Like your fantasy football team or “7 things about me” meme, no one cares about your 2007 recaps. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write one. I’m running out of time, though, and even I couldn’t stand a “What Happened to me This Year” blog post, so I’ll just let my most popular monthly entries do the talking, as it were.

Whether you’re reading this in 2007, hungover in ‘08, or at your first day back at work, I want to thank all of my readers, commenters, stalkers, lurkers, fans, friends, and family for making this blog fun to write. Without you, this would only feel like whining into a void.

January

What is this, Sophie’s Choice?

As I weighed the decision this weekend whether to keep smoking or go on the nicotine patch, I wondered: “Is it in my economic interest to quit?”

February

Bring back TV theme tunes

During lunch earlier this week, I brought up the greatness of the classic TV show Knight Rider. My much younger co-worker MJ, much to my vocal dismay, said she had never heard of it.

March

What a way to make a living

When I was a single guy in my 20s, I came up with what I considered the perfect answer to the inevitable DC question of “What do you do?”

“I drive a DC Duck Tour.”

April

How to eat for free in DC

When I was unemployed several years ago for a stretch of 10 months, I had to minimize many of my expenses. I cut out buying new CDs, going out drinking with friends, and exotic trips to Tryst Café.

But one thing I couldn’t eliminate was eating.

May

The very special story of Special Ed

When I was 11-years-old, a newborn baby bird fell out of its nest and onto the pavement leading up to my house’s front door. I picked him up, put him in a shoebox, and watched him die.

June

The Virginia DMV is anti-Semitic

Think I’m exaggerating? Maybe I am. But the state DMV’s online personalized license plate generator sure has some issues with the Chosen People.

Despite providing a variety of plate categories — military, university, special interest — and the ability to type in whatever you’d like on your license plate, Virginia won’t let me type in the word Jew.

July

Suck it, Brazil! Er, I mean, Mexico…!

Because we’re not Guatemala, Argentina beat Mexico last night 3-0 in la Copa América semifinals to advance to the tournament championship against Brazil – a rematch of the 2004 fiasco.

August

I may not hate the New York Yankees but Jesus still does

I came upon a disturbing realization recently: I may not hate the Yankees as much as I thought I did.

But the Yankees? I’m not so sure anymore.

September

Jews or Muslims: Who has it tougher while fasting?

Tonight marks the beginning of Yom Kippur, the holiest Jewish holiday of the year and the most brutal 24 hours Jews go through outside of not calling their mothers for a week.

October

Goyim say the darndest things: Why Halle Berry’s joke was offensive, but for the wrong reasons

Most people by now have heard about Halle Berry’s semi-anti-Semitic comment on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last Friday night. For those of you haven’t heard, Berry was on the show last Friday night showing off photos she took using Mac’s Photobooth feature, which distorts your face into a House of Mirrors-kind of way.

November

My mustache is going to get me killed: A Movember Update

There was a moment last week when I thought to myself, “I’m starting to like my mustache. Maybe I’ll keep it even after Movember ends.”

Then a flock of pigeons tried to kill me.

December

How many five-year-olds could you take in a fight?

There is something about me that even my best friends don’t know: I LOVE Capri Sun.

Seriously. I practically inhale it. I’m the fucking Takeru Kobayashi of drinking Capri Sun.