Wednesday, November 26th, 2008...9:44 am
12 people from high school I’m glad I won’t be seeing this Thanksgiving
My best friend Blue and I have known each other 25 years.
We went to the same schools, attended the same Bar Mitzvahs, and learned how to drive on the same San Fernando Valley streets.
He informed me what an “SAT” was and I explained to him what a boob felt like (“Yes, awesome”).
But aside from our mutual love of Karate Kid and the Dodgers, we have always had very little in common.
One key difference, though, is his love of reuniting with people from high school and finding out What They’ve Been Up To, and my desire Never to See Them Again.
So while Blue spends this weekend meeting up with many of the kids from the Class of 1993 at TGI Friday’s, The Princess and I will be spending our Thanksgiving in New York City — a tradition that started four years ago as a way to avoid choosing which family to see during the holiday.
Inspired by this Onion article, here are a list of 12 people from high school I’m glad I won’t be seeing this Thanksgiving:
1. The guy who was popular because he was in one TV commercial when he was 10.
Dude, you were in one commercial about toy cars. And you were in it for like 5 seconds. You didn’t even have a line, unless you count you doing the O-face in amazement as a “line”.
2. The guy who spent all four years of high school wearing a Letterman’s jacket.
Yes, we are all aware you made the football team, congratulations. You realize that everyone made the team, right? Hell, I sort of made the JV soccer team but you don’t see me wearing an oversized jacket everyday, do you?
What? I was cut from the soccer team? When did that happen?
3. The girl who was accidentally named prom queen but who actually finished as runner-up.
Sucks to be you. Maybe if you had been nicer to people they wouldn’t have laughed so much at your misfortune.
4. The guy whose dad is a Hollywood producer and responsible for the creation of “Full House”.
You never introduced me to Candace Cameron even though you kept promising me you could. Now she’s married to a hockey player. Way to fuck it up for me.
5. The guy who reminded me everyday that, indeed, I suffered from a severe case of acne.
No, “pizza face” was not my name, but thanks for taking such an interest in my health issues.
Here’s a health issue I’m interested in: I hope your dick fell off.
6. The girl who only used me to go out with my friend.
Everyone thought you were stupid. Walking around with your mouth open didn’t help matters.
7. The guy who Facebook friended me a few months ago and now invites me to join every fucking group ever created on the social networking site.
I, too, was upset by the passage of Prop 8, but you don’t see me joining 30,000 groups to prove that point, do you?
Ignoring your group invites does not make me homophobic, by the way.
8. The girl who said she didn’t like me because she didn’t want to “ruin our friendship” but secretly dated my best friend.
That was low. You’re lucky he gave me details about what you looked like naked.
9. The guy who’s in a band and still has long hair.
I admire your tenacity. But you’re 33. If haven’t made it as a rock star by now, I’d say it’s time to get a job.
And get a haircut. That’s just embarrassing.
10. The guy who actually thought he was Spock and would probably keep asking me if I’ve seen the trailer for the new Star Trek movie.
I will never watch that fucking show, OK? Get off my back.
But you’re right. The trailer looks pretty good.
11. The guy who threatened me when I told him he couldn’t cheat off me in History class anymore.
I don’t care what gang you belonged to, you probably should have studied more.
And I was never scared of the knife you kept flashing me. That thing wouldn’t even cut through butter.
12. The girl who called me a nerd on the first day of school.
Ha, joke’s on you! I have a blog now!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. As my friend Shiftless Badger told me yesterday: “Enjoy the excuse to eat until truly satiated. And by truly satiated, I mean on the verge of vomiting.”
And try not to run into anyone from high school.
photo credit
Comment of the Week
This shortened week’s COW goes to f.B., who made the following comment on my post about how chicks tend to be less competitive than dudes:
40 Comments
November 26th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Thanks for reminding me how much I hated high school. Can anyone tell me why I looked forward to high school when I was in junior high?
Thank god for college - beer makes everything better!
We’re always looking ahead, that’s why. And for me, compared to junior high, high school was the greatest experience of my life.
November 26th, 2008 at 9:57 am
The Holidays; a time to come together with your family and be reminded why you moved so far away in the first place.
I wish we could say the same thing for work. Why are we still here? It’s almost 2pm!
November 26th, 2008 at 9:59 am
A friend from high school (one of two that remain) and I were talking about this onion article this morning and she had some sage words on our classmates:
“they are on the clearance rack, their packages all opened and beat-up, tape stuck to ‘em with notes that say things like ‘one piece missing’ or ‘hella busted’.”
That made me feel better, because I am a bitch with a long ass memory. They are, indeed, hella busta.
May you come close to vomiting tomorrow, Arjewtino. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lemmonex’s last blog post..Thankful
But wouldn’t that be something they say about us? Oh, wait, I forgot, we’re bloggers.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Jill and I also have very little in common despite 22 years of friendship, but at least we are on the same page about people from high school. Ten year reunion? Nope.
Isn’t it funny being best friends with someone so very different from you? The greatest thing was we have completely opposite tastes in women. If girls had ever liked us in high school, we would never have fought over them.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Pretending to still like people from my High School gives me scurvy.
Ben’s last blog post..Not that relationships should be competitions…
Is that something you get from not eating enough citrus or from fantasizing about mermaids?
Either way, Canada is weird.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am
Those group invites are a big pain in the ass and every time I get one, I want to stab Facebook in the eye socket.
Deutlich’s last blog post..Conversations From The Fam
I think I figured out why I like you. Your anger at intangible things rivals mine.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I am going to try to reign in the TGiving eating this year a little bit, but the key is to NOT drink too much wine and beer, throwing up your hands, and then eating the whole table b/c you are drunk… lol!
No, this weekend is the time for you to eat whatever you want, guilt-free.
You can go back to being smart with your food next week.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Is it sad that I still hang out with a bunch of my high school friends?
Lets blame it on my age.
Maxie’s last blog post..DC Blogger Meetup
I still talk to only a handful, but they were my friends in elementary school.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I am a little bit ashamed to admit I lettered in marching band. I adored my letterman’s jacket and wore it all. the. time.
When I said I was ‘a little bit’ ashamed, I meant ‘a whole fucking lot.’
Sarah’s last blog post..Peace out, Ninjas
It actually sounds like by “a little bit” you mean “not one fucking bit”.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:30 am
So … Star Trek TV Show = No Go, but Star Trek Movie = Maybe?
Malnurtured Snay’s last blog post..Best Of … ?
Not just maybe, definitely. It just looks like a kick-ass flick.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I don’t know if you’ve done any reading on Candace Cameron lately, but trust me, you do not want to be married to her. Unless you want your moniker to be Ar-CrazyEvangelical-Tino.
janet’s last blog post..sake bombs
I thought it was just Kirk who was into that. Doesn’t Candace have a relatively normal life married to a hockey player?
November 26th, 2008 at 10:35 am
For a second I wondered if we went to the same high school since I’m happy to be avoiding the same group of idiots. Then I remembered our age difference and realized that high school really just is a sad and horrible place no matter where you are.
Mb’s last blog post..tradition, daddy tax, and soft amazing hair
You say “age difference” like it’s something ridiculous.
Oh wait. It is.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:37 am
happy thanksgiving, arjew and princess!
if i went to h.s. with you, arjew, i’d miss you constantly
Same to you and my fellow MOT.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:42 am
On my first day in my new high school, I wore my prior school’s letter jacket. Sophomore mistake…
But seriously, it said “Wrestling Cheerleader” because I was awesome.
New high school: I lettered in academics. I did not buy a new jacket.
Today, I am proud to be both a blogger AND a nerd.
Mel’s last blog post..Du brauchst doch keine Angst zu haben.
Please tell me you still have that Wrestling Cheerleader jacket. And that you’ll send me a photo of you wearing it.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:43 am
How bout the super hot chick you had a crush on that got pregnant directly after high school and looks like a horse’s ass now? I’m not looking forward to seeing her, since it’ll kill all the good memories, though I’m sure karma will step in and fuck it all up for me at my reunion this weekend.
Doug’s last blog post..Breaking Up
Like you said, look at it like good blog fodder.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:58 am
I spend my life avoiding people I went to high school with. I wouldn’t have moved out of my parents house if I still wanted to interact with them and run into them everywhere I went. So now when I do, I pretend I didn’t see them. I’m sure they know its bull. I don’t care.
Jossie Posie’s last blog post..Its a freaking castle!
They probably do the same thing to you. Because every conversation with someone you chose not to stay in touch with is agonizing.
November 26th, 2008 at 11:59 am
You’re better off without Candice Cameron–she would’ve tried to convert you, and you would’ve ended up as a producer on her weird older brother’s crappy Christian movies.
Also, I had three varsity letters: for choir, drama, and journalism. Oohhhhhh Yeaaaaaah.
My parents refused to buy me a letter jacket because even they thought my letters were bullshit.
jordanbaker’s last blog post..Turkey? Check. Stuffing? Check. Pie? Check. Syphilis?. . .
I simultaneously envy and mock you for those letters.
Is Candace also a Jesus freak? Damn it. That dude gets all of them.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I am right with you, man. The last thing I want to do is spend more time reminiscing with people I was forced to spend 4 years of my life with. Tell your friend Blue to get some new friends.
Oh, he’s got friends. He just loves knowing what all the old ones are up to.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
The Guv’na once humiliated me in school because I wore ‘Wrangler’ jeans one day (everyone else wore ‘Levi’s’).
Unfortunately, I still see him on a regular basis.
I got made fun of for wearing $10 velcro shoes from Target.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
ah yes #7
poke me
throw a sheep at me
blow me
just kill me already!
Quickroute’s last blog post..Irish Rover - Part 5
I know, jesus, I do NOT want to join something that would require an application download.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Will never attend a high school reunion. Ever. And my parents have been informed that when I’m in town and someone recognizes me? I AM going to and WILL say that I have been in an accident and remember nothing.
It’s been done.
It’s why I don’t get invited home much…
That’s not a bad idea. Everyone believes an amnesia story.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
So, what is an “SAT?”
stoogepie’s last blog post..Why No Whores, Craigslist?
A test I’m sure I would do much better on today.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
HA #12 is the best. Never fuck with a blogger.
lbluca77’s last blog post..When turkeys attack
We are tough mofos.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
You’re his boy, Blue!
How am I the first one who posted that?
Between Love and Like’s last blog post..Win a Shopping Spree at IKEA with….Pavement?
You’re smarter than everyone? Yeah, let’s go with that.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I can’t believe that Davey told you what I look like naked. Bastard.
Aine Caitriona’s last blog post..Oi Gov’nah! Week
Don’t worry, it was flattering.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
If anyone didn’t laugh at number 5 then they are not my friend.
Unless its a girl and she’s hot. Then let’s get naked.
rs27’s last blog post..Turkey for You and Turkey For Me, Can’t Believe Tyson Gave That Girl VD
November 26th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Producer of the full house eh? I went to high school with Ashley Tisdale (the big nosed chick from high school musical). What do you think of that? Ha! LOL. speaking as a suburban california girl, those stars/models/producers… live in their own dramatic world that us normal people should not get mixed up in.
Tough Girl Kat’s last blog post..Not too late to join my contest!
November 26th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
I look better than all the girls I liked in high school. Now they see me on Facebook and “the eightball in the corner pocket” does make me the winner!
November 26th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I lettered in Marksmanship - bet they wouldn’t even let me wear my letter these days.
I’m mixed about HS reunions - I move too much and lose track of people I’d like to hear from sometimes, but most of the rest I never had ties with to start with… so, why bother?
Connie’s last blog post..A big hug for Honor
November 26th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I know I’m kind of in the minority on this one, but I kind of loved high school. And I’m going to my reunion this weekend. I don’t necessarily want to talk to *everyone* but I’ll pick and choose once I get there.
Liebchen’s last blog post..Keep my glass (at least) half full, please
November 26th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I hope the girl from #3 and the guy from #5 got married and had to deal with the dick-falling-off trauma publicly.
And if I get one more FB request for saving the planet I might just go chop down an acre of rainforest myself.
Uncle Ebenezer’s last blog post..Thanksgiving Tearfest
November 27th, 2008 at 1:03 am
I love the list! I will add the psychotic ex to it.
Shevonne’s last blog post..The Obligatory “What I Am Thankful For” Blog Entry
November 27th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Dude, this was one of your best posts. I love the bitterness. And by love I mean that I’m sorry for calling you pizza face. You made me hungry. I was poor. BACK OFF.
November 27th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Precisely
Average Jane’s last blog post..“Live Blogging” my job hunt - Butter Coated Coffee? Starbucks #3 + Chestnut Hill Coffee
Precisely, which is why I linked to the article in the post.
But thanks for caring so much.
November 29th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Hahaha - I know those people all too well!
November 30th, 2008 at 11:18 am
I talk to one person from high school, and it’s because he lives in NOVA and is probably the one person from my HS who wasn’t an enormous fuckstick. Ah well, they’re all still rotting within a 10 mile radius of Worcester, MA. WIN.
November 30th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Wow, must have been cool growing up in Cali. I never got near anybody whose dad was a Hollywood producer. But my friend’s friend’s cousin was Annie on Broadway.
Dan’s last blog post..Playlist: Don’t Wear Furr — Listen to It
December 1st, 2008 at 2:39 am
I just googled my high school boyfriend. And found out he got married in April, from their wedding registry site. I then googled his new wife.
December 1st, 2008 at 10:04 am
#9 - I couldn’t agree more.
Chris’s last blog post..what the pilgrims should have done
May 6th, 2009 at 12:44 am
?Great Post Thanx.
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