Streets of Philadelphia

jordanbaker on 14 May, 2008 at 6:39 am #

True story–two of the people in the Classmates ads (the girl to the far right and a floppy haired dude that frequently appears in them) went to my high school. This always makes me feel like Classmates is speaking directly to me through the intertubes.

jordanbaker’s last blog post..My apartment is haunted by a trashy poltergeist

English Guy on 14 May, 2008 at 7:32 am #

Recently, someone who I hadn’t seen since I was 12 contacted me. Things started badly when he asked me some questions to prove I was who I said I was. They got worse when he wanted to know whether I remembered “all those times we spent talking about business, you had some pretty great ideas back then”. Hmmm right…er ok…What? I just remember us throwing hard objects at each other and climbing trees.
His final line before I deleted him from my account was “all i’m saying is that sometime we should meet-up and talk business”.
The only worse then meeting your old school mates is being spammed by them.

Phil on 14 May, 2008 at 10:45 am #

That’s funny, English Guy, because I tell all my former classmates that I am now an Amway salesman.

Phil’s last blog post..Playaz attend Bush wedding; got party started

Not So Little Woman on 14 May, 2008 at 12:54 pm #

I’m with you. Facebook is crazy. I’ve been friended by people I have nothing in common and I want to write back: “You hated me in high school and spoke behind my back. No, I shall not accept the friends request, you idiot!!” Instead I just decline.
Not So Little Woman’s last blog post..Basil, the Celebrity

Nathalie on 14 May, 2008 at 2:09 pm #

My high school reunion is one month away. I’m definitely going.

I see that facebook can be a substitute, but life is becoming stale! No human interaction!

Photos on facebook can be distorted, I want to see for my own eyes how messed up (or how FINE) people got over these last 10 years.

Nathalie’s last blog post..What to Wear?

CPO on 14 May, 2008 at 6:16 pm #

I was sort of dumbfounded when one guy from High School “friended” me. I was even more dumbfounded to learn that we was still mega into motorcross racing. I hit “ignore.”

CPO’s last blog post..DC’s Big Read: The Great Gatsby

Nikita on 14 May, 2008 at 8:44 pm #

may i please enter a special nonsequitur/request that you go see ironman and blog about how much you resemble robert downey jr.?